fawaz you want

moved

2010-01-27T23:16:00.002+08:00

Anyone reading this? Please tell me if you are.

I finally got the move moved, its so moving, I'm crying here.

Not.

I finally accomplished this great feat, in a shorter time than expected. Now I have one less out of a million things to do. GRATE!

I was hoarsing in the shower. Noooonononono don't start imagining anything yet. It only means I was singing in my roughest and hoarsestest voice, to get that M. Shadows effect, or to at least get it horse. I must have gotten carried away, cos when I finally dried off, I went OH SHIT cos I thought I didn't soap myself. I thought back, but only remembered the pain in my throat. Then I smelt myself, armpits to be accurate, smelt good, I did soap myself. Then the memories came flooding back, I was moved to tears. Hors d'oeuvres.

Not.

This is my last post here. Do you feel emotional reading it? I don't feel a thing, btw. Anyhow I needa sleep.

Hello,
moved

Super Soldat

2010-01-25T00:08:00.000+08:00

I just completed Return to Castle Wolfenstein, the game I was so fortunate to find lying around downstairs. Thanks, stranger.

Too many hours in a row I've got a fricking headache now time to sleep I gotta. Work. Tomorrow...

Yay...

Why the hell did I even blogging lol

Hello,
We need some R and Argh

Supine

2010-01-17T05:45:00.005+08:00

FIRSTLY! ARIF!
Peace back to you ah, anyhow only say we sarcastic. Your HEAD ah! Kk nvm. Anyway you're a bic boi now you gotta stop perving I MEAN perming, your hair, cos prolonged curling results in permanent whirling. KK SERIOUS AH. T'was grate hanging out wicha again, and with all the other mats, and when you get a car, I'll make sure the hazard lights are perma-on. That way you can warn all the motorists around you of potential hazards arising from stationary vehicles, maybe moving ones too.

And Syafiq Lim said we'll continue celebrating birthdays forever. So take it that everyday's a birthday so everyday kiter happy happy ah, how bout that now. Sounds good? Sounds good. Everyday's a happy day. Alright that's settled.

If I had things my way, I'd have moved to my new blog by now. I don't have things my way, because bloody blogger isn't accepting any of the skins I've tried to install, there's always some error somewhere, a missing 'body' or some shit, and I swear the incomplete XML codes will never be completed. I spent so much time trying to work things out, then resorted to one of the boring old default skins, tried to tweak it, and messed it up.

WHY Blogger, WHY?

DO YOU THINK you are like a monopoly or something? Do shit and get away with it? No cos you're not and you'll never be so why blogger, why, why why why WHY do this to me WHY. Not after I've been suchhhh a good boy.

So I'll postpone the move. Well, duh.

But why move? Why move? WHY?!
IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION?!

Reason number ONE:
teamkiller, is, without a doubt, a

VERY.

VERY.

EXTREMELY.

SUPERBLY.

MEGANOMETRONICALLY.

LLLAAAMMMEEE.
name for a blog.

I must've realized when I first made it, but the stupid part of me, the same part that created mr_andersonsux (genius...), took control and was like 'Ah hell YEAH that's the name we should go for! COME ON TYPE IT IN! Don't look now, and... YEIYEAH! Your new url. Is. Kental. Hah, beach.

But I beared bore boreded bearded with it, and now I am, without any tolerance. They come in pills but the pharmacy ran out of 'em.

Reason number two? Someone searched 'teamkiller nude' and landed on my blog. I know right, its not like I name my nude photos 'teamkiller nude', come on. Didja catch that? Didja? DIDJA? Well, good.

And wtf?

I hope no one really met with an accident there.

One thing. Why are people bothered with getting old? I think some wanna get to 21 and stay forever. That's why this genius named his store Forever 21. Araknow, up till now I've been looking forward to getting older, maybe I'll really like how I am at 21. You're probably your fittest and best looking and whatever then. Sidetrack: If you peak at 21, and 21 isn't mid-life, and 35 is, then your next peak should come at 49? And you should've been really low at 7 years old... little kid getting shoved around. You were pathetic. Alright that was unnecessary.
Back on track: I have a really short attention span, and I can't take being 18 for a whole year, its just too... long. So I guess at 21 I'll feel the same and wanna move on to 22 and so forth. Its kinda cool getting older I guess, you change and can do things differently. Like I can walk around anywhere by myself at 50 and people probably won't call me an antisocial. NEXT.

I've decided, and so I should write it down in case I haven't really told myself. Wordpress for nonpersonal entries, like my random shit and more stories to come, and all that poetry (or whatever the heck it is) in my file. Blogger for this, world entertainment. Yeah right, sheesh, what does this guy think he is?

I finally cleared all my stuff.
But wait.
There's some remaining.

damn...
But only a small amount cleverly hidden amongst the organized shelves and whatnots. Pissacake.

I want you to now tell yourself that you're an awesome person, because you really are. And if you think I'm awesome, its only cos I'm with awesome people. Did I ever say that? Really? Yeah well don't take it too seriously hahahahhahahahha. Am I messing with you? I sure hope I am.

If I'm not mistaken, I should be doing something less 'bad' now. Though I can hardly argue that staying up like this is bad. Its 621 am, so I want all of you to be happy, don't even THINK about being sad or negative (DON'T THINK ABOUT A PINK ELEPHANT! HAH gotcha), trust yourself and trust God. And read more cos you can never get enough ocular pleasure, especially in text form. Only in text form. Forget about other manifestations for now. I should stop, head's not in my control.

Hello,
Head's not in my corn roll

FAEIOU

2010-01-10T23:15:00.003+08:00

I caught an episode of Wizards of Waverly place just now. Seleena Gomez is hot, and her 'brother''s body is solid sia. Like buff and fit, you could see his abs through his shirt. Respek bro. And omg I think even the m- okaaaay enough of this shit.

It kinda sucks to have to sleep early again cos I gotta werk in teh morn. But I guess this whole sleep thing I can get used to quite easily, seeing how we're very good friends. Yesterday I awoke from an amazing SIXTEEN hour slumber, only cos I had to piss real bad, and I was getting tired from sleeping. No, really. I can get up and do some stuff and sleep back, but I was seriously tired from sleeping. 24 hour sleep marathon someday. I gotta start at 6am then, so when I awake it'd be a normal day.

I was watching The Deen Show yesterday, and before he answered a question, Eddie pointed out that 'in Islam there is no girlfriend-boyfriend thing, aite?'
He didn't really elaborate but I gave it some thought. Allah says stay away from zina; He didn't say don't commit adultery, but don't even approach it. Ahmad Deedat had elaborated somewhere that men are made for such things, and thus it is a strong desire. Therefore that is Allah's test to us, to fight these desires. By conquering them we will get a reward far greater than what succumbing might have granted us, and only temporarily.

We might not see any problem in the whole gf/bf thing, I suppose, because we've grown up with it around us. Society tells us what is 'normal', and we tend to go by those standards. But if you think about for a minute, you'd see how we don't need to hold hands or hug or kiss or spend so much time cuddling, even if you really DO love that someone. I know many people who got to know each other through dinner dates, no touching, in short a very conservative process, but who are happily married now with no problems. (Somehow I think I won't have to worry about all this. I really don't wanna, its so leceh.)

If there is a will there is a way, and if you do something in ALlah's name then he will open more doors for you than you closed. Give up your desires and he will reward you bountifully; it is not easy, of course, for such feelings are very much a part of us. That is why there must be effort put into it, and a willingness of the heart.

Whatever faith you belong to, if you do something in God's name, then you can be sure He will guide you along the right path.

Which brings me to the next topic that's been on my mind for some time. The Malaysia problem.
Some people are unhappy over the use of 'Allah' in non-Muslim religious texts.
They say things like 'It is our right, and our property. Allah is our God so you cannot use His name.'
My father was quick to point out that by saying that, they imply that there are other Gods, for other religious. Islam is monotheistic, and a Muslim is someone who bears witness that there is only One God and Muhammad is His messenger. So how now?

And anyway, God is there for everyone, whether you like it or not. For the Muslim, for the Christian, the Jew, Buddhist, Hindu, even the atheist. He operates on a higher level than any one of His creations can comprehend.

It is mentioned in the Quran that there is no compulsion towards religion; you don't have to be a Muslim, or accept what we believe in. It is your right to choose what you want to believe in. So if these people believe in using the word Allah, then it is entirely between them and God. Personally, I feel its a special thing that they use the same name as us. It tells me that we believe in the same Divine Power, and we are more alike than we think.

There is no sense in burning churches, or protesting. Half the time I see only a handful shouting and lifting signs, while the rest just stare on in mild curiosity. But I wouldn't be surprised if some of them are paid to demonstrate. There are nasty people out there. But come on, isn't life a lot harder to plan protests? You gotta set a meeting point, dress the same maybe, get loudhailers. Now where you gonna get those babies from. And not to mention the script. If you're gonna be shouting your ass off in front of a lotta people (who might just be laughing at you, in their hearts) then you don't wanna fumble. AND if you shout lots you need something to soothe your throat. VERY TROUBLESOME! FERGERRABOUTIT!

By the way, just in case you're burnin' inside and wanna do something, could I politely say something. Yes I could. Spending long hours in a mosque doesn't give you a one up above everyone else. If you are truly as holy as you think you are, then you'd be more patient than anything.

To my non-Muslim friends, if you must judge our faith, then I beg of you, please do not take these extremists as representatives of Islam. I might have just said that, though I'm very sure that all of you are so much wiser than that. I guess I just had to say cos I could use 'I beg of you', feels kinda cool to beg in the right way. Not that I like to beg. Yeah whatever you get it.

Anyway to all the tolerant and patient and good and sensible people in the world, hang in there. The world needs people like you, so once we're through this shit you can carry on being awesome without having to fear some hooligan burning something down. I'm very glad no one was injured or killed in the attacks, but I'm very sorry for those who were affected. I kinda know what it feels to have someone disrespect something holy.

Yesterday I was doing the laundry (yeah I do the laundry! I clean and can learn to cook too, many more skills! Hire me now!) (Hahahahhahahahah that was so much fun to do) (try it yoursel!) (because EVERYTHING is ART ATTACK! if you want it to be), just about to begin a very interesting monologue when Mak appeared at the door to the utility room. She looked very serious, and she asked me:
"Fawaz why do you keep talking to yourself? I have to ask you, because you're a big boy, but you keep talking to yourself!"
Hahahha I didn't really know how to respond, and my answer was something about 'its fun' and 'big boys can't talk to themselves'.

But really? Is there anything wrong? In my mind, HELL NO! Its perfectly fine to talk to yourself and roleplay and stuff, its a good habit, its healthy entertainment and it keeps you happy. If everyone tries it, we'd have a nice world. Then we'd be able to talk to strangers in public without any qualms, and might just end up performing for everyone else.

Out of curiosity though, anyone else do that? Like, a lot? I do it in the shower, while doing my work, in between things, while I'm by myself. I kinda spend a lotta time by myself, staring at the mirror, lying down, singing and talking, just hanging out with me. There's this great guy Fawaz and its really cool chillin' with him, he's so much like me sometimes I wonder if he really is.

My colleagues have been very tickled by my speechial habits (another word I coined), and tried so hard to suppress their laughter but ended up giggling uncontrollably. My question is why they had to pretend they were not laughing hahaha. Did they think I was mad and didn't want to offend me?

We can only guess.

I hate it when I have to throw something away in the middle of the night, and the dustbin's not lined. Does that mean I have to invent something?

I must go NOW what happend to 10pm and 8 hours of babytime. Sheesh...
Be good yall. People like good people.

Hello,

Weight Transport

2010-01-06T23:22:00.002+08:00

I forgot to mention something yesterday, and I think Zul will feel distantly pleased about it. I'm not sure why'd its distant. Yesterday in the lift at The Office, an assortment of nice-smelling people entered the lift. They were also pleasantly dressed, and equally well-mannered. Twas a good and sensual experience.

There is a general misconception as to the life of Anakin Skywalker, an his 'son' Luke. You can't really blame people for assuming they were parent and spawn, simply because the very medium through which they were introuced, carried the message that they were truly related. Unknown to many, there are several easily availabe sources that seek to clarify the movie's miscommunication.

Luke Skywalker was an English teacher during his 20's. He trained to be a part-time Jedi, but got carried away. Skip to his encounter with Vader dood. When Mr Mask said 'I am your father', he actually meant 'Eye am your father'. It is well-documented that Luke heard it that Luke heard it that way too. Eat was a mysterious merchant based in Tatooine, rumoured to be 'closet to Luke than even he knows'.

So why did Luke yell NOOOOOOOOO!

Because in addition to the anguish of having lost a hand, here he was confronted with some masked maniac who had such a poor grasp of the English language, and he couldn't do ANYTHING about it. Years of teaching the language, an now this grown man so confidently spake on baddeth English. Twas blasphemous!

Oh but we still don't know why Luke carried on screaming things like Gnnnnahhhhh! Yyyerrrrr gnahhh mmmyyyy vvvffavvvaaaa!!!!!
Lame sia.

NOT.

Anyway I realized I'm quite a big part of my life. I wouldn't wanna be you if I were you. HUH?! K nvm.
Credit Syafiq and Taufiq White Vanilla Sky.

Sleep ah. Slippar. Slipper. Votewwa.

Hello,
We'll all have some breakfast tonight

I Do the Thumbs-up Thing Too

2010-01-05T23:32:00.003+08:00

I went to pray at Angullia mosque today, which is predominantly Indian. Its Indian land there, what do you expect. But I took wudhuk beside a chinese man who works at one of the shopping malls there. It felt so special that we were moving almost in sync, though our skin colours were vastly different (I'm not that dark anyway) (I'M FAIRER THAN MAK NOW HAHAHHA) (not enough yi er san what) and we were at a mosque dominated by another race. A lot of bangladeshi workers there too you see.

Then when it came time for Maghrib, I felt a surge of, what, excitement? rush through me as I said my niat while the Imam did the takbiratul ihram. All around me everyone lifted their hands, but to different heights, for different durations, and we all ended up with our arms folded around our chests, though positions varied. Its like those super cool fighting movies where the heroes face some nemesis (there's a song stuck in my head, where the singer says his heart is black and he is Nemesis) and they all break into some unique fighting stance.

It was that awesomeR.

When we do our ibadah, or actions or worship, we differ slightly but are still the same. At that point where we're all doing the same thing, there is a sense of unity and brotherhood. When we look at small things like these we see how similar we are to others, so we must carry this thought forward to our everyday life. All of us have so much in common, hurting someone only eventually destroys yourself.

IKR, deep.

Hah.

HAHAHAHHAHAHHA k nvm.

People say when you move on in life you'd wish you were back at the previous stage. Like I wished I was back in primary school, when the fact of the matter is I had to wear ugly ass white shorts to school. Naval Base Primary shorts were grey.

But now that I'm semi-working, I don't wanna go back to school. I wanna work cos I'm actually doing something, and this brain of mine gets to operate in such different ways it tickles. And I'm earning.

You need cash to do shit.

For now I wanna try as many jobs as I can, even if they don't pay so much, cos I'm learning lotsa shit from the people I meet, and the experience is what I'm in for. Gives life some excitement.

While walking to work this morning I was suddenly distracted from selecting a new track to listen to, my attention grabbed entirely by a whiff of sweet-smelling air. I looked up and saw two minahs I've never seen in this estate. But that's all they'll ever be, one-meet-only sweet-smelling minahs. I've a short attention schpan remember.

As I child I used to want certain things, and I'd walk by the same spot everyday to stare at that thing. It didn't matter if I didn't get it (well eventually it didn't matter) but seeing it there everyday kept me happy. Not that it was waiting for me, but that I could see it and drool or whatever again. Is it appropriate that I retain that mindset at this age hahahha. You know what, I don't care if it is, or even if its a poor question. I'm gonna keep thinking like that cos its in my jeans. GENES. Genes.

Blood? Brain? Or metaphysical fabric of existence?
I guess we'll never know.

Oh and I found another facial product that might do you some good.

Alamak internet got no peekchah. Its a Vitamin E cream by oriflame, but I guess any vitamin E cream will do. Its good for you, that's all I'm gonna say. And when applying such creams don't rub hard into skin. Instead dab spots around the face then gently smooth into the skin, stop when its not slimy anymore (creamy or whatever) or when you can no longer see its colour. I got this from acne.org, that guy seriously nothing better to do than dedicate his life to acne. Well its a good thing, cos he's helped lotsa people. Respek, brudder.

If I become a fireman, and I wanna become a fireman, I'd be so thrilled if someone calls because 'shawty fire burning on the dance floor'. 'oh whoa-oh oh'.

There's nothing that can piss me off more than Insufficient Sleep. It always hits me at the right spot where it hurts the most, and a bumbling grouchy me is then pushed around by time, not allowed to nurse my wounds. Time. Hmm. Hrms. Hermes.

I will invent a device to control time. The entire creation process begins with me going to sleep now bye

Hello,
This drama has an iron cast

Hit Man

2010-01-03T23:25:00.003+08:00

Post number 333 and I'm still not prepared to officially close down this blog. Cos I haven't made preparations, nothing nostalgic or wutewwa.

I've been at the other blog for some time you know you know YOU KNOW

OH SO YOU DO KNOW GOOD FOR YOU!

OH SO YOU DON'T KNOW GOOD FOR YOU!

Anyway, I did a massive clearing up job today. I hauled this heavy-ass (but not heavy enough for me) tub into the hall, and expected to see my stuff inside. I opened it and found lotsa toys. So nehmind! Might as well clear that shit up! The tub was reduced from overflowing to 1/5 not so full in no time, its a rather big tub, boxy (BOXXY! <3>

That meant throwing away my precious NASA space set, my super cool shit Hot Wheels workshop playset, with the sparks and the charger and all that, my roboriders cartridge and manuals, and even toto tak. That's my Donald Duck squeaky toy, toto tak was my first word. I dunno if my parents were pissed or too glad that I had started talking, but that toy's now gone. It was kinda hard to hold it, then transfer my hand to the plastic bag of disposal, and then release grip so the toy will fall in pile of to be thrown toys. But I did it, and its now gone, and I know its for the better.

Then I moved on to my real tub of stuff, and halfway through I discovered that I had another large drawer somewhere crammed full of things. So I threw lotsa stuff away, lots and lots of stuff.

Just for fun, this is where I had stuff hidden:

That tub

That large drawer

Two shelves of our bookcase. Is that what its called?

My study table

The computer table

The other table in the balcony

Two shelves out of the four shelves of the shelf in the hall

And God knows where else

That means I'm gonna have to throw away lotsa shit. OH YAH HAHA I threw away all my old exam papers cos my marks were shite. Too shite to handle, I'm sure as hell not gonna wanna look at them in the future or show my cucu. If I have children. If I get married or if I decide to adopt children. If I don't wanna live alone. If I have a house of my own. When I have a house of my own.

I think I wanna clue you just for the fun of it.

Its something else I call myself by, its found here if you really don't know what it is. You gotta know where to look, and once you've found it, you gotta pick out the obvious and what you need will remain.

I have two, they belong to different families, one of which is a brother to this.

By the way I left something on the wall adjacent to the 4th floor lockers in school. This is the wall o'er which people throw waste objects into a dustbin that used to be on the floor below. Smart cleaners solved the problem of lousy aimers by shifting said dustbin.

Hello,

Bear I am, I furgot

Double Down Under

2010-01-02T04:17:00.002+08:00

This is post number 332 and I said I wanna stop at 333 but to hell with that, I might not be ready to move by that time. Cos I gotta change some things in my template so the next time somebody goes to teamkiller.blogspot.com he'll (or she'll) (it doesn't matter, actually) (I was just momentarily unnecessarily asymptotically unbiased) (whatever the hell that is) see a cryptic message that actually leads him to my new blog. But he won't be led to it if he don't figure it out, know whammsayin?

Someone searched teamkiller nude and landed on my blog.

WHAT MANNER OF SHIT IS THAT?!

Aaaaaanyway, to all you fancy people out there. You dress well, do up your face (if this applies to you), get your hair all perfect, smell good. So why put on a shit face. Worse still, why behave like you're made of shit. If shit was animated, it'd behave like you. No wait I need to rephrase. You behave like shit if it were animated.

There was something I wanted to say, what was it...

Topman's on sale if you're interested, and if you can take their strange music selection. Some how I feel it can induce terrible headaches in some people.

I am once more approaching very very sleepy status, I'm curious to see if those voices I mentioned shall make conversation with me again. As of yet, I have established that they probably originate from my subconscious, but I'm half hoping I'm wrong. It'd be totally freaky and cool to discover I have another mind. Maybe if I can control it I could use it like a spare hard disk, to back up data or store miscellaneous shit...

As decided upon some time back, I slept through the new year countdown. To be precise, I went to bed at 1130 pm, after suppressing my desire to sit through the rest of Star Trek. I think I had a good sleep, but I dreamt I was thirsty, and woke up thirsty. Then slept some more.
And some more.
Should've slept in the afternoon.
Should've gone to sleep much earlier.

Mak told me to sleep early. I've been a very bad person, lately.

Tomorrow I'll clear all my stuff, dustbin's gonna be happy.

About dustbins. They don't ask for rubbish. But if you give they'll just take it till there's no room.

I should be going now, before anyone wakes up and sees me. It'd be disappointing, and I don't like that. Don't disappoint and don't be disappointed; its not linked, not always, but don't let people down and don't feel let down. More another time.

Think happy and you'll be hapy.

Hello,
I bought some Amaze Ink

Snake Eyes

2009-12-29T22:01:00.002+08:00

We are fast approaching post 333. That means something, maybe it's a sign for big change. Maybe it's tine for miracles? No, I don't think so, now go sing your song somewhere else.

Today was a super power day as with all other days spent with the mats. Floormats hah. Nah that was nothing. We gotta keep doing this kinda shit for as long as we can.

I remembered a super kaklar story, of owning origins not too long ago. My mom told it to me that night while we were having a sacred Family Lepaking Session, and I couldn't stop laughing. That afternoon we were all dressed and ready for lunch, so my parents left their room and my bros happily left our in my charge. So I had a brief wtf moment where I looked for my socks, grabbed the key then made sure the room was locked before heading for the elevator. See I was kinda brought up around the concepts of be ultra careful and take nothing for granted. While I'm not always like that, some traits invariably rub off by virtue of proximity.

And voilà whole family plus strangers were waiting in the lift for me. I think I hadn't kept them waiting much, no one looked pissed heh. (Why do I always keep people waiting for me sheesh. bad Fawaz, bad Fawaz!)

I hadn't really noticed but my mom said once I entered the lift the two girls at the back started 'speaking'. My mom imitated them a bit, it rang a bell, and triggered a massive WTF reaction. Fortunately what ensued was a fit of laughter, not a rude exclamation. Mak was going on and on about how they were trying to act cool, and how she would have cuit-ed (pinched) their arms till they screamed like he'll. IF she was their mom.

Please lah I don't think those girls were trying to impress me, that's just so ridiculous. But if they were, then sorry cos I didn't give a shit an I don't really give a shit unless I'm interested lol. And girls, it's not wervvit. Open your eyes PLEASE. And Mak, please don't hesitate to pinch if ever there is a need, elevator rides can be ultra boooooring.

Oh and about that! I sometimes do this weird something in lifts, just to try and freak people out. Dunno if it works, but saying it here could just spoil it all. Take an elevator with me.

And GOOD NEWS! People are somehow getting nicer, like they hold doors, say thanks and let you pass. I won't transform to Datuk Fawaz Tua Giler Nak Mampos (grandfather Fawaz so old want to die hahahaha I love love translations did anyone catch that) ( I love love rock, if that didn't ring a bell) just yet, but I'm sure if you think happy you'll be happy.

How can people say 'life got in the way', got in the way of what murrfkker?!

Please love this Earth otherwise there'll be nowhere left for us to screw around. Hmm, interpret that how you like. While you're at it, get smarter, stay sharp and be cool as a whatever the hell is cool enough.

Hello,
Is it clone day or something

Astral

2009-12-28T22:13:00.002+08:00

Lol wtf Syatirah and Rashidi tiba-tiba muncul di luar my house hahahah I'm still in shock, I'm easily shocked. How sweet of them, I really appreciate it a lot. And I found out the got a test next week. Wtf? Serious ke per? WHY!

Anyway, they're all smart kids. Whether they know it or not, whether they like it or not. See I was watching Spiderman just now, and the whole thing about... k nvm. Anyway good luck J1s with all your thangs, been there done that LOVED IT hahahahahhaha.

No, seriously.

I loved it. And hated it, what an awkward situation. Oh and Syat I hope you enjoy your pink mic hahahaha.

Mary I've not forgotten payment, contemplating snail methods, won't that be fun?

Anyway, if you read my blog enough, you'd know I have a certain inclination toward talking about my vitamin-induced piss colour. Somehow I find the subject very intriguing and interesting, not at all embarrassing. So once more, I'll share another story.

I hope I'm not repeating myself, age catching up.

I overdosed by accident, took two Vitamin B pills. Now these babies are some awesome shit. In short, for energy release and blah blah blah. If you lived a day with me you'd see why my mom's so insistent on me taking them. I'm forever asleep, then I'll sleep some more, and I'm so laid back its scary. So she thinks its a good idea that I feel a bit more energetic, so I can do useful stuff.

Right.

Well anyway, to describe the potency of this thing, I spent more hours awake than usual one day. The day before I overdosed. We went to visit my grandfather who had a fall, but is recovering well, Alhamdulillah. He's an awesome man, 92 if I'm not wrong. Still alert and everything, and full of stories. I need NEED NEED to learn Malayalam. Oh but one thing he said, I still remember clearly. Whatever you do, do it for, in this order, Allah, Rasul, Mak and Bapak.

My elaboration is, whatever you must be in their name. If you want to do something and you know Allah (if this applies to you, that is) won't be happy with it, then DON'T BLOODY DO IT. If Allah permits, but mother doesn't, then do.

Getting my bike license, for instance.

And its back to the vitamin story. So I spent more hours awake, then only got two hours of sleep, and about an hour later overdosed. You can't blame me, the vitamins were arranged like that on the table, where my portion (at least that's what I assumed) had two black pills. Turns out someone ter-messed up the arrangement or something.

Thing is, despite the severe lack of sleep, I outawaked the whole family (save Mak. Hmm, why ah?). Some time after lunch, everyone KO-ed and slept and slept till Maghrib I think. So I had the time of my life playing game after game on the ipodwhatpodallyourpodpod. And that night, stayed up some more to watch some TV.

Not a yawn the whole day, never nodded off, it was freaky. Freaky COOL SHIT!

BUT!

We're forgetting something. THE PISS.
Yeah the piss. It was so much more yellow than before, in fact I coulda swore it looked almost lime green. Like almost frickin' glowing in the toilet bowl. Smelt good too I think hahahahaha. Maybe that's cos I'm always overloading on water. But anyway, one more pill and I think it would've been acidic piss, melts right through your toilet! Try it yourself!

Come to think of it, shoulda turned off the lights to see if it really glew.
Yeah GLEW, get over it.

I just dropped the iPod but despite the sever heart trauma it caused me, it also revealed something else to me. If you don't hear it, it won't take as much damage. Thank you God, for allowing me to be listening to loud music at the time of the incident.

And how the HELL did it drop?! Thing was on the table! I was typing away!

Damn SPIRITS...

Oh and thanks for all the nice words everyone, right back atcha a million times.

Hello,
My name is a bella

Gapless Album

2009-12-28T01:12:00.002+08:00

I went for a wedding today, weddings scare the crap out of me. I don't know why but I find them very intimidating.

Does anybody want a pair of Sony Ericsson earpieces? I've got two actually.
Booooooooooriiiiiiiiinnnnnngggggggggggggg.

Hello,
Goodboring

Scventz

2009-12-26T03:48:00.002+08:00

I swear I keep hearing my name called. Recently it's been my mom's voice bit there've been others. The strange thing is, I'm more annoyed than afraid. Actually, I'm just plain irritated. It's frustrating to hear your name called only to turn around and find no one looking for you. What, playful phantom? Get a life. Oh yeah, can't.

Time' flying real fast doncha think. When I plan to do things it always seems theoretically sound. Seems is the keyword here, and the next big thing to happen is my battery's running out.

Both mechanical and biological. So I should've said batteries are. My mistake, sorry, time to go, good bye.

But then:
I did try
Plus
It didn't work
Equals
Aid deednt work

Useful short forms for the busy human.

Hello,
I loaf you

I Bored Boughtdom

2009-12-20T04:02:00.002+08:00

Ewmember I talked aviu change. Yeah change of name chang of dunno what blah blah. Well it's Bren around for sine time only people dint know. Don't Dont don't the quick brown fix jumps ofer the lazy dog.

Well anyway if you want early access th. I offe thee one clue for this time one night only bravo bravo.

I'll give you this one clue before I give eeryone the last clues, and before this place will see anything new again. Sooooooo it actually does t make a difference if IOU fiire it out or not.

Well anyways in all politeess, it's another name I go by I wish to go by it I use it sone know it you've seen it you can find it here

there I spilt maybe you wanna go a hunting if IOU find this new place, semi hallowed ground (I wish) then leave your mark. Numerical positioning would be great, privy?

Now I'll bus type away and see what cones out of it. Am I accurate ebough or will it all cone out as gibberish we don't know I'm sibereun g here Ora biking I'll jusgtap away lakamalalala no meani no ksjnskfnd. His isntsipposedbtk nake any sensedrli g do y you know because I miss you so all the teams we tried and there are strand houses shit strange noises shissy tine to go wow well done

500 Beside Me

2009-12-16T22:47:00.004+08:00

First of all, you must watch this. Its ahhsummm.

Dis man gud sal. Mek mie wan too tch oso. But eye rmb las tym eye oso wna tch soo eye ehm hpy.

Chinese-subbed Korean dramas and all their respiratory sounds. You can never get enough of that.

I was playing Kotor that day. Yeah again. And it struck me why Star Wars and Star Trek and whatnot are so popular, hordes of people are huge fans, movies, whatever, blah blah blah. Its cos the dam thing's so damn believable. Everything's made up, down to the smallest details, it seems like all the tech they talk about is just there somewhere, in a galaxy far far away. A long time ago too, depending on context.

I got to explore the Telos something, a ship, inside out. The hyperdrive, navicomputer, map room, the outer surface, every damn thing. And it all makes sense, it links, heck, they could create it for me to be in isn't that enough of an argument. Languages, aliens, shit I'm getting excited thinking about the game I can't write properly I may start getting incoherent so maybe you don't wanna keep reading, instead find out where you can get hold of the game then play it. And you must also watch the movies and read the books and immerse yourself in this frickin' genius George Lucas' world.

I'd be damned if he didn't make it all up, and instead did go to all those places once.
WHY DIDN'T HE INVITE ME.

Ok enough geek talk, nerdface.

EH HABIB HASSAN! ON THE NEWS! Bye enough of this blog shit I'm too lazy to type
Btw my piss is luminous and yellow and very possibly glow in the dark, because of my vitamins. Thanks Mak. Heeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Hello,
Do you know how to me

Angkat Besi

2009-12-13T02:04:00.002+08:00

So I said I wanna be philosophical today.

Kreia asked me why I was so willing to help everyone, and either of my responses (I loaded the level twice) got me this answer: sometimes by helping people you are doing them a disservice in the future. By going through struggles you get stronger, and small struggles are only followed by bigger ones.
As Mama said it would be impossible and very unnecessary to dissect every such scenario, dissect it from the micro level, to give you a better picture of how much thought could go into it. To make things easier, I have decided that I'll help when I can, when I need to. Teach a man to fish, and he'll feed himself forever (provided you let him keep the rod, and there's always fish. And that he lives forever), so that's how I'll help people. Don't spoonfeed.

Another conversation shed some light on the discomforts of reality. And I believe when there's enough light, you'll find that everyone has something that should have remained hidden, and that it could cause your image of the person to crumble. Because the person himself does not crumble, he has always carried that burden with him.

I have always hated such things, and hated these people even more. But then I'd have to hate (almost) everyone, because everyone is covering up some ugly truth. So I've given up hating. I won't be bothered with what I don't need to know, and I will judge people based on my observations. If you're nice to me, then chances are I won't give a shit that you were once some kind of monster. That statement is oversimplified, but I think it suffices.

Most importantly, I know what kind of person I want to be. I will be honest to everyone, I will not hide, and I will always do my best to be a good person. I don't want others to have to discover something about me that saddens them, or makes them change their view about me. What you know about me is enough for you to trust me, because I know what it feels like to trust someone or to look up to someone so much (though I'm not implying you should look up to me. Unless its literal, then, uh, you gots no choice) only to have everything forcibly redrawn, leaving me lost in a whole new sea of colours. I want everyone who ever needs to come into contact with me to know that I will be true to you, and that you can trust me.

Or you could just leave me alone and I'll be happy playing all my wonderful games (K.O.T.O.R.!!!!!!!!!!!) (and more) (a lot more) (maybe even too many more).

The MAI Family Day meeting this afternoon was great. Besides the fact that I was super embarrassed for coming late (I have this problem and it SUCKS) (and thanks a million for waiting for me, Zul. I'm sorry I had to pull you into the late basket hahahha. I owe you a few billion), I enjoyed myself a lot. Firstly Abang Aidel was a superb leader. Cos he knows what's going on, he knows everyone he's working with. He always gets people involved in discussion, and when you work with him you feel important. That's real important cos then everyone is motivated to do better. The other Aidel (hahaha I don't know his full name) was equally impressive. He gave off strong vibes of someone who's very intelligent and sharp, and he makes a good assistant, cos he knows when to call super-decisive actions. Its something to be able to confidently and authoritatively give an order, that makes sense and has the backing of your men. Firoz (correct speeling?) klakar giler ttm, you needa hang out with him if you wanna be put in a good mood real fast. The girls were brilliant, and although I didn't get to talk to them, they came across as very intelligent people. Like hidden intelligence, ask and it'll be revealed, not the showoff kind of intelligent.

Please ah, if anyone ever says wah you Raffles confirm smart, shut the hell up and open your eyes a bit. Talk to the people around you and you'll see how smart SO many people are. As a matter of fact, stop saying all these things if you don't like it that Raffles people are always 'the smart ones', the 'ones who'll go places' and whutewwa. The more you say it, the truer it becomes, and the bigger the heads of some of these raffle people.

And not to forget, Fauzan, Zul, Haliim and Haris who were there to make things funner. Haliim you're seriously one funny motherfather my brothers cannot tahan sak, they couldn't get enough of you please come back and let us bask in the light of your brilliance.

I desperately need to strengthen my shoulders, there's something wrong with my joints and my forearm bones. But if I stare enough at the mirror- no wait - at all the reflective surfaces that suffer my presence, then everything will be alright. The secret to a good body (not implying anything again, but you can assume I am. Confusing?) is all in your head. No stupid long hours of jogging on fking treadmills, no starvation and no complaining. Tell yourself you're good, eat well.

Yes, EATING.

I've come across lists of PowerFoods. Stuff like that. And these lists get longer and longer and lllllllllllllooooooonnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr.

WHY AH WHY

WHY? YOU KNOW WHY?

Because God, in His Brilliance, made everything (that is Halal) beneficial for us. If He says you can eat it, then jolly well eat it. Eat everything and eat moderately, stop before you're full, and trust me you'll be healthy fit nice body woohoo power ah. No shit about bad foods, got it?

So anyway. Datuk Fawaz Tua Krepot Too Many Years Of Experience hereby orders you to stare at your reflection for extended periods, do some poses, and let this run through your mind: oh my God I'm damn hot. Oh my God look at those- YEAHHH now THAT'S what I call biceps. And my- *flexes harder* - yeahhhhh sexy abssss. Sialah this is too much to handle. But amma handle it anyway cos I'm too hot to handle.

Something like that ah, modify to your taste. Its not what I say, but I think its still good and should work. REMEMBER EVERYONE YOU'RE ALL BEAUTIFUL! James Blunt might write a song about you, but I'd rather he run away crying. Maybe take off all his clothes again. He can't get enough of his body too, how cool is that.

I'm slightly hungary but I'm gonna sleep anyway.

Hello,
Don't think too ice

Don't be mad if I'm starring

2009-12-12T00:53:00.003+08:00

Today was ahhsummmmmm.

Firstly thanks to Arif and Danial I'm so touchéd (hahahahahahaha) to say the least. I'm also malas to try to express myself wellely.

Now that I'm thinking a bit, I realize I didn't thank Zul Syafiq Has Fads Filzah. Like I didn't explicitly mention your name. Rest well knowing you played a part in the building of this ahhhsumm body of mine.

Somebody should really gimme a slap yaknow.

K back to being nice. I was damn happy to be with te mats today, one day when I'm old I'll look back at thus period of my life and go 'good days, good days'. Thanks Ame for allowing us to terrorize your house and for taking our ravaging of several packages ofsweet confectionary treats, so well. Maybe you gotta thank all the lizards for providing you with some excitement.

And thanks a lot to Khairul too, I really enjoyed riding you. You were really good and kept good control, taking good care of us all. To the rest of the guys, it was good squeezing with y'all. EH but SERIOUSLY thanks FOR sending me HOME. One day we can all go driving together, as a convoy, that'd be mighty cool and a mighty waste of minyak if its one person per car.

Anyway I'm also addicted to The Sims 3 on my phone. Let me explain my genius plan. It'd be too much to buy everythig I need for my house like a stove or toilet shower wutewwa. So I made Nina my best friend, and when you're best friends it means you can do whatever the hell you want to in their house and they won't kind. I sleep there a lot, watch the TV cook my meals read books you name it. All at Nina's house. It's also the most conveniently located house on the map, near the lake where I go fishing near my workplace near EVERYTHING. So I was hoping I could fall in love with her, cos that's one of my Sim's goals. I flirted and used picked up lines and embraced her tenderly (limited options, not my fault) but we never moved in from being best fiends. Did I say fiends? I meant friends.

Then I met Anya.

(I'm very dramatic right)
So anyway this Anya girl was a stranger, but we kicked things off well. The trick is to be romantic once you're friends, don't o further than that. Keep ip your Romeo thang and soon you'll be a couple, not good friends. I don't use Anya's house so much but I'm glad I completed one of my Sim's goals.

I think I'm getting quite used to typing like this. I'm especially happy that The path to wêïrd vürdz hâth bæn màdę úpen.

I wanna sleep I needs get bigger and I wanna write a philosophical post tomorrow. Philosophicish maybe. Be good everyone hehehe.

Hello,
I think I wanted to have said goodbye

telos

2009-12-11T06:54:00.001+08:00

i'm addicted to knights of the old republic 2 i'm not sleeping i'm not eating right wow this is so exciting

Solid State Smoke

2009-12-10T03:36:00.000+08:00

After reading around a bit I was quite impressed by the way a lot of my friends write. They sound really intelligent (like really intelligent) and they're so clear with what they say, I can almost feel the same emotions running through them. Something like that.

So I thought I'd write something intelligent too. A break from all the nonsense you'd find here.

Yeah right. All I can think about now is how I needa get that new hard disk tomorrow, and of all the updates I've been running. I started K.O.T.O.R. (Knights of the Old Republic. Pretty suggestive name, I know) 2 two days ago, and I'm hooked. I remember seeing an ad for this game once upon a time in one of my gaming magazines. I was hooked to the idea of playing as a Jedi, and now I'm living my childhood fantasy.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA. Araknow that just sounded so unnecessarily dramatic.

More crap, everyone? More crap headed your way.

People change, you can't deny that. I've changed, but I'm looking for a reference point. Cos I'm sure I stopped changing awhile back. I'm thinking the same way I've been thinking for some time. But I notice a lot of people around me are changing.

I don't always like that.

Some people change because they're going with the groove. Only if you don't take a step back, you might not realize how much you're fking yourself up. But you're so in to it you don't wanna get out, I think. So if you change, and I feel it, and you realize that, don't be mad if I behave differently towards you. I'm just reacting. And remember, I'm an ENFP, a teddy bear, a pacifist, someone who takes relationships seriously. I have very strong sentimental attachments to things, I frickin cried the whole night when I lost a part of something back in, sec 1? Primary 5~6?

Point is, even if I grow distant from you, its because I don't wanna make an enemy out of you. I want us to remain friends, and remaining the way we are now will make things worse. I'm being as general as I can so you can adapt this to your situation if you somehow feel I'm referring to you hahahahha. To be honest I'm not thinking of anyone now. Kreia, maybe, if you count her as a person. (If you know what I'm talking about: if she's a Jedi and if she still knows so much, how come she's so weak. I had my memory wiped out, remember?)

The more I try to accept it, the harder it is for me to make myself want to be with everyone. I guess I'm just like that; I prefer things alone. I need people, yes, but not everyone, and these needs change. To make myself clear, partly because I don't like people getting the wrong impression and then worrying/questioning (I get irritated when people associate me with the wrong emotions. Wrong because I'm incompatible with them, my name shouldn't come anywhere close to them) me: if I say something then I mean it, don't second-guess me and don't feel unnecessarily for me. I need breaks from everything, especially people.

Because people are so complicated yet so transparent; it doesn't help that being blunt all the time can be so hurtful. I don't think I'm that good at reading people, but whatever much I can do, is too much for me. I don't like it when I sense subconscious nuances, see people hiding feelings, or have to hide feelings myself just because its the best thing to do.

I think I really wanna live alone in the future, provided I get over my fears. If there's monsters in the attic why can't there be monsters anywhere else? You figure that out then tell me, I might wanna listen.

I have until May to do things I need to do. Right now, the two most important things are fixing my damn internet connection so I can publish this post. Then comes getting ready to sleep. I'm not including sleep cos I don't know if it'll come, but I quite like that anyway.

Be happy people, and don't ever let anyone be the boss of you. Unless its your mom, cos you see, well, ah nevermind. I'll preach another day.

Hello,
I am sithing down

Dutty Jobs

2009-12-08T07:36:00.002+08:00

See lah, this is what happens when I postcrastinate (I just made that up, I know, you're welcome) something for far too long: a post with content spanning the entire Force Nebula. That's the fifth galaxy on the travel-log of the Nepstar Twin space rover, set to relaunch two years from now.

I made all of that up too.

Aaaaaanyway, I just had my first post-post-gym protein shake. Yesterday was my first post-gym shake, and I was excited as hell. From today onwards, I'm supposed to take a serving first thing every morning. Wake up, head for the kitchen, mix maself a shake and then try not to shake as I gulp it down. This BCAA thing's supposed to help me grow.

But isn't that fake? I hear you ask...

Well lemme reason out a bit. We all need a certain amount of everything to function optimally. Almost, if not everything, can be obtained from the food we eat. But sometimes we don't get to eat all we need, for whatever reasons. Also, we may also have to eat a lot a lot a lot just to get a certain amount of something - like protein. Almost all my life I've been on all sorts of suppplements:
Vitamin C tablets, everyone knows what they're for but people like me just don't know what the hell they do
Vitamin B complex pills that make your piss really yellow, I swear it's causation is scientifically proven. These babies are supposed to help with energy release, protein synthesis and who knows what else. Read your Milo tin or cereal box, they bother to explain.
Omega 3 FAT!ty acids thingamajigum. In short, I try to be smarter.
Cod liver oil. In both yucky form and thank-God-for-pills form.
Brand's essence of chicken
Ginseng powder. Tasted nutty and I choked 9/10 times. Then gave up before the 11th time.
And the list goes on...

My point! Finally! Supplements can be a good thing, they help you get what you otherwise don't. So that's it for protein shakes. It gives me the protein I need when I need, without having to kill too many chickens. Cos you see I still gotta hunt for my food...
And the branch chain amino acids thing, I'm quite sure they can be found elsewhere. Like soybean milk? But that lifestyle is so much more expensive and not as beneficial. So voila, enter NutriFirst protein powder.

Power ah.

Oh yeah Grad Night. Ok ok only ah... its like everyone paid to go there and just take photos. The waiters were damn skillded though, they always are, and we had a good time watching them dexterously cut and serve our portions. I think everyone was so caught up in all that photography business that the whole programme seemed half-pointless. People were not always paying attention, or not sporting enough. Maybe we gotta get them drunk next time hehehe. Even though some of the performances really can go hisap, the major plus of the night was seeing everyone dressed up. Hahahahaha as Arif pointed out, suddenly so many hot girls. Seriously sak where the hell did they all come from - or where have they been hiding. That said, girls seem to think that less kain (cloth) = more hot. Some of them were, to me, screaming out through their clothes: I wish I could be naked! But I had some leftover cloth, so...

Really? With all these intelligent girls talking about equal rights and all, its so funny to see them willingly and so surely take a path they often denounce. When girls are portrayed like that in movies, its baaaaad. In games, baaaaad. Oh but its prom so ok show as much as you want lol. But just for the record, aurat issues aside, I think a lot of the girls really looked very good, like they pulled off their look real good. Good job ah.

A lot of the guys were also damn cool, and good job to the guys because for once, I think it was harder for the guys to dress up. So many options and combinations, it can be a headache if you wanna stand out of the crowd.

I realize my blog posts are too full of words.

For the sake of it, I'm going to tell you all about camels now.

They are really sensitive animals. All it takes for you to clear a path through a herd of camels is to raise your hands, wave them a bit and go chi chi chi chi. That wasn't an incomplete word, so please don't attempt to complete it.

The calluses on their underbelly are present from birth. Rock hard, they provide cushion for when a camel wants to, uh, sit? The calluses on their knees are formed from many sits.
Their calluses can sometimes get infected. This is not good. The bedouins squirt burnt motor oil on the affected areas, and that works as good as hell. Cool, eh.

Camel poo can cure dysentery. Just, you know, eat it.
Camel piss can clean your hair, if you've got messed up hair with bugs and stuff.
Camel milk is lactose free and very low in fat.

Camels are extremely social and kinaesthetic. They thrive on positive relationships and like to be touched.

Trainers inspect their toes for any growths or whatever, to make sure the camels are healthy. A camel may not like it, and so might kick if you feel around for too long. Pull back, then stroke the leg, then go back to the toe. Now stop and get out of there before it kicks again.

Bull camels, or male camels, show off to females by bringing out their soft palette - a red flap of flesh that resembles a tongue - and blowing through, creating a weird noise. Come to think of it again, it sounds like a fart.

That's enough of cameltalk I wanna backup my data. Stay everything positive hahaha.

Hello,
I'm highly inperfect

555 king ha ho hahahha

2009-12-05T02:01:00.002+08:00

Today I got a chocolate facial, and hung out with five of the coolest people in the wurld. To be honest I was quite glad it rained, baru shiok. If everything was sunny and bright and dry then there'd be nothing to worry about or to half-stress over. Its like you need some 'problem' to drive you to greatness and fun and good stuff. Anyway, shiok giler ttm I loved every bit of it. Thanks lots everyone. I wish I could write more but I've hyper nervous yet tired. More soon.

I gotta get the lyrics down now, LYRICS dayumn, stress sak. Phewwwww. WHOOO.

Protein. I'm a convert. Full body full mental no compromise, get ready for a bigger better stronger faster Fawaz.

I'll post pics of the superb sight of protein-ness on my table. And my theories, you're interested I know. Tace kare everyone.

Hello,
Whey? Who izzit?

In the Making

2009-12-04T02:33:00.002+08:00

I haven't had my 24 hour sleep marathon. From the looks of it I'm quite well prepared.

Must do lots and lots and lots and lots of computer stuff. Get a new GPU, another external hard disk, backup everything, maybe reformat. Defragmentation must come as second nature. Fix up the other com, get all my games sorted out and completed. Clean up the whole damn computer table, maybe get a new one. Oh yes I was supposed to get a new table. This one looks like it might cave in.

All my books still here, but I needa start on chemistry first. Lotsa reading to do I can't wait but where do I start?

First step to greatness: turn in for the night. Live it up everyone hahahahhaha.

Hello,
Were you from here?

Bapak The Man

2009-12-02T01:29:00.005+08:00

Today got a lot of photos.

It was while uploading everything that I remembered why I ever stopped uploading so many photos. Blogger's photo uploading service is a bitch.

I went back to Picasa and saw that I could select more than 4/5 photos and then click Blog This!
But Picasa was left waiting forever for the service to respond, so it kept me waiting, so I concluded that Picasa's a bitch too.

Votewa! Today was a good day, two contributing reasons:
I sang Feeling Good, both Buble's original and Lambert shithead's rendition, in the shower. Screaming and all. That left me feeling good I guess.

Secondly, I Got A Feeling was stuck in my head the entire journey to The Place, and it escaped through my mouth a lot. Tonight really was a good night.

Alhamdulillah!

NOW!

PRESENTING...

My father

Hahahahaha no one saw that coming. Let's get another view, from when his hand successfully worked some magic.

Here you'll notice that he has conjured some light, maybe even set something ablaze.

Bapak I think you studied too much.
I think Mak looks superly duperly pretty. Did I ever tell her that? I should.

Shoulda used my kamera ah, this's a lil blurrish.

In the lobby, there was this frickin' house made of frickin' candy and everytyhing delicious. TAKE A CLOSER LOOK AT THE FRICKIN' PHOTO!
Some idiots even plucked off cookies and rock-hard cream puffs. Those bastards.

Next time let me EAT them not paste them all over some idiot's house.

Why the faces? Cos candy got an earlier mention than us.
Great.

On to more stuff.

Someone else's work, on a bench in school. Find it.

This calculator. Remember this calculator?
Well it was covered, every side of it, in girly stickers. Girly ttm, one glance and you'll turn gay.
And some people thought it was my calculator.
MY calculator.

COVERED IN GIRLY STICKERS.

thanks.

Hahahaha you know I'm playin', 'tis all in the name of good humour.

Study the photo and you'll figure out where it was from.
I found it funny cos I read it as Stop dating Violence,
like you can date this thing violence.
A date-able entity, like, you know,
geedit? Uhh... yeah I think I'm done.

I'm all for crediting artists, but I dunno if he'd want his name associated with this hahahahhahahahhahahhahaha.

One day after Haris and Haliim left the table, I found the top note, in Haris' handwriting.
So I replied uh duhh.

The Brilliant Invention by Fawaz and Muzhaffar
Circa 2009

This is from a playground near my house. I swear the eyes freak me out.
They freaking freak me out I'm not kidding dammit they work even through peripheral vision.
I got to get me ass out of here.

Or hit enter till the page is sufficiently lengthened.

NO MORE PHOTOS THANK GOD. Actually got ah but wtv.

I always wanted a life where I didn't have to answer to so many people, where I'd spend my time doing what I wanted and needed to. Own time own target. I used to have to do so many favours for people. The same thing is starting for this holiday, and it won't end till I'm in NS (CIVIL DEFENCE WOOHOO!!!! Please set your house on fayyah if you want me to pay you a visit in record time).

At first I was a little irritated. Firstly, for getting myself in a position where someone could ask something from me. Secondly, for agreeing to help so much. Thirdly, I'm starting to have to plan my days to accommodate what other people want.

Then I realized, that this is a good thing. It means that people need me, that I'm useful. And that's the first step to living a good life where you're paid to exist. I've mentioned that before some time back, quoted from Jonathan Mead. So now I'm actually happy that people want me to do stuff for them; people need me, and I like that.

And when people need me, I might need help, and that will mean that I'd need my friends. All my good friends who are always there for me. I'm not mentioning family cos I need them 24/7 regardless of what I say hahahaha. But back to point: it means we all need each other, we keep each other alive. How cool is that.

That said, I still like a degree of nonattachment, independence so to speak. Need when you can't do it yourself, not depend on people. Fingers tired, gotta stop. Keep safe get smarter stay sharp be happy be happy and be happy.

Hello,
Lypsink

Veency

2009-11-28T03:51:00.003+08:00

I'm pretty much very super nocturnal and screwed up now. I survived on three hours of sleep from 3 to six am, now I'm still up, and I'm supposed to go out the whole day tomorrow. This can only get more interesting.

They've finally finished repairing the LHC and I'm frickin' excited to see what it can do. It better do something, cos it sure cost a ton. It'd be a great shame to all those nerdy scientists if nothing comes out of this. Shame on you in advance, just in case. I think Haliim is as interested as me, maybe more. He knows a lot. He'd understand this: there are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

We should totally make out one day man.

But now that I'm half-thinking, I can name a Muz who'd know more than binary. Maybe he solves multivariable calculus questions for the fun of it, a pastime? I do not know.

I lost the plastic thing on my phone again.

I found exercises to correct my rounded shoulders and I'm gonna start tomorrow. I'll post the video here soon cos sharing is caring and its good.

When the heck am I gonna take my highway code and start driving license. Speaking about driving. There was this frickin' cool leather jacket I saw at Crocodile just now. The coolest shit for now. It cost like 300 bucks, it would probably be damn cool to wear that for grad night. But its totally not worth it, I don't like spending my parents' money like that. Wait till I'm damn rich, then we talk. Still, even if they would buy it for me, it'd just seem incomplete cos I don't have a BIKE.

BIKE.

BIKE.

Which I will never ride. Hahahahha. Hint hint hint hint hint. Nahh they've made up their minds a long time ago, I guess I'll just have to make money fast enough to get a car. Think MIT blackjack team but in a completely halal way. Go figure.

How the hell do you get bigger arms?!

Did I mention I lost the plastic thing on my phone again.

I think I'm at this stage in my life when I'm finally GROWING UP. Mental-wise, though I'm still child-like. Not childish, child-like. I'll always be like that. Then again, I've had this feeling so many times. But now, I've got better justifications. I used to look up to a lot of people; not anymore. I see through so many people I love, I hate them for their flaws but love them still. I cannot understand how they ended up that way, why they cannot change, and why they are so narrow-sighted. I don't want to be like them, even though I used to want to be them. I realize people weigh you down a lot; they cause you a lot of pain and misery, intentionally or not. Its not because people are bad, I believe we're intrinsically good. Its because its been going on for such a long time that we're so caught up in this vicious cycle, some don't bother to stop and think wtf is wrong.

This is where living alone comes in, oh that very appealing idea. But then I'll have no anak2 and cucu2 to boast to, to share all my incredible stories with. Adopt children? Other children? There are many children out there who need such a figure, maybe I could be that for them.

I realized today just how strong the bond between siblings are. Half the time I'm around my brothers I'm pissed at them, the most part of the other half we spend doing our own things. But when we're together, I feel this powerful connection, this energy. Its like we're strong when we're together, like we're all the same person. We're so much like each other and we love each other so much without saying. I'm on the verge of tears now. Because I know that the time we have together is limited; once we die, siblings will not see or recognize each other again.

God gave us this special gift to make full use of. The time we spend on this earth is challenging, but our siblings are a secret weapon He has given us. A one-use lifeline that's worth more than you can imagine. I love my brothers so much, I wish I was more patient. I wanna be more patient. I don't wanna regret anything, they're too special to me.

That's enough I gotta stop.

Have fun with your friend

2009-11-24T22:50:00.003+08:00

I was reading about Paranormal Activity awhile ago, and was pretty impressed with what I saw. So I shared: I read aloud that the film cost $15000 to produce but grossed like $100000000. That's a hundred million.

But someone (I'm trying my best to be good and respectful here) had to remark: so all the idiots went to watch lah.

Rule number one, don't talk about something you don't know about. Rule number two, always be nice. Rule number three, don't talk so much about others if all you can say is what people have been telling you.

Bottom line, nobody fucks with me.

Ok back to the movie, I'm done being pissed. I'm all for happiness, see.

Truth be told, Syafiq Zul and myself were laughing most of the time, and passing, uh, comments amongst ourselves. The movie was scary, especially the last half hour of it. I think a lot of people (like some Singaporeans, the rating on GV is 3/5 wtf) can't really appreciate it cos of a lack of brains, put simply. Things work when the content delivered binds its tender threads with the streams of an audience member's thoughts. Then he understands everything, becomes a part of the movie, and allows it to grow in his noggin. THEN he can feel what's supposed to be felt, and truly enjoy the movie.

Not just fuckin sit down and expect everything to be fed to his fuckin face.

Which is why I enjoyed the movie. It didn't spoonfeed me, it gave me something to think about, presented in a very believable form. While I may not have pissed my pants there, the ideas and scenes from the movie are stuck in my head, and will surely start to mutate and merge with the rest of my mind, only to sink below the surface. Then when the correct trigger is pulled, the whole thing materializes as a new fear, and I get half creeped out. Half only, cos I'm damn brave. And you must always 'control handsome'.

While I might be able to sleep tonight, I'm sure I'll lay wide awake some night, imagining all sorts of shit. Bravo, I liked it, I like what its gonna do to me.

Now I've got another headache, what to wear for grad night. I was seriously considering going nude or maybe just an underwear or something, but everyone seems to laugh at that idea. So funny meh? I'm quite sure some tribes somewhere find that kinda attire glamorous. Ahh neeehhhmind I'll go shopping (YAYY!) (HAHAHHAHAHA) soon.

I need more scary films ah.

And protein. On Friday Zul convinced me to take protein, and for the most part of the night I was damn looking forward to it. But then I thought about it again, and nahhh. Its not artificial or whatever, its all good and stuff, but I think. I think, too many people take it. Its almost like you see a buff guy (think me. Ceyy tak malu sak budak nih...) and assume he takes protein. Protein = semi instant buff. So that's not what I wanna be, cos I'm so speshul and all. Like, you know, the only 'truly unique' person in the world. Like, there's no one, NO ONE else like me, and I'm doing yall a favour by existing. Ok that's quite enough, I can feel angry stares already.

But just picture this. Someday in the future, if lah, IF I get interviewed by some whatever, and if I'm truly buff then, then they'll be bound to ask me things like:
What's your routine?
Yada yada.
Then comes the killa:
Do you take suppplemen-
NEIIINNNN!!!! NEVAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Oh but I take vitamin C and B complex and some other Brand's thing every morning. [Insert super wide good-boy-plus-innocent smile]

Then the next day, when the thing hits the press, people will choke and jump outta their socks and faint or something.

BECAUSE.

The headline, which is about something else totally unrelated to me, is super shocking. Just a coincidence that there's an interview with Fawaz (huh who?) somewhere in the back pages, strewn all over the place, inconsistently small font, ink smudges, half my face unprinted, maybe a big IGNORE THIS right across the affected pages.

I think that's enough, I'm done procrastinating the inevitable. Good, good sleep.

Hello,
Ich versteh euch nicht

Neverflicker Lights

2009-11-17T01:34:00.002+08:00

I'm half thinking this is not such a good time to do it, but I've been doing it anyway.

Doing what, Fawaz?

Fixing my version of Thief 2.

Dayumn, really? Why it need fixing?

Well ya see my bro only did install it and run it one time, and it did that freeze thang and got all hung. Today I try, and Gawddamn? It did the same thang!

No shit!

I ain't playin'! So I'm all pissed off and stuff, and I'm like wuuut? So I hit them google sites, and found me a coupla places that could help. And they's sayin' stuff about hyperthreadin and modern computers and all that shit, so I'm like aite, aite, we do this one step at a taam. So I do's they say, then guess what man!

What man! C'mon ya killin' me!

Heh aite aite keep it cool. Well ya see, I's doin all they's askin me to do and in the end that dayumn game tells me I gat the wrong CD in!

Hell no!

Hell yeah! And I's checkin' it again and again, makin' sure I's got the right CD, and my eye's not playin' wit me or anythang. But dayumn dawg, the thing messed up furreal!

Aw jeez, what you go' do bout' it man?

Go' do? I did it, hell, I still doin it!

While ya talkinna me right now? That's dope, brutha.

Word. So ya see, I undeed all the thang that I wuz doing before this, and I start from scratch. The basics, you know wha'm sayin?

Yeah, yeah, I feel ya.

So I'm thinkin', I's gat to do some updates first, so I did. I went and looked, and whacha know, there's this update for ma graphic card. And I swear dawg, I think ma display looks a lot nicer now. And you wouldn't believe how scared I was at the installation, what with all the blue screens I've seen.

Oh shit man that's gotta bite.

Yeah, yeah, but I kept it cool and now its workin. So I just installed the game again, I'm gonna go head and do the rest o' the steps. Amma catch ya later and tell ya everythin I do, sos youken use it if you gotta, you know.

Great lookin' out bro, I owe you. To all yall bruthas and sistas out there, keep it real, we go' come back for more tech ackshen soon yall, hang tight. Peace out.

Hello,
I ain' playin' foo'

MDK

2009-11-15T00:41:00.002+08:00

There's a ton o' games out there that need playing, and I'm gonna continue my journey but getting MDK and MDK II ASAP. BEFORE THEY DISAPPEAR FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH like, almost, The Grim Fandango. I remember seeing that game almost everywhere as I kid, but I thought little of it. Picked it up once in awhile, but never gave it the attention it deserved.

That is a character flaw that I regret till today.

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE ANYTHING and always give everything a go. The new Fawaz will not make such mistakes again, no sir.

This damn cut on my upper lip is killing me, making simple things like eating, talking, even living, extremely challenging. Go away you damn cut.

I think its an 8800 or 8600 GTS that'd do the trick, gotta remember that. I'm talking graphics cards, in case you're lost but very eager on understanding what I'm saying.

Its bloody unfortunate that Duane's out of Singapore Idol, I always looked forward to his performances, provided I watch the damn show in the first place. He's got a good voice I tell ya. And its so unfair that the judges are always giving him crap. Florence unintentionally insulted him a few times with her stupid comments like 'classic case of zero to hero'. Florence dear, such statements imply that the recipient once fit the first adjective in your sentence. Or stupider things like 'you don't have the looks or the dunnowhat'. COME ON don't EVER say that to a person. I don't think she meant to sound that way, but you could tell that the poor kid was hurt. Besides, everyone knows you're supposed to think before you talk.

Dick Lee isn't as bad I guess, although he's really afraid of a dancing Duane. Dunno why lol. But Ken, Ken's one helluva major son of a b****. His gay over-lipsticked ad aside (for the record I think the Taufik feature was cool. Take away all the portions with Ken and you have a decent ad.), he has GOT to be the most contradictory judge in the history of assholism. I caught a bit of the repeat telecast today; he told Charles (wtf Stitch?! ...really,now...) or someone not to try anything different at this stage of the competition, instead give audiences something new. As I saw it, 'something new' goes hand in hand with trying 'something different'. He's always trying to act quiet cool, always trying to sound smart. Well Ken, sometimes you are, once upon a time you were a good judge, but if you're gonna keep this up you might wanna consider improving yourself in a few areas. Firstly, if you wanna talk smart, get smart. Don't bite off too much to chew, and end up convoluting your whole comment or fumble with wrapping it up. Talk about things you can talk about, or that you can try to talk about. Secondly, you might wanna learn new adjectives as you seem so fond of them. Thirdly, this is an fking competition so give them a break, stop trying to act so terrifying and instead tell them HOW TO IMPROVE. Also, you might wanna avoid asking stupid/rhetorical questions. And if you find it hard to speak in long sentences, keep 'em short and stick to simple words. That way you avoid embarrassing grammatical errors.

Duane if somehow you're reading this, I'm behind yo back man. Keep improving and keep working at your dreams. If you dowanna take exams then to hell with them! No one out there can prove that life's gonna go downhill if you don't go wit da flow (oh ya Florence darling, judge him as a competitor. Don't have to get all motherly and talk about his school and shit), in fact there are many people who go wit da flow and end up worse off. Don't give up boy.

Maybe I should say something now just cause I can, also because I need to make space for new thoughts, revolutionary ideas and evil schemes.

Just because I'm not your enemy it doesn't mean I'm your friend. And just cause I tolerate your bullcrap it doesn't mean I like it, or that you should carry on with it, or that I just won't hit you one day. Most of the time, you can tell a lot about how I'm feeling, from my facial expression. Take a hint, maybe take a hike if you're that irritating. Regardless, don't push me. Somehow, I find myself holding back a lot of combo, super, max-power and upgraded attacks on some people. For your own safety please do not ever break the fragile barrier that stands between you and complete destruction. Cos, like, seriously, I can destroy you, effortlessly. I'm a psychic, ninja, cyborg, mutant, wizard, supervillain, Jedi thing, what more could you ask for?

I think its also apt that I tell all my friends not to wrongly terasa, cos if you fit the character-type above, it should probably be damn obvious by now. And if I'm always friendly and alive and humorous in your company then its very probable that I'm cool witcha.

I was walking to school the other day, when the ice-cream man, in the distance, took off his helmet and started ringing his Ice-Cream Bell. Its a holy thing, the bugle that calls many a young trooper to the divine site of frosted cool treats. Anyway as I neared him, he looked at me and I smiled, and he smiled back and nodded.

I WAS DAMN HAPPY!

Seriously sia small things like smiling at a person can make such a big difference, why do people find it so hard to do so? WHEN I'm bigger and taller and whatever, I'm gonna smack people around for carrying long/dead/dull faces. Bloody irritating. I just realized I got a lot of stories about irritating people. So the sum it all up,

SCREW ALL YOU IDIOTS.

And,

HELLO GOOD PEOPLE, MAY I JOIN YOU. I wanna be a good person hahahahhahahahahhaha. Although I realize I make a good criminal. I even LOOK like one! OH YA! Some people agree with that hehehe.

MOST OF ALL, I wanna go to sleep. Now.

Hello,
Never be lost again

This just in

2009-11-11T00:03:00.002+08:00

Happened awhile ago and I was tickled.

Bapak told us a joke about Captain Hook, then I remembered another, which followed very similarly to his.

Why did Captain Cook die?

Bapak: Because he scratched his heart

Haha no. Because he scratched his balls.

Bapak, Fauzan and Fahim start laughing.

Fahim: Owww now I feel pain
Bapak: Hahaha that's a-hahahha. Hahahah good one.
Fauzan: Hehe... eh but keka that's not a nice joke.

Why not?

Fauzan: Not nice la! Why must talk about all these things

Fahim: But we all have what.

Bapak: Ya its just a joke

Fauzan: (silence for some time) Eh but why must he die! Why didn't he scratch himself with his other hand, he's not called Captain HOOKS what.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. I seriously cannot tahan sia, sometimes he says the most simplistically brilliant and funny things.

I thought about this while trying to sleep... wow sleep...

4 divided by 2 can be translated to four objects divided amongst two recipients.
So each of them gets 2.
0 divided by anything, is like this: you have nothing but you wanna give something to everyone. In the end they get nothing.

Soooo, anything divided by zero is: you have something, and you don't wanna give it to anyone, so you're left with what you have.
Apparently that's not the case. Anything divided by zero is infinity, or undefined. Either one or both, can't recall. I think I know why. Its because subtle intricacies have meticulously been crafted into the fabric of our lives, to create gentle dips and folds in it so we may be swayed to a desired conclusion. A goal of the people in power, or the influential-selfish.

This is a case of the defence of selfishness.

I have something. Because I don't give it to anyone, it balloons and explodes into a countless many. I am rich. I am happy. So I'll keep not giving.

K whatever I relleh gotta sleep.

Hello,
Truncated travels

To myfinity and be gone

2009-11-09T15:42:00.000+08:00

This will make for unpleasant heavy reading, some side effects possible. Negative, maybe, but I'm not feeling those vibes. But on with it already.

I'm sitting here staring at my paper, then getting back to typing this. I can't help but wonder if the invigilators can't see what I'm doing, or have chosen to let it pass. I did tell them something, but I didn't think it'd work this well. Either way I'm gonna keep saying what I want said, and we'll see what happens from there. Maybe someone'll tell me to stop dreaming and get back to reality.

So, do you know what the reality is. The real situation I'm in, or not pretending to be in. Have I spun enough of a web to catch you somewhere? Gee this is very exciting.

Now the real stories begin.

HWAAAAALAOOOOOOOOOO. Heart pain to the maksimum. Yesterday Fauzan told me bluntly that I look like a skinny girl. SKINNY isn't enough, he had to say GIRL. I was shocked beyond words for awhile, I took off my shirt and went 'THIS?! YOU CALL THIS SKINNY?!' All he could say was yah you have a skinny build, you don't look big. I went to Fahim who was obviously not paying attention to what was going on in the hall, cos he was absorbed in his game (I think. Maybe he's got a super radar too araknow), and he said ya you're skinny.

WHAT. WHAT? WHAT?!

The worst part of it is that I was terribly affected by what they said, Fauzan even had the cheek to tell me I WASN'T EATING ENOUGH. They always think I'm on some weird diet, everything I do is strange and a subject of some mockery, and at the end of the day, I still have my insecurities to catch me when I fall.

So thanks, for making me fell SO GOOD about myself. I can't help it you know, I try really hard but its just my nature. What people say about me really REALLY matters, and what people don't say or imply matters just as much. I hate it but it hasn't gone away. Just gotta live with it I guess, and keep pretending I'm fine/not fine like I've done for so long, that I can do so well. Bravo Fawaz hahahhahaha.

Here I am trying to be a good boy. I try to keep the house clean, I keep things where they should be, dust here, whatever there. I go to school and I sit down and STUDY. Sometimes I really can't take it but I force myself to do it, to practice harder and to remember everything. I'm exhausted, holding back so much, blah blah blah, and so many people can easily cast so much of doubt on me. Ladies and gentlemen I present you with the new 'three hardest words to say', 'I trust you'.

Now seriously. I gotta say this, please let me say this, I'm sorry and I'll get mad at myself later, and whoever can say whatever LATER. But what the F*** does everyone think I'm doing in school? Seriously, wtf? What's 'I don't know' or whatever. I'm not a fking stupid child, I know what I've got to do.

This all fits in nicely with my thoughts about people. I believe people are intrinsically good, maybe simple, but we are what we are now because of other people. Sometimes good people are pulled in the wrong direction, or weighted down, because of other bad people. The worse case is if they're family, because then you can't break the bonds that tie you to something you'd rather not talk about. Think about it, and maybe you'll agree with me on this. In our society, we have so diligently built walls and set traps around ourselves, and parents lovingly cuff and shackle their children, cutting branches from the tree of their future. They streamline you to the path they were forced into, utterly convinced that everywhere else is a black hole.

There exist 'anomalies', of course, people who do not fit this description. I can bravely say that these are people who are truly happy, and who live not just exist. I need to quantify this, and I'll work on my ideas more once I'm out of school. School, haha, not so much an exploration of vast knowledge rather a training camp to meet someone's expectations. Then they give you the boot and that's it.

I've said some of that before. And this, to some people: to me, something I do can be pathetic to everyone, but if my mother says its good, I feel a lot better. And it doesn't matter if the whole world likes something I do, because if my mother doesn't, I'm crushed. Everything will mean nothing. That's why I get very sad when some people say some things. Whatever it is you don't have to worry about a thing Mak, I love you very much and I promise I'll take care of everyone. No one will have to worry about anything as long as I'm around, and you can count on me to get everything done. Wait and see.

Someone said in school just now that they care about me, and I forgot to say thanks. I was pretty stunned, to be honest, but this is what ran through my mind: you don't know how much I'd do for all of you, in a heartbeat. Really, I'll be there for you just the same.

I was thinking some more about my hypothesis, that you can tell a lot about a person from their face. I narrowed it down a bit to several distinguishable features: the eyes, mouth and head shape.

I noted that people have different ways of listening to others. Some frown slightly, as I sometimes do, some listen with wide eyes. I also observed that the eyes either focus or appear to stare blank. I think this shows how the person is responding. Picturing everything you're saying, trying to feel how you felt, or trying to make sense out of it. I also think it has got to do with personality. Its very messy now, I need to work on it later.

But more importantly, its when you're not talking to a person. If I'm right, people with a relatively high mental capacity usually have alert eyes, that are sharp, or have a certain look when the person's dreaming. It appears that how someone perceives the world (primarily through sight) reflects the amount of activity in his brain. Less intelligent people tend to have an empty stare, rarely focusing on anything, always looking vacant. The dreamy face of that kind of person could probably resemble someone almost dozing off, more than daydreaming. The zoning out often associated with the 'nothing box' is in fact a period where thoughts fly freely and uncontrolled, where the mind can easily pursue what it feels. Rarely is it truly empty.

Enough for now. Maintain, my friends. You'll do as well as you think you can, think and feel smart, you'll be smart.

Hello,
Speaker beats per minute

I'm legal. Hahahahahahaha...

2009-11-09T00:12:00.002+08:00

Thanks everyone for all the love, right back atcha a million times!

Everything from this point has nothing to do with my birthday, rather I didn't get to write about it earlier. Then now got chan so must take the chan ah.

To all my good friends, I wanna make sure you know that I fking love all of you.

But I still can't wait to get outta school muahahahahaha. Don't worry though we have technology and I'll alwas keep a special place in my heart for y'all. Awwwwwwww how sweet... And when I rule the world...! K nvm now's not the time.

To everyone, whatever you're doing, remember to always believe in yourself. There's this song by Zain Bikha, where he says Allah knows. Those two words really made me feel so much better, like an entire burden was lifted off my mind. Body and soul skali, fuyyoh. Always have faith in Him, yakin is the word. If you're not a Muslim, all the same. God is always there for us, always remember that. Whatever happens happens, and as long as you tried your best, you have nothing to be ashamed, sad or worried about.

All the best my friends, stay strong.

Hello,
Sleep marathon approaching

Cool shit

2009-11-07T01:51:00.002+08:00

Whoahohoho I'm having a ball of a time here messing around with this phone. But dayumn I really really must sleep now. A levels, excite!

See y'all on the flipside.

Hello,
The bedckoning

holy

2009-11-06T02:07:00.001+08:00

shit

The Metal Age

2009-11-04T00:18:00.003+08:00

That's the name of Theif II, a game I've heard a lot about. Its old, but there's this thing about old games I really really REALLY REALLY like. I get so excited thinking about them, its like I can finally half be in a world I really wanna be in. Where everything's beautiful, things happen a certain way, where light falls off walls in some fashion. There's something about a lotta things that I'd like.

But AAAAANYWAY I just came from Mary's (Mary quite contrary) and hahahahah I think you should read it, the first paragraph is the bombz (sialah what's happening to my english). And if you're reading this, I'm totally with you on the Jangan Pandang Belakang thing... I just never gave it such an accurate name. Go in, do, get out, move on, next paper, repeat. I'm damn excited for A levels.

And thank you Internet for not fking up, even though you fked up a lot before not fking up. fk you internet. See I'm a good boy I don't speel bad werds.

I wanted to write about something! GAH! HATE THIS FEELING! LOVE IT AT THE SAME TIME! CONFUSION! NOISE! CHAOS!

...dramatic silence...

ORDER IS RESTORED...OR IS IT?!

Wasn't that just so emotional, moving and epic. Like all those step artistic people. Coming up with all sorts of bullshit they label as art. Bullashit.

Alahh I still can't remember what I wanted to write about, hisap ah aku dah nak tido ni take care study smart enjoy life SOLAT

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAH nice.

Hello,
Ladies and genteel men may I introduce you too

Child-like not childish

2009-10-31T00:48:00.002+08:00

THE IMAM TODAY WAS DAMN POWER, POWER TTM TAKYAH HENSHIN PON BOLEH POWER OVER NINE THOUSANDDDDD.

AND his khutbah was damn power, it made a lot of sense and was super inspirational. I'd like to think that's what I've been thinking, in that I'm not just studying because I have to. I really wanna know everything I can know, and I'll try my best. I'm not so concerned with the fact that I'm sitting for an examination, I'm more worried that I can't understand things fast enough or think in a certain way or solve problems with speed. That's what I'm interested in. I guess the A's are fairly important, but there's so much more to live for that I won't kill myself over this one examination. Course I will try, try hard, but the more I think about it the more afraid and stressed I get. I don't like that... so maybe I'll stop thinking so much.

Whatever it is, I hope you're coming along well with your preparations, if you're a J2. Or whoever you are, whatever you're doing, I hope you're doing fine. You can do whatever you want if you put your mind to it, and believe in yourself and God-willing, you will reach your goals.

I can't wait for after A's cos I'll finally be able to spend all day everyday with my brothers, we've got an exciting project that they've cleverly called... haha... Gaybros. Hahahahahahhahahahahahhahaha there's a nice ring to it but that's as far as it goes. Think about the name and it all goes downhill. We wanna sing together and record it and whatever. There are SO MANY merepek things we can do that we haven't, I can't wait. The two of you might me the most IRRITATING and CHILDISH and ANNOYING and IMMATURE and IRRITATING and WHATEVER ELSE YOU HAVE people in the world, but I still love you very much with all my hearts. I have five.

And that's not just because your birthdays are approaching muahahaha.

Second-last thing I wanna talk about, because I don't wanna end on a sad note. It still saddens me deeply when I watch or hear about the shit they did to Michael Jackson. He was such a magnificent person, it really, really pains me that he's gone. Its something not so easy to accept, I don't know why. Its even more unbelievable that people can be so cruel. It makes me so afraid and so angry that so many people can get away with so much wrongdoing, but that's not all, they have to bring down the good, too. We need to change this world, and we'll do it. I'll do whatever I can, mark my words. Provided I'm not too tired... because, you see, I was contemplating a quiet life all by myself in the woods or something, no world leader schmagic. We'll leave all this worrying to me then.

Hahahahhaha.

So the last thing I wanna talk about! I forgot to include this earlier. The other day, after school (read: ten plus plus pm), I was hungry and needed protein. NO NOT FOR MUSCLES its just nice. Protein tastes kinda... fruity. Well anyway I decided to fry an egg. Time three. Three eggs in short. Aheheheh long time since I did some cooking. Well anyway it started out well. Shortly into the beginning of the cooking processing, Mak came to the kitchen 'Eh there's marinated chicken in the fridge, do you want it?'

SET AH! WHY NOT! WHY EVEN CONSIDER NO! CHICKEN! WOOHOO!

So my mom pan fried the chicken... get this... beside me! Ok maybe that was quite unclimax. But anyway. Damn cool sia, mother and son cooking side by side, talking about things. The only thing was, uh... I lost some of my skeels. I used to be able to make flawless egg dishes. But that day, uh, not enough butter, so uh, a bit dry, then uh, a little LITTLE SMALL bit went hangus. Burnt. STILL NICE THOUGH I ate it all up. Dah, that's all, that was the small bit that nyehhed the whole wowness of the incident. But I'm glad to say I had a wonderful dinner and speaking of dinner its time to sleep I gotta reset my body clock good night sleep tight don't let the werewulf bite get smart stay shark keep safe save money keep pets check the time visit the toilet often to avoid wetting yourself.

Hello,
I've come to collect your soup

Don't suede it, man

2009-10-29T23:47:00.003+08:00

Mama gave me this bracelet, I think its daaaaamn cool and it makes me feel cooler hahaha. Now my goal is to workout my forearms till the bracelet fits tightly, just so I have a target to work towards. Eh but but but k nevermind I'll discuss this in my mind later. For now I'll just keep talking to it, cos this bracelet, it speaks.

And I also thought. Realized? Maybe, still thought.

God gave us family and friends so we'll be happy. And second families too hahahhahahaha I really like the idea of our 'family' thing lolololol. But maybe we should agree that its Syafiq's house we're living in, kalau tak nanti dier merajuk ke per, kan Syafiq?

But more importantly, did I ever say how happy a person I am. Yeah I did. Ok so no need to say again hah. And I was laughing at the 'you got new friends but I got homies line'. Elaboration unnecessary.

K ah that's it try to study eat some more now Fauzan wants to use the computer, maybe to watch MORE MICHAEL JACKSON VIDEOS FAUZAN I KNOW YOU'RE READING MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA k bye

Hello,
They grow in the dark

Moar coar

2009-10-26T02:24:00.002+08:00

I think, my world would be just fine if there were no people and mirrors to look at me. No one to tell me what they want me to hear, nor unwittingly reveal what they think. I thought about it again and again, and I realize I may not be able to prove anything to anyone regarding my skeelz as a parent, cos I would really want to live by myself.

But that can get really scary especially with all the ghosts and stuff but I'll work something out later.

I'm a very happy person feeling very sad now, and nothing in the world can cheer me up (I think? But I'm not as sad as ten minutes ago, so... how ah) because the worst part is what I'm sad about is true, very true, undeniably unfalse and unlyishly notfake. I like my words they keep me company on lonely nights when everyone's asleep and I'm supposed to try to get some work done hahahahha I amuse myself.

So now I've decided that at any point in time I'm going to do whatever it is that I want, and it must be good, because I can't afford to live my life for anyone else. A lot of people should know by now that I really can't can't can't give two shits about A's, because if I could have everything my way, I wouldn't be here. Its possible, don't tell me its not, I don't have to live your life because that's all you've done so far. AND the best part is I DON'T have to prove anything to anyone.

BUT I've also decided that this is one of the last chances I have to prove to my parents that I'm not such a, uhh, dumbass. I've said before I want them to have solid evidence that I'm a GOOBOI! or a smart person whatever, SOOOOOOO
I gotta try and get my straight A's. I'm gonna study as hard as I can without killing myself, without compromising life and remaining sane. I've decided its not worth ANYTHING to DIE for one exam. I'm not everyone else remember.

SOOOOOOO

My strategy is work hard, pray hard, go in, do the paper, get out, continue with life, repeat till end of As. Then I'll go on to do great things (InsyaAllah) though I must say I'm thinking twice about ruling the world. For now, my minimum goal is to give my family a comfortable life, I want my parents to be able to retire as early as they like and live off my income, and I want my brothers to have whatever money they need to do whatever they want to because they're brilliant people and I'd be more than happy to sacrifice my chakra to propel them to greater heights. You know if you look at Newton's Laws... k forget it.

I was told to do something so people won't laugh at me in the future. Haha. Hahahahhahahaha. I mean come ON, really? If I do, then I shouldn't stop there, now, should I. There's so much to laugh about, why even start. So I try to get back to my 'I don't give a shit' mode where everything's cool.

But I cannot stop thinking about everything going on around me, and it seems this world is becoming more of a living hell. Its sad, the things going on around us, but you must be happy. Becauuuseeeee there are forces greater than we can imagine that help the good, and every good deed goes a long way. Keep doing what's right and standing up for justice, we will make a difference, fo' sho'.

It's late, I should sleep, yall take care and do yourselves proud.

Hello,
Bye

ForG10

2009-10-21T00:09:00.002+08:00

SHEEEET I forgot that the previous previous post was number 300, I was supposed to have a Leonidas based post or something. Nevermind there's always 600 (=300x2) (hahaha wth is =3) (oh looks like a cat face) or some shit like that.

I was just about to happily start this post when BAM! Blogger loaded in Mother Huge size. All the font's krazy big and stuff. Nevermind x2. Then I was about to sign in, when an eggshell fell in between the keys of the keyboard. Panic! For a bit! Nasib bukan disco! Lame! Nevermind! MOVING ON! I frantically shook the keyboard, used the heimlich manoeuvre and after some implicit integration the small fragment of an egg dropped out uneventfully. Tu lah, Mak dah cakap jangan makan kat meja personalcomputer, tanak dengar tu... Nevermind x3, the important thing is that you know HOW the egg came about. Hmm, egg. What is this egg that he speaks about?

Well he will tell you.

After he gets out of third person.

Well you see I need my protein CHEYYYYY and because I don't drink protein shakes (like some people who ah who ah I also dunno) I need to resort for a holiday. Then you know, I was faced with the age old dilemma of whether to fry, risk cracking then microwaving it, or boiling or whatever. When my mom took out this old contraption designed solely for the purpose of cooking eggs. You pierce the flat part of the egg with the under of the measuring cup (its damn sharp I didn't notice it while rinsing everything. I can do housework.), then place the egg on the, uh, egg tray.

This part caused me some confusion which I shared with Mak. How do I orientate said egg? The picture on the kotak (box) (funny ah, after ALL that malay up there I offer to translate one bloody word) showed all the white eggs sharp side up. Maybe they photoshopped it...

Anyway I put the hole (very small small hole) side up. Then you fill the cup with as much water as you need depending on egg population and desired consistency. Pour everything in the hot tub and swishh horn. Wait, then after some time it'll start chirphing or shit, eggs done.

This is when Hell threatened to break loose. I wanted to turn off the thing, but because the spring behind the button is extra hard, I had to support the machine to prevent it slipping off. Touchy touchy the body, ooh hot, don't hold there, so HAPPILY STUCK MY FINGER in the hole at the top of the plastic casing. Hole? For what? TO LET ALL THE GODDAMN STEAM OUT. MAK, PANDAI SAK. Thankfully the hole was small, so I only ouched a little bit.

Once bitten twice shy. Twiceth bitten when I took off the case and all the steam was everywhere and WHOA not bad quite hot. GAAAH! Put down the cover and stood well back. A very hot scene inDeEd. Thankfully Fauzan was there to make sure I didn't do anything stupid.
"Keka why don't you use a fork and spoon or something to carry the eggs out. Don't action pandai use your hands or something."
I couldn't say anything, so I thanked him hahahah.

And now, when I'm peeling my egg, I realize how much I took so many things for granted. At all those majlis perkahwinanses, I took their berkats for granteds. All those eggs, all that protein, wow time flies... And now when aku dah besar panjang, or tua nak mampos according to Zul, and I have to boil my own eggs, I realize how much I should have appreciated all the newly weds. Then I also realized that once upon a Mat or Pak Cik must have had the bright idea of giving eggs as berkat just so he could have an excuse for someone to boil a million eggs. Then its protein party, guests are happy, and all's well liang teh. But history got messed up and so you have the crap stories of today.

That's it, I'm done here, I haven't even feenish pilling the foist egg, I got a long night ahead of me. Its still damn hot sak. AND I HAVE TO READ GEOG, that's my life principle until A levels. How Fawaz, will you do it? DO YOU HAVE THE DITHIPLIN, THAMINA AND CONTHENTHRATHEN. Well... I guess we'll find out on the next episode of

Hello,
Tell me why the scent lingered why why

Earpeace

2009-10-17T00:34:00.003+08:00

Smekommm... kita nak blog siket niari pasal ader banyak nak bilang awak-awak. I also nak write down some thoughts, you nak baca pon boleh, tak nak takper, pasal this is like a log, you paham? If annoying siket then I'm sowwy :p

Eh WHAT ah enough of that shit, I started to sound like a girl towards the end. First part still boleh maintain mannism uh, so I can keep talking like that as long as I have enough energy to make sure I keep to the awak-kita/I-you systems.

First of all I'd like to say how frackin' shiok it is to, how do I put this, exfoliate your face. Its nothing fancy, just HIMALAYA DUNNO WHAT BLAH BLAH BLAH SOMETHING dunno what. Jap I find a picture for you non-linguistic people...

It feels like every square piconanomicromillicentideci meter of your face is awakened, all ze bladd is rrasshing to your veins, zat is kold ze pamp. But really, I can feel blood in my face, like really feel the blood, uh, flowing. Makes me feel damn awake and fresh and smart. Which is deeply ironic because I'm getting unhelpably sleepy, at an alarming rate. Another way to wowwify your face is to keep making weird faces, scrunch it up and stretch your face, move every muscle. Its really good, I'm not joking about this, Jack LaLanne calls it facial exercise. Very important. Because I like your face.

Then I also realized that Singapore is fking powerful. We've got three races, INDIANN!!!! Malay and Chinese, and we are daaaamn bloody powerful cos of each other. I will now elaborate, uncensored sugarfree, original and the freshest you can get it anywhere. Nothing to peel some more. See ah, the Malays are damn good at making things look high class, like its so grand liddat. The Hari Raya dunno what lebaran thing for example. You see everyone well dressed. I think a good fraction of the audience was damn uncomfortable, in their tight kebayas and whatnot, strutting around like they left something up their... hair, making it hard to balance. You know, like hairbrush or stray hairpin, that could poke your scalp and cause semi-disabling pain.

So they know how to make things look grand, got quite goot taste, although content may be zero or damn HUH?!-able. The Indians on the other hand are quite bo chap, like srzly tak tau macam maner nak up-kan style. BUT their content is like damn good, damn mother power, fuyyoh shiok sampai audience takleh angkat joget-joget fail tapi takper, paiseh pon orang tak nampak, gelap per. But seriously, that was how it was like on TV just awhile ago, Deepavali selebreshen. Although MOST MOST MOST of the crowd was well behaved.

Then you have the Chinese, who are REALLY good at the nitty gritties, the perfectionizing things. They finetune everything to the max its just damn amazing. I can't think of any examples now but its definitely a baseful claim. SO the magic is you put all three together, we combine our strengths, correct our flaws, and... can put up one good performance.

No seriously, that's all we can do. Just perform. Nothing else. No defence, no school, nothing, cos its not that racially related in my opinion. Therefore I suggest we quit being a conformist nation and turn into one huge show. Gerek beb. Hello ministers, please consider my suggestion, it'd be damn fun and you can dress up more coolly too.

Something I saw on TV made me recall the 'If you've got it then flaunt it' thing. But if uh, you got nothing... wth you wanna flaunt ah sia. People can die you know, YOU KNOW OR NOT.

But I'd like to end of this post with advice, cos I'm damn old, damn pro, everything, blah blah blah. Oh and I'm gonna rule the world one day so I'd like everyone to be happy, might as well start now.

Go out and do whatever the hell you want to do with your life, because you CAN. You just gotta totally believe in yourself, zero doubts. That, I think, may be quite hard, and so makes a lot of people hold back. Quit school! Start a business! Whatever it is you just gotta set your sights and work your ass off. If you're faced with a huge problem its only cos you're a great person. Or you're really damn suay ah but still, God only gives you what you can handle.

And I'd like to share once more my interesting ideal life view. Imagine we've all got hooks, like fishing rods. If you care for someone it means you are hooked to that person (lol the pun, whatever). Thing is, with so many caring people, one poor person will be pulled and stretched in so many ways. Ways he might not like, or want to go. So, everybody duduk diam diam. Don't be so extra, just do for yourself first, go solo, mano a no mano, each man for himself, BUT, BUT BUT BUT ALWAYS ALWAYS be quick to help someone. Like that you save people before they fall, and don't cause a hell of a mess.

No offence ah, but I think its damn irritating when girls fuss over every. Thing. One person wants to go to the toilet. So everyone must be asked if they want their bottles refilled, wanna come with me? Where's X? Oh she went first? Anyone wants food along the way, I'm passing by the shop.

Damn leceh fying and you don't get much done. Don't get me wrong, I really really really appreciate it that you think so much about others, and I'd do the same for you in a heartbeat, but really, there's a limit to all this cushy mushy caring sharing thing. Which is why I think an organization of all or mostly women, is highly highly effficient, but daaaaaaamn stress to the MAKSIMOOOOOOMz. Guy groups on the other hand will probably be damn slow and slack, but relek beb, we're all having a good time. Then we all happy happy then everyone happy happy kan good.

Ok SHIT ITS ONE AM I didn't think it'd take long )@#(*$)*#%)# )(@#*^_#@)%*&(*$&%( there goes my early sleep k bye

Hello,
I please and thank you

Those sneakeys...

2009-10-14T00:55:00.002+08:00

Its all very coincidental. We talked about scary things in school. While I was brushing my teeth just now, I heard someone approaching from outside. I always guess who the person is, from the sound and movement patterns. The toilet door was open, so I looked through the mirror to see when the person approached. It then seemed like an invisible person passed by, I could hear the soft sounds of movement, but saw nothing. Then there was the sound of a plastic bag being dragged or something on the floor, typical kitchen sound. And a thud, from the dustbin, another typical sound. I wasn't alarmed, thinking I somehow missed the person... cos you know right, I'm so big I block most of the mirror ok getting carried away, ANYWAY. I came out and there was no one. Looked outside at the hall and Fahim was sitting at this table, reading. Fauzan went to sleep awhile ago. Mak was watching the TV in her room, beside Bapak who was sleeping. Muma was asleep too.

Then again if someone really did enter the kitchen, I might have missed him... AND his journey out cos you know right I'm so big I block most of the mirror ok this has GOT. TO. STOP. Later.

And now, while thinking of a title for this post, I looked at the corner of this table, and saw a book... 'My Haunted House' by Angie Sage. Hahahahah its so dunno what its funny. But not this house, no, its just been an interesting night. But I dissect (yah yah I know its digress but doncha think dissect sounds so much kooler).

I've always wanted to say this: if you type differently from how you speak, then to me, you are a hypocrite. Or something, cos I really don't understand why people would do that. If I really really can't imagine you talking as I read something you sent, then something's wrong with you, cos my imagination's working fine. Oh look, the fairies are going honey-gathering!

In more important news, I read one of my friend's blogs, and she (first clue there) had many important things to say. It made me really think of how I'd been thinking aka metacognitionizationing, and force myself through what seems to be a hard shell I've, what, grown? I thought about what she said, and I'm really really thankful for all the things I have, especially ESPECIALLY my family. It almost seems the post was directed to me, but that just shows how guilty I felt. I still love my family, will always do. They'll irritate me to hell but I love it that way hahahha. What a wise person she is, that friend.

AND! Now I have a mega idea to share, a life-changing policymaking field-bending superposition. I'm gonna convince the whole WORLD why we should all pray and think of everyone else. I've done it before I think, but it came to me again. Divine intervention? HWOW! But let's not get carried away ok, Fawaz? Ok. Good. Thanks. You're welcome. You too. K carry on. Ok.

Everytime you pray, pray for your parents, family, teachers, friends, people who've done good to you, and everyone else. Then we assume everyone does this. Imagine then, every morning you wake up feeling better, look at yourself in the mirror and you look brighter, everything is more beautiful in your world. That's because many many manneh people have been praying for you. Shiok giler hot babe kan. Then our lives will just keep getting better and better. Because praying mantis.

I also invented a new word, econsultation. It means econs consultation, but the concise form of the word makes talking so much more easier, Wow, how did I survive without it before! Try it now! Each sold separlarjleakj lkaje lkanavnoisdnv lafjaokj la blhah.

Imma gonna sleep yall take care keep up the good nerd I mean work, don't care what happens just keep working and working and believing, you'll get what you deserve ok ciao long sentences like these are a sure sign of needsleep, otherwise known as siak ah its damn blardy late I need to go and slp rdy bye still haven't reset sleeping pattern must slep propler lare can't atppe serlwel can't be boehtehred to type proeprly tiemt o ego

Hello,
Do I satisfy your equation

Shit I need more protein

2009-10-10T21:32:00.004+08:00

Because its supposed to be 1 gram of protein for every pound of bodyweight. That's one hundred and fricking forty five grams, so you can calculate my body weight if you really have nothing better to do. Or if you're a perv or stalker or sick mind or whatever... just remember that what goes around comes around. And someday, someone will calculate YOUR bodyweight. But I digress. The problem is I realized how hard it is to get that much protein without stuffing myself to the brim and beyond. The idea of protein supplements is getting very very tempting, hello Syafiq, Zul and Muz. But the more I reason out with myself, the more I think I should just forget it and get to work. Homework, studying, that kinda work.

Last night, for some reason, I wasn't hungry for very long, yes thank you very much for all your concern hahaha. I was sssseriously hoping to get hungry by the time I reached home, so I can eat when its not too late/avoid waking up hungry in the middle of the night. But noooooo, the hunger switch remained in the off mode for most of the night. Until around 2 am.

So I went to get myself food, in the dead of night and everyone else asleep. Sat in front of the computer (which had been distracting me the whole night NOOOOOOOO), and decided that I might as well make the most of my time by watching a movie. Perfect plan ah, jenius. So I watched The Naked Gun just cos it was still in my computer, and ended up finishing the whole movie. So I slept at four.

Woke at 9, did some calculations, alamak only 5 hours, so i went back to sleep. Then woke again at one, planned to go to school. Told Hanif I just woke up, told myself to get out of bed and get to school, until some people at home said nasty things to me, so I went back to sleep. Sucks you know, to wake up to such comments.

ANYWAY James Bond once said 'die another day' so I guess that means back to work. Good luck with all your studies everyone, stay healthy and bright and dirty. That's the lyrics of the song, right? Ahh shit battery dying now I gotta find the damn charger WHYYY.

Hello,
You are jilty

Apple shepherds

2009-10-04T23:25:00.003+08:00

Unlike many of my good friends, I'm not gonna disrupt my blogging pattern. Life pattern, if I were to be more accurate. Its just a month left to As and personally I won't like a sudden change. I'm gonna try to keep gymming every week, cos EXERCISE IS IMPORTANT. I can't completely shut myself off from so many things cos it'll just kill me. Logically speaking, if life should be on hold till after As, so should death. Alright now stop. And wiggy wiggy.

I'm really scared, very very scared, about this coming week. Maybe just the first two days.

I used to enter the exam hall insufficiently prepared, and I really hate myself for doing that. The thing is, it was easier for me to accept bad results. Sometimes I expected poor marks and even felt happy when I managed a pathetic pass. That's what I reduced myself to, tsk. Moving on, we arrive at prelims.

I studied my ass of and I did so much work for this, I really tried, and I enjoyed myself doing it can you believe it. For once in a long while, I sat for a paper and knew what was going on. I could stare at questions and make sense out of them, not just grit my teeth and skip, hoping to accumulate enough marks to have a decent score. Decent never came by the way, and I'm not gonna hide that. Never tried to, never gonna.

So I'm really afraid now, because I tried. I'm so afraid that all that I did was not enough, and that I have too much left to do before the actual thing. Its bad enough that I get the impression, that a lot of my tutors think I'm stupid. Like, really dumb sorta hopeless case. The kind of student they'd cry in joy for when he just manages a PASS for his A LEVELS. I'd like to think I'm not, so I gotta work towards what I know I'm supposed to be.

I know for a fact I made some stupid mistakes in my papers. How on EARTH CAN THE NORMAL REACTION FORCE HAVE A ONE-ONE RATIO WHEN THE TWO SLOPES ARE INCLINED AT DIFFERENT ANGLES WTF WAS I NOT THINKING. I SWEAR I WANTED TO BEAT MYSELF TO A PULP WHEN I SAW MY ANSWER, but its too late for that. Nevermind.

So I'm telling myself this: whatever happens, happens. I've got some time left, and the support of many amazing people. I've never been alone in this struggle, and there's always help when I need it. So I'll just accept my results.

If I do well, Alhamdulillah. That will be more than enough motivation for me to work more assess off, grow some more, then work ~~harder~~ smarter still.

But if I don't.

Then I'll be sad, depending on how badly I did. Sad, really sad, I may even wanna cry, but as with everything else, it'll pass quickly. Then I'll work more asses off, grow some more, then work smarter still.

The rest of the journey will be, in short,

(1) Hard work
(2) Prayer
(3) Faith

Once I've done the first two, I'll leave it to Allah, for He knows best, and He will give me what is best, and what I deserve. Its my wallpaper, Straight As No Regrets, but its the latter that I'm more concerned with. Hard work has started and will not stop.

Remember I said how there are always people behind me? For what its worth, I'm always behind you my friends, and I'll be there if you need someone to kick you hard in the butt. Or anything else, we could work out a win-win plan, plus brokerage fees.

Back to work, I love work, I love work. Let's play a work game play a work game if you want work if you want-

Hello,
For Joint + Muscle Pain

120 for two, just two

2009-10-02T23:43:00.000+08:00

Alamakkk, sad lah sad lah. I was on my way home. Just got off the train, to be precise, when I saw this girl. Somehow my first impression was 'whoa', not cos she was some scantily clad low-life, she wasn't, but there was something about her. BUT as usual I behave like nothing happened, because I really was quite eager to find out what time Fahim wanted tuition. I was messaging my tutor, to fix an appointment for tomorrow.

So that girl was in front of me at the escalator, and when we exited at the try-to-scan-your-card-but-sometimes-fail-hahaha-you-look-stupid-oh-wait-it-worked-?-then-walk-through-a-sea-of-people-somehow-unable-to-find-a-better-area-to-walk-across, and she coincidentally took the same route out of the station. No surprise there, its a very limited space. But then, as we were leaving (technically speaking, cos she was a coupla metres ahead of me), this boy ran crying, short little boy. A few of us stared, thought he was running to someone. But he ran past us, stood and screamed more, then ran a bit and stopped. The girl kinda slowed down to look, but I wasn't really interested in her then.

My good boy instincts kicked in, as well as my wtf sense. No one was really doing anything to help the poor creature so I went up to him and crouched, cos he's really short, and tried to speak to him, IN CHINESE (LOL sempat rehearse mentally a few steps before I reached him. Xiao di, mama cai na li? Speeling fail? Entah.), over his wailing. He started saying mama mama mama and pointed all over the place. Somehow he caught the attention of a few ladies, and one by one they came to the scene and attempted asking him the same question. Interesting observation: each of them phrased it differently, like style or something, but completely unintentional. I supposed they were mothers, cus they had the, uh, motherly look. Seeing as to how this Indian boy was 'overshadowed' cast aside and ignored, I got up instead to look around the small MRT station. To see if there was a woman frantically searching for a lost something. Nope. Made a round and when I returned, child and crowd were gone. Oh yah, so was the girl DAYUMN.

I didn't really care what happened to him; maybe kidnapped, or dumped in a drain somewhere to shut him up, or maybe his mama was found. Who knows, I didn't, still don't, and don't intend on finding out. Waste of time. Anyway I learnt later from my mother that the way to tackle these little sonsofstitches is to say straightfaced: If you want your mummy stop crying. Macam attempted robbery gitu, eh. Then again I'm thoroughly convinced my mom can rob a bank and when the police get statements from the staff they'll be like 'But she asked nicely!' or 'I'm still convinced that was the most logical thing to do, what's wrong?'. Ok not to put Mak in such a bad light, its just that she's good at talking, and psycho-ing people. I hope I inherited enough heheh.

So anyway I was kinda mad that there just had to be a bloody wailing kid to separate me from that girl. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't planning on stalking her or anything, I just uh wanted to know, um, if she took the same path to somewhere nearby. No, really, I've not seen her around. Every other common nonspecial face I can almost recognize on any given day, she stood out. And there was something about her nonetheless, I might have gone up to say hi, who knows.

Well anyway (at first I typed so anyway, then I lookt up at the previous paragraph) I continued on home, feeling kinda sad, cos she was nowhere around. I walked through (boring old) Sun Plaza cos I wanted to get a litre of NutriSoy Fresh Soya Bean Milk with dunno how many grams of protein. Of the whole carton, I planned to consume half on my journey home. I'm a growing boy and I need my protein if I wanna grow right.

JENG JENG JENGGG!!!

As I turned out to walk towards 7-11 (yeah Ken Lim your ads are mother dumb, and you wore too much lipstick. Stick one up, will ya, sicka ya trash if ya know what I'm sayin'. And I think Kanye West won't even 'letcha finish' if he could crash your trash talk time), I SAW HER! (At this point I'm realizing how strange it must be for sharing all this here on my blog. Oh well I don't think too much about unnecessary things, so I'll keep sharing. Take what you may, dear reader!).

She was at the slope that people walk down to get to the pavement. That is the pavement I take if I drop by 7-11. And you know what? Genius in me somehow said ok quick one we'll (we?!) get the soymilk and catch up to her. I'm not being super perasaan or something but as she was walking off she turned around twice, and she might have seen me. Oh that Indian boy who step can talk to kids. Psssht, since when do guys talk to kids? Hah even if they do, why was the boy yelling away in two languages anyway.

Genius, right. So I swung into 7-11 and went straight for the fridge at the back. I was honestly damn happy cos yesterday, I saw this step cool guy take the second last carton right in front of my face, and I found the last hidden somewhere. This time I took the last one. I pumped my fist or something in celebration, and was all yessss when I looked out the glass and saw this fat chick sitting outside staring at me all sullen eyed. I flashed her a bright smile, pointed to the carton, then gave a thumbs up. Still smiling. But the dumb look didn't wash off her face, like someone just died, but not so bad as that. Oh shit maybe something like that did happen. Anyway the heck with her, I went to pay. And. There were three people in front of me. Great.

So by the time I get out of 7-11 she's gone fo sho, and the whole walk home I'm feeling kinda sad, cos I didn't even get to analyze her face. I do that to everyone ya know, get in all the features, then those features will remind me of other people I know. In short I do a lot of shit in my mind; which reminds me. Everyone reminds me of someone else. Do people in general really have such a limited set of features? Oh well I won't waste my time on that.

Point is I was sad, and she sure as hell wasn't anywhere around cos I took my usual route back, where its just the pavement flanked by the quiet road, a quieter field, and houses on the left. You could spot anyone in a matter of seconds, and the walk was more than a few minutes long. Sad.

Well I don't wanna piss and moan cos that goes against everything I believe in. Besides, the first time she saw me I might have just been another passing clown, in her eyes. So we'll leave it at that. Man is this sounding so much like that creep James Blunt's song, You're beautiful.

Maybe I should write a song, then?

The ironic part is that Black Eyed Peas song about a good day and the fella's feeling of how it was gonna be a good night blah blah blah, was stuck in my head the whole day. I even went so far as to half sing half hum the song in the train. Morning songs usually follow me the whole day, and Fahim was singing it while getting ready for school in the morning. In the car the radio blasted the usual shit songs of today, pop artists running dry on ideas and trying frantically to cook up a nice tune. Leave it.

I just finished Raymond Chandler's The Big Sleep, and I realize I'm a lot like that private investigator Philip Marlowe. Maybe not as cool and smooth as him, but like me, he enjoys going it alone. Lives alone, in a house I can imagine myself occupying, and does everything solo. Maybe I should be a shamus too, but what would anyone want that for in green Singapore. Then again, it may take time before mine eyes are peeped through the thick shrubberies (NIH!) to see the car wreck hidden behind. Yeah shrubberies cos we're still a young nation. Still, all this talk I'll save for later.

I'm quite pleased that I started getting sore awhile after gym, so I guess its time to hit the sack. Sleep like a baby, grow like one. When everything on my playlist is shit, Avenged Sevenfold and a few other metal bands come to the rescue. The Bangles ain't doing shit for me I tell ya, why the hell are they even here. You there stranger, stay safe, and other than that do whatever the hell you want. I don't care, really. And there are too many interesting possibilities for you to just sit around like some old folk carefully walking back and forth down the same worn path in your once snug carpet of a life. Go out and try things, have fun, get into an accident! Laugh!

If you need ideas, you know how to reach me. I almost forgot. I know how irritating this is going to be, and Arif was so against it. Which is precisely why I wanna CONGRATULATE HIM, FIREWORKS, PARADE AND PROCESSION, THE WORKS! For what I won't say, sekali korang salah faham ke, someone tersinggung ke, aku malas nak type ke, apentah. And down below, just over there, I wanted to write 'ayam' but its so uncool. So its 'Iym', just the way you're gonna see it now.

Hello,
Can you keep a sikrit, Iym speshul

Kapok tree?

2009-10-01T00:09:00.004+08:00

Eh this was supposed to be done earlier tapi time slipped, so pretend its still wednesday,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FADS! So its agreed then, I'll only lie to you if there's a damn good reason.

And I still don't get why all the girls insisted that metal's not good blah blah blah. I just listened to a few songs, still listening, and I'm totally at peace with the world. The screaming and all explore the range of human vocal abilities, with every strained note carrying much more note than the usual over-vibrato. The undertones of the distorted electric guitar tell a tale that complement the lyrics, if you listen hard enough, and if you know who to listen to. Because, there are lotsa crap metal bands out there. Yes.

The other thing I like about these songs is they don't just keep talking about love sex and whatyoumayhave, that's plaguing almost every other genre. How bout magic, a crusade, or an abstract event. Why not allow for more diversity in your lyrics huh.

To really appreciate metal, you must listen close and feel the music, and be at peace with yourself. You cannot accept the music if you haven't controlled yourself. Because, face it, this kinda music forces your brain to do all sorts of weird things, things that crooners and rappers and whatever can't really do. They can do many other things, yes, but this is on a whole new plane.

Now I'm not sure if I was making sense cos I just realized that while typing everything, I was paying much more attention to my eyes. They feel kinda dry and I'm blinking a lot. And I'm also thinking of the damn pain in my back cos its really quite interesting. Oh and bad posture, and why the hell do I get numb so fast. I just gotta place my ankle over my knee and give it two minutes, ants everywhere.

I think the best course of action now is tah sleep, tomorrow I gotta nerd it up again. Yeah RIGHT. I'm too cool to be nerd cheyyyyy. Which reminds me. If someone can fight so no one else can fight, then can I be scared so no one else has to be?

HOWEVER!

That assumes that fighting and scaring are mutually exclusive/independent events. I can't make up my mind and I can't understand why I brought that in. K whatever I'll leave you with this advice:

Hello,
Blue rubber tube for my insides

Clean properly tau

2009-09-29T22:41:00.003+08:00

AMACAM POINT FIVE INCHES DOWN, baik ah. Baik pala HOTAK KAU. Perr jerr Fawaz. Although it was all made up for when I tried to do pull ups and felt my whole frickin' arm getting pulled too far from my body then WHOA, I just had to let go. Sometimes you gotta let go, son. Its alright.

Eh but more importantly I think you should all know the truth, that I'm Kamen Rider Faiz. 555 is my transform code, and I have five exceed charge capabilities. I'm damn pro. Note to self: hangar is a tag for ANGRY.

Other than that, Fauzan you're damn annoying, yeah read this, go on, can't do nuttin' bout it lalalalalallala. K tak nampak... walking behind me... looking at his books. Oh stopped making fun of me already.

Keka what does lamunan mean?
Lamunan? I think it means thoughts.
Yeah k correct.

Alright I'll take back what I said. Eh he called me keka ok, think about it ah, no wait, when I think about it, I feel so touched he calls me keka even when I'm such an ass. There's that respek there. Respek ah bro. But however touched I feel, I swear I'll freak out if there's physical contact somehow, when you're too far to reach me. Then we'll all know there are mysterious forces out there waaaaaaiting to touch me. See no touch, touch no see, see and touch pay money.

Eh bye ah boring to blog now, I think I wanna sleep again, then sleep some more. I can't get enough of it now! From nocturnalism I'm now in a phase of... uh... sleepizm, yeah man Arif it feels loike shoite but I love it. Stayyy coooooooolllll hang loose. And get smart, bye.

Hello,
Aroma reeds, a room of leads

Sunday Sleepy Sunday

2009-09-27T21:42:00.005+08:00

I'm still trying to decide if MD was a waste of time today, but as usual I think I'll lose interest before I know it. Thing is, I wanted to go out afterwards. Bros' exams comin' so I can't go playin the PS or on the com, Fauzan had tuition so even more no com, and its quite damn boring like this at home.

Just around fourish I was standing around trying to plan my day, when all of a sudden I fell in love with this mattress that was folded and neatly tucked away in a corner of my study room. That was the spare mattress that was once upon a time used a lot because - brace yourself - either one of the three brothers didn't wanna bathe but didn't wanna 'dirty' his bed. Not that we're dirty, cos we know when we can afford not to bathe. Its also a lotta fun to sleep in the hall. And once upon a time, I was in love with the hall too.

I pulled out the mattress (effortlessly cos my muscles have since grown ten times bigger hahahhah sempat seyyy k I take that back, liars go to hell), lay it on the study room, and promptly slept in my jeans. Not bad, quite comfortable I must say. I ended up waking at 6:40, and the rest of the day was quite uneventful. I wanted to sleep after Maghrib, but I was too tired. Hah seriously, and I didn't wanna waste my wudhuk.

And now I'm wondering why I'm telling whoever you are, all about my sleeping patterns. And why you're even still reading hahahah you amuse me, I like you! Carmen likey. That was from Raymond Chandler's The Big Sleep. Though if you must imagine me saying that, I deeply regret your situation.

Somehow I find this picture strangely mezzmerizing:

Other than that I think I should just reveal (makes it sound so much more impressive hah) the last part of my poem of sorts. Its been jumping around in my bag and has creeped everyone out at home. Tulah, experimental magic has its price.

3/3

Now their bodily remains were found by some chance,

By a fellow, oh how unlucky!

But then he would know the dangers that mask,

Behind all that is nice and shiny

He retched and he cried at the sight of the mess,

Of pink and of white, red and insides,

Laid about bones and some skin,

Eyeballs all burnt from within

Quickly he ran to the town crier's house,

Where the holy man was also close by

He told of his finding, so hard he was crying,

"Someone tear the putrid sight from mine eyes!"

"Come now young man, you shall have a bath

In holy water as I say a prayer.

Remember, however, God has you preserved

For He has ensured you will remember

"Remember that He is the only Light,

And we only turn to Him.

Remember that no good can come from another,

For He is the One True Creator"

"Yes I'll remember, I won't ever forget,

That He is the only Creator

God bless, how I recall what I would have done,

Just a day prior to this!

"I am a poor man, there is much that I want,

Yet nothing has come from my prayers.

I was so desperate, so very intent,

On turning to the Damned one for pittance!

"Oh thank you my Lord, for bringing me back,

And showing me the harsh consequences.

I nearly forgot, and nearly stept off,

To the path of no deliverance."

The man had his bath, then a hot meal (he ate quick),

Then the three of them set off from there.

The town crier did, what only he could do,

And soon the whole town was aquiver.

The tale had been told, the word had been spread,

What a fair warning to the people, too.

All day and all night, the town was abuzz,

With the face of the wretched crew.

On the next day, just before dawn,

A group marched on to the house

(That wretched house)

With torches and oil and holy books

(As they marched to the wretched old house)

They were solemn and walked in silence,

Each praying in his heart

(For who knows what lurked in that wretched house?)

For protection, for forgiveness

(As well as for the wretched ones)

As they silently trudged out of town.

They finally came to it and wasted no time,

Oiling the path to be burned,

CHanting their prayers in unison,

Lighting the torches and casting the flame,

To send back to Hell what stubbornly came,

To clean up the land and to make it safe,

Ridding the evil and bringing in pureness,

And clearing the mess deep within,

The mess of once people now abominations,

No one could set eyes on those villains,

And the Earth would not take their remains.

The task was complete,

They made their retreat,

And walked back in the glow of the sun.

FINALLY I'm done typing this mak-panjang-nyer step-poem. Oh and I chose town crier cos that was the first thing that came to me. As though he's damn influential. Fat, cherubic, fat, fat, loud and a nice person, can you imagine the town crier. Compared to the holy man who makes you feel so incompetent (assuming the unlucky young man is not a good person). Oh wait maybe he wasn't

but but but

but

who cares if the clock goes twice round in the wrong direction, as long as I have my rest.

All I'm trying to say is I never did walk the path, it laid itself beneath me and now I'm following, as it follows me, without knowing, yes again and again? Do you really want to? Wait I've got to ask myself first.

Well who needs sugarpills when we've got sleep vacations and crescent moons to light the dinner table. There's chairs for everyone so find a new table, we need the company. Have you been searching long? Then look in the books, you might find something you left there awhile ago.

Isn't it obvious that the demons of our past have just one task left, and that the two months of idle are too fast approaching. Where will you run when the doors open huh huh huh. Doesn't really matter to me cos I take it walking anyway, let it skim, let it pass, too much to not care about so you can care about everything else.

You know what, I think I'm gonna sleep again. There's nothing for me to do and I'm gonna get back to studying soon anyway. I hope everyone's break has been many times better than mine, for the simple reason that I like people to be happy. That makes me happy.

But I'm more restless and angry that unhappy, though that all leads to happiness. Not a long run thing, rather instantaneous. Its all mapped the same way you see. But where does this all lead to you ask? Then look no further, she has one answer.

It may be strange, but I'm so looking forward to going back to school. With the A levels looming there, I need something to keep my system organized systematically emphatically nonchalantly, while brusquely vivifying the echelons of continuity. I can't stand this feeling of asymptotic freedom, like I can do half of whatever I want when I really can't, because there's a lot waiting to be done. And left by myself, I've got nothing to pull me away from the things I don't want to be around. I can't really speak for myself yet maybe, like I'm unable to do what's right for me. They all snicker at me, question me and set their expectations. They have nightmares but I'm living in one (this line's not true, I just came up with it and found it pretty cool).

Have you heard the laughter? Even their mockeries are insincere. LOOK the next time you're walking down the street, you'll see all that we have to fight. But I've got new weapons and I love to share, so are you on my side or not. Either way, we'll all get rid of them bit by bit, there won't be anywhere to hide once the walls are flattened.

See, they're still laughing at me, and sometimes they let it slip in front of me. I spelt stake instead of steak because I was still thinking of vampires. Amma go back and change it cos over here you can. I hope you're still not reading cos I'm trigger happy and the keyboard's my gun. I'm just sitting back letting my thoughts fly and fingers tap dance, no head no tail. Letters coming together to form words, words to form sentences, them for paragraphs, yet everything is disjointed.

Funny, eh? Small scale logic and sense that translates to a whole lot of confusion and pain in your brain. Where did the links go wrong and who has the chains.

I think I should stop this, it may be getting unhealthy. But for who I can only wonder. I hope this is not a negative externality cos this really isn't the time for a cost benefit analysis and I don't want any intervention over here. SO get the hell off my blog and instead keep safe, stay sharp, get smarter, look at the sky and don't look back.

Hello,

You make a better me so why not, go ahead

15 questions

2009-09-27T01:40:00.004+08:00

As usual, I woke up for sahur in a complete daze. My mom was desperately trying to get my to heave my ass off my bed and I was like huh? What 5r? And all the bloody gravitation equations forced themselves into my head. Then for some reason OH! I understood what the hell was going on. So I sat up. And sat for a little while cos its such an ass to wake up when you can be sleeping. But then Muma said she'd heated up the meat. The meat. MEAT. A whole bloody steak was waiting for me, how not to wake up liddat.

Right before I slept at 6, I set my alarm to 10. Did all my calculators and that would give me enough sleep to HENSHIN from gym ha kho.

10 am came and I woke at the instant my alarm sounded. Ahh heck wth is there to do anyway, so I slept again. Kept waking up, everytime getting updated about how my family's day progressed while I lay on my bed. Diorang sempat kluar sumer lol I was quite amused.

In other news, yesterday was MB Reanimated ttm, shoulda taken many photos of the great occasion. Nehmind there are always more sessions blah blah blah.

You know why David Cook wrote a song about Light On. He was in a toilet where they OMG WTH DID I JUST PRESS now everything's twice as huge in my browser. K nevermind blessing for my eyes. As I was saying, that toilet has all the funkay energy saving sensor thingamajigs. So obviously he's taking a shit, and a huge one at that, so he experiences many moments where the lights turn off. Therefore he has a hard time keeping the light on. He's so emotionally affected that he writes a song, and attaches human qualities to the toilet light.

1 mouse many mice 1 mouth many mithe. And now see if you recognize these:
So you had a back day (another gym ha kho connotation)
And I need you today oh candy. Optionally spelt Candy. Or Canday, depends on your fancy.

Oh and I woke at 2:30 in the end, but didn't really wanna, just felt I gotta. Totally no reason to wake up when you've got nothing to look forward to, I've gotta start planning exciting things or lying to myself or something. Oh wait! Today was an exception, it came unexpectedly quickly. Ok can that means the rest of my break is settled.

Keep safe blah blah blah blah DRINK LOTSA WATER

Hello,
Take a look at my super cool deceivingly luminous waistband

Your full-fledged fear

2009-09-24T19:26:00.003+08:00

Amacam korang, nerd enough so far? Exams finishing, time to do whatever you think you're gonna do but not do in the end HAH. K ah on a more posimistic/possumistic (my word) note, remember you're all DAMN SMART. Not too smart but still DAMN SMART, so go on and do well for yeh frickin' exams!

Meanwhile I'll be blogging like nothing's going on muahahahhaha.

Alright back to the chase. Where we last left off, I will continue today. Huh what? What? The POEM. Let's do this study notes style.

In 1/3, we are introduced to a certain character thus far only referred to as 'it'. This being of sorts has displayed sinister characteristics and is on its way somewhere. Where that place is we have only a vague idea, but it is not a pleasant place. Let us now join the blighted group and see what adventure they are about to embark on...

2/3

"Come forth holy spirit
And grant us thy presence
So is our wish upon thee
Such is the want of thy children

"Five cups we've shed
And five more at speed,
Thus far we've been led
By the guidance of the script"

Then again:

"Come forth holy spirit
(oh no I'm not holy)
And grant us thy presence
(you are undeserving)
So is our wish upon thee
(you wish? you wish?! you wish!!)
Such is the wish of thy children
(I never did burden you weaklings)

"Five cups we've shed
(for what have you bled?)
And five more at speed
(who are you trying to feed)
Thus far we've been led
(not by me unto me)
By the guidance of the script"
(But by fools to a foolish end)

So it cackled once more, amused for sure,
By the actions of these puny mice
As they kept chanting it rose one last time
Before bleaching their souls with its ice

They gaped and they choked, all eyes uprolled,
As the creeping of freezing took control
Bodies fell back and tongues fell out
As their spines were bent back, what a toll!

What white and what red emerged from their eyes,
Ears, mouth and every hole
As the spirit caressed in its gentle arrest
While tightening its unending hold

Their bodies were broken and crumpled and bloated
The pain that no human has felt!
Nor dreamt of feeling, much less than comprehending,
And yet they stirred and they knelt!

From head hanging back and arms falling slack,
To the white of the eyes and loll of the tongue
Nay, was this them, this great upset
But the pulling on the string by the master

Too much anguish, it did not vanish
Their souls threatened to escape
But the cold hands pulled and kept them in
To endure more pain, what a fate!

They bled and they bled,
And their bones burst within,
As bodies became useless bags,
With nothing but lumpish filling

Then when it had bored itself of this fun,
Out came the souls, violently flung
Down fell the bodies from their position
And silently the corpses wept

The seven souls wailed, still burning, still hurting,
As they were snatched up on by the head
In grasp of one giant unforgiving claw,
Of the force that they foolishly reckoned

"They have been punished and taken, my master,
All ready to act at your bidding"
"Then come, my son, you have done enough,
I have other tasks that are more fitting"

Through darkest earth and blackest space
The seven corrupt whispers were dragged,
To a place of more howls, a very strange place,
The home of the damned and the butchered

There they were tossed, onto a burning heap
To await whatever next came
Verily their suffereing would be naught but unending
To toil everyday by the flame

Cursed in life, cursed in death,
Every bit of existence was stained
When much had been given, more had been desired
That was the start of their game

That would lead to no end that a sane man would recommend,
That would stir others to repent,
Had they seen what lay await,
What, do you think, would have been?

That's the end of this part, one last step-poet part left haha. There were seriously a lot of parts where I felt like smacking my forehead while typing, and I was super tempted to leave comments around, but nahhh, that would spoil the whole mood tone feel flavaa. I hope it wasn't too bad, cos if it is, then ): lol either way you gotta start somewhere, no one falls out of the sky! To land on a cloud! ASSUMING it can support your weight. After all, isn't it ju- hooooold your horses there, self-restraint in action.

Once more, I'm in my thinking moods. When I'm all alone, walking home, then I realize its quite a sad world really. I look around me, to see all the closed minds, black hearts, sad lives, lonely souls and pathetic creatures mechanically going about their day. Then again, everything is what you make it out to be, no? And I'm determined to die happy and fulfilled. So I
won't
hesitate
no
more
noooo
more
it
cannot
wait
I'm
listening to this song and I got carried away hahah. Eh did he just say comBLAcate? Its from the Cassa Nova sessions. Anyway I was saying, I'm not gonna care for the small inconsequential things, not gonna stress myself out unnecessarily like so many others. Life is too fun and too beautiful to waste away taking yourself too seriously.

And I can't wait to go shoppinggggg. Wait, what's that, I heard something. What? What was that? A snicker? I heard that. Wait, what?! Gay? Softee? What? Some more, lemme hear some more. No not you, the other person.

Well lemme tell you just how many I am when I shop. I beat up all the sales assistants, tear the clothes I try on, spit when I feel like it. I don't talk, I shout thinking everyone's interested in my life, I don't bathe. In fact I make it a point to roll about in mud and feces and crap and go a week in the same clothes. And when I've chosen something, I unabashedly fight for further discounts, harass the cashier, and exclaim loudly before snatching away my bag and storming out into the crowd outside. Then I shoulder my way through, push grannies aside, step on children, kick other adults around, and flip up the cups of people walking and drinking.

Haha stereotypes damn fun ah sia. I cried sial.

OH! The other day I stepped into the lift with another someone, who held the lift for me. I said thanks. She said nothing. At my floor I turned back, smiled and said bye, and she got a shock hahaha. Serious sia she was like half smiling to herself looking at that damn interesting spot on the floor, then looked up with a start at my greeting. Tak sempat answer me, cos by the time she regained composure she was already at her house. Moral of the story. I'm gonna start this, I'm gonna greet everyone, EVERYONE I see in the lift. So when you realize Singaporeans are more gracious, think of me. HAHAHAHHAHA wtf that's too much already. This ends now.

Since I've left this out in a few posts, I spoke to therealshard and he has agreed to ask you to keep safe, stay sharp and get smarter and maintain, tenfold. He also wants you to smile more.

Hello,
A stake through your heart is a steak on my plate

Shrinkage reversalis

2009-09-22T20:40:00.004+08:00

Something I wrote on the morning of Econs paper 2, and continued and eventually finished today... while studying physics But its all good, all good, I still studied, still mugged my ass off, still good still good. This is part one of three, I wanna step suspense. No title, so...

1/3

One dark afternoon, a dark afternoon
A shadow streaked quick through the fields
Where rain had wet and winds had swept
All was peaceful except where it leapt

The ground fizzled and burnd,
Flowers shrivelled and withered
From green to black they turnd
All life had ceased and hardened

It crept beside the footpath,
Under the bridge and over the trees
Where birds dropt from atop
T'was a lifeless menagerie

Then finally the scent was strong
And it leapt with greater strides still
If you listened carefully, you could surely hear its song
It would definitely send down a chill

And now the cursed house was in sight
Where the cursed ones dug a grave of their plight
Not earth, not water, but they demanded flight
So blinded and greeded by the tempts of might

There in a circle they sat breaths abated
Their hands clasped round each others'
And their pulses united, seven souls mated
As they waited for the hour, t'was fated

Off went the lights, and there was no flicker
Then the room was filled with a chill
As it approached you could hear faintly its snicker
Was it too low or too shrill?

The damned souls sat, and still they waited,
For a circus show was not what they wanted.
Blood had been shed, an altar created
Their intentions could be no more blatant

First one voice started, and the others joined chorus,
The call to invoke the Evil.
More flesh was cut and still more red dripped
Seven souls, sins, all a swirl

It laughed and it cackled at the amusing display
And swooped around for a bit more
It brushed their black hearts and kissed on their tongues
For now was the time to play...

Alright that's all for now, I hope my genius suspense plan works hahaha. Its a damn seven pages long on my sheets of paper, and you're lucky you don't have to read my lovely handwriting. Did you notice the coolio speeling in the first stanzas, where I wrote dropt instead of dropped hahaha. It just felt damn cool and I just had to do it, but could not be bothered to remain consistent afterwards. Confirm got a lot of mistakes up there (though I'm prepared to defend the apparent contradiction in the first stanza. Seriously, I'm the last person you wanna argue with).

In other interesting news, I bought new underwear the other day:

Don't worry, I took special care to make sure you don't see anything you don't wanna (or wanna? Ok let's NOT GO THERE), its just my underwear bounded by my shirt and pants. Both black. Me always in black. WHY ah sia like I'm not black enough muahahahha.
Anyway I was sorely disappointed that it does

NOT
GLOW
IN
THE
DARK.
{{{{{{{[[[[[[[(((((((NOOOOOO)))))))]]]]]]]}}}}}}}

But my mama said there's another one out there that glows, amma gonna look for it. I darkened the whole hall to test it ah, that shows you how serious I am about the glow capacity of my underwear.

And something on my physics notes. Yeah I study!

And now this, cos I just uploaded all my photos to tha com:

Cool vibes.
There were two other photos I wanted to share... Um not today I think, they're not very uhhh pleasant. And I don't wanna taint this post! Its glowing and shining now as far as I'm concerned, I'll dirty another post some other time.

Btw I half resolved the frackin' iTunes problem. And yeah that girl does look like Paula Abdul. EH. Gym esok, amacam amacam. Location man, location location location puasa tak puasa gym jangan tak gym.

Hello,
That's what you thought now, really?

Positive Planes!

2009-09-20T00:50:00.002+08:00

Eh first wtf lah, I can't believe you, what are you doing to me.

PREVIOUS iTUNES LIBRARIES?!

WHY ARE YOU GIVING ME THIS SHIT! First I went through all the trouble of sorting out all your smart ass rearrangements, how you anyhow rename files and chuck them in a stupid iTunes library folder. Now I update your smart ass and you mess everything up aGAIN. What's up with the shit sound quality? I don't think its my speakers, they're not scheduled to die yet. Musicmatch Jukebox, why did you have to go, whyyyyy.

Nevermind I'll figure this out some other time, its what I do. Anyway I was playing Need for Speed Underground (when the cops come all I hear is woo woo woo) with my headphones on, and I just realized how much easier it makes my life. I can hear where my opponent is coming from, so being the bastard driver I am I can swerve into his lane and prevent him from overtaking me. This SO beats checking the rear view mirror cos that's just lame. Yeah I played, cos I need this shit. It's been so long, too long, I can't stand studying all the way even though its damn mother fun lol. Whatever it is korang jangan nerd sangat ah. Take breaks and shit why doncha (wish your break was fun like mine).

So I cut meat just now. I can't remember the last time I did, but I was a little apprehensive at first. Half of it wasn't really that super cold anymore, so I could feel the flesh in its absolute fleshiness, how much it resembled what lies under my skin. And I didn't even know which part of the cow it was (found out later its somewhere along the back or something like that ah), so it was super mystery. The most important thing was, the images from the vid on Saiful's facebook was still fresh in my head, so I was like sialah what if this was a person.

And THAT! made me wanna do it even more! I just showered and stuff but I was half hoping for blood to spurt everywhere or something. It didn't, duh, but I had a lot of fun slicing through the red goodness. By the time I had finished, the meat had become softish, and I liked how it wobbled around when you, uh, wobble it. How vulnerable. Then it occurred to me just how much patience it must take for a murderer to slice up the corpse of his victim and do shit to it. So now I'm quite confident that I don't wanna be a murderer, its damn leceh. And think about it, where the hell are you gonna hide the corpse? This is Singapore. If anything, there's always some kepo snooping around, and then your plan's busted.

I will follow you into the dark...
...only because I wanna know what kinda monster lies waiting there. Once I see it I'll split, what you do I don't care hahahha. Its not bad a song, the actual thing.

K I needa sleep now gotta wake up early, gotta train mah body. You keep safe stay sharp get smarter and open your eyes more

Hello,
All in one breath

Amma bust someone's ass if no one starts talking

2009-09-19T03:31:00.004+08:00

First of all I'd like to wish two people a very happy birthday (though its waaaay past midnight let's just make assumptions so our lives will be a lot easier): they are Syafiq, and his biceps.

Happy birthday bro. Happy birthday to you too biceps.

May you see success in all your ohn day voos and gym sessions (gym damn important ok), and maybe you'll keep changing to more Oakley glasses, cool per. K dah we should leave him now, I heard he reacted very emotionally to our surprise thingy, after tarawih plus plus. Wait don't take my word for it, ask him yourself.

But other truths include that his family is damn cool ah, and after meeting his PS3, I've decided, that's what I wanna get. Not a 360, nattawhee, ha pee esh three. Cos its just too frickin' sexy.

Now on to less important things ceyyyy jangan kembang ah tu.

Seriously sak go and watch every damn chapter of Trapped in the Closet, its very well written sung acten (not acted, its acten) and the story's some deep shit that's got me trippin' here. And that video Saiful shared, there's some crazy shit at the end so don't watch if you're the type to hurl. I know I did, and now I'm having a real hard time typing over my vomit, its all over the table. Ah shit again, now some of it's splashed onto the keyboard, man this sucks. I'll probably clean it up tomorrow or something, its Goddamn three forty am I can't be bothered to do housework at this time, you gadda be kiddin' me.

Eh Zul kau nyer link fail, so here's boxxy for everyone. She's so crazy she's driving me crazyyy

Her eyes ah omg her eyes, when she stares square at the screen I half freak out, I think all I really wanna do is punch her in her pretty little face, that might set a lot of things right and get rid of all these ZOINGness vibes she givin' me. I hope for her sake she's really not that retarded.

Oh yah Zul sorry again ah the bloody weights are so damn heavy (heavy? HEAVY?!). I intended to get threes, but my dad salah nampak so there you go, fives to sit by the cookies. Takper ah still too light for you, so you can still take it that we're mocking you with those dumbbells. ABOUT DUMBBELLS. Seriously, Fads' explanation made sense what!

Maybe you didn't get it cos she was giggling most of the time, and repeated too many words too too too many many many times times times times times heh no offence ah. So I'll briefly explain the theory here.

The old skool dumbbell is made of a- sialah I just went through the would-be descriptive text in my head, I realized it just sounds so damn wrong hahahhaa I'll leave it out. RAMADHAN, REMEMBER! Time to make a change, make a better place for you and forty. ANYWAY, look at half of the dumbbell. It looks like the thing in an actual bell, that knocks against the outer casing to make the sound. Right? Good. BUT! These weights you carry don't make a noise! So they're mute, dumb! Dumbbells! Cos mutebells just sounds shite!

Three fifty am I gotta go soon, OH SHIT ITS APPROACHING FOUR WHATTTTTT?!?!?!. I cannot keep this up ah, I don't wanna sleep I wanna sleep I cannot sleep I can sleep all at the same time, and my low discipline always kicks in. Takper, kiter kan ader skeel of super power.

Aper eh aku nak tulis tadi... I swear there was a lotta shit I wanted to give you ah. Now its all lost somewhere, I can't seem to remember. Oh (its what you do to me) well (you dawned on me and you bet I felt it) I (can't feel the way I did before) don't (stay, forget all memories) care (bear HAHAHHA), shit someone just woke up at three fifty six am I am SO screwed. Shhh. Wait. Listen. EH KEYBOARD BISING AH. Silence. Footsteps?

!!!

SILENT WALKER! I saw my nenek and she saw me, I'm officially screwed though she won't yell at me, it keels me silently. Come on Fawaz you can sleep early next time, all you gotta do is go to bed dammit. Takper, kiter kan ader skeel of super power.

K dah cukop enough of this shit I'm gonna sleep on the floor again I so love the floor I tell you. EH NO WAIT! SOFAAAAA! Sofa sleeping is man's greatest invention, I'm proud to be man.

therealshard wishes you'd open your eyes the next time you find a seat at the library, look to the corners in case your eyes ain't big enough/IQ not high enough (how mean of me)/you seriously don't get what I said.

He also wants all of you goons to be safe, stay sharp and get smarter.

Hello,
I am from your future thoughts

Thank the animals the get out of there

2009-09-17T23:10:00.004+08:00

This will be a shorty of sorts before I get back to econs. Lovely lovely econs, its starting to make sense, I just hope my sense equals normal sense. AND that I can remember everything and not suddenly notice the cramp in my neck and then get carried away with feeling bored cos I have to sit down for SO GODDAMN LONGGGG!!!!

EXAM DEI! NOT TORTURE! SO WHY! WHYYY!!!

WWWWWHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In other news. I was supposed to wake up at eightish on Wednesday to go and study at the library while all the chemists chemistized and chasticized and characterized (so I heard it was a hard paper, but nevermind just shut up and move along, yall to smart for this shit! And anyway who asked you to take chem huh huh huh. Its fun being me, I'm gonna learn everything only after my A's, which is soooo much easier on my lifeforce). But! As always something has to happen and this time, I overslept not once but a few times, before finally waking up at 4 pm, rushed to catch Zuhur, then later Asar.

But what followed next wasn't work! Nay, my mind was too distracted by the musings of some brilliant minds on the web, and it soon led me on a journey towards the discovery of many different truths. That journey is incomplete as I had to sever it before it grew too deep with roots, for I had a higher calling.

And that calling was fizz. And it came only late at night when, yes, I was alone once more. Everyone had retired, Mishari Rashid had stopt his recitation, and it was just me and the night. So I studied and I studied, I think I enjoyed myself, maybe too much, and couldn't stop. Partly because I felt I had to make up for the lost time.

Stupid, I know. Cos I only finished at 4, and though I should sleep in the hall so my mom can kick me when it was time for sahur. BUT. My dad had apparently fallen asleep on the sofa and I had trouble falling asleep cos of his snoring. Not that it disturbed me, I just felt like laughing. Ehh I'm a very easily amused person lah what to do. In the end I must have dozed off cos an hour later the lights were on and my mom was calling me up. As I tried to sit up I struggled to divide 2kd over my plate, and stared hard to figure out the denominator. The semiconductors were somewhere on the table so I had to wake up to A naught.

And here I am, hours since that hour, without a wink of sleep in between. How DO I manage to do all sorts of shit, I so love myself hahahhaa.

Myself! Talking about myself! I was very lucky to get a table on the second floor of the library, right beside the big ass bright windows, all to myself! Just me! It was damn bright there (seriously the third floor is so much dimmer once you've experienced the glorious big ass window) and I was finally left all alone. I can't tell you how thrilled I was. It was the best time of my life, I was so productive I might have even been reproductive. Ok NO that was SO wrong, so out of place. Sowie. EH WHAT SOWIE SOWIE ITS SORRY. SORRY WITH AN AARRRRRR.

I was super at peace, except when the idiots in front of me got carried away with their blabber. But it wasn't annoying enough for me to hurt them, and besides, I was telling myself that I will be a nice person. Don't malukan orang and be nice all the way, every way, all the wayyy. But somehow every time someone came to my table they had to ask me why I was alone. Hoi. Solitude. I'm an extroverted solitaire. Not that I hate yall, I love all my friends I really do, but I just prefer to go alone.

I did so much work and had enough time to stare out the window at the Bosch building, and explore a few interesting thoughts, so I have this to share: (Its incomplete and very debatable, but no time for that today)

REASONS YOU SHOULD BE ALONE, LIVE ALONE, DO THINGS ALONE:
- You only have yourself to rely on. The blame is yours, so are the expectations and responsibilities
- You don't tread into others' space and no one gets into yours
- No need to change something for someone else
- You're not committed to anyone, which makes you the best person to seek help from. People don't have to consider politics or shit when they want to talk to you. You will help, and ask for it when you need it.
- You can care without the burden of a relationship or emotional responsibility
- You can be sincere
- No being held down by others, nor pulling people where they don't want to go
- People are difficult to be around sometimes, it gets tiring
- Never forced to share. You learn to do it wholeheartedly, provided you have the discipline and sense to do so
- You have al the time for yourself and prayer. People tend to forget God because of other people

That said, people should not behave like others don't exist. Smile at people, say nice things, prevent that stranger from falling when the train comes to a sudden halt, even if that person was trying to act cool. Be nice to everyone and everything, and remember that He is always watching you.

Which brings me to Ramadhan again. Subhanallah, Ramadhan is such a blessed month. But many people are not seeing this, and I want you to think about that.

I happened to watch a clip on Nickelodeon: How to survive Ramadhan.
First reaction, what?!
Then,
The narrator started telling us how we can get over the hunger pangs. Sleep through the afternoon and wake just when its time to break fast! Problem solved!
Final reaction, WHAT?!

My dear non-Muslim friends, I regrettably inform you that you have the wrong impression of Ramadhan. We do not starve ourselves. We remember the plight of those who do not have like we do, and we cleanse ourselves and dedicate heart and soul to worshiping Allah, to get closer to him. Don't go away with the impression that Muslims are suffering because of Ramadhan. Verily those who say so have sadly forgotten the purpose of their fast.

So please, refrain from commenting on something which you do not have a full understanding of. Yes, I'm very touched by your involvement in our holy month: radio stations announce the time for break fast, and people know what is going on. This is all very good, and is a desirable thing. After all, peaceful coexistence is the way to go. But then, limit your interpretations and comments, for they may have dangerous consequences. Do this for your sake. I just thought, from my experience, a lot of people don't comment so much about how the Hindus carry their Kavadis. To me, that is something only which they will understand, for it is their obligation. As an outsider, I will only observe, understand what I can, and accept them for who they are. I go no further than that.

Alas, the fault also lies in us Muslims! My brothers and sisters (chey macam ustaz ni), it is YOU who must not send the wrong message of fasting. Do not make excuses for yourselves because you are lazy. If you don't know enough about something, find out, for that is what Allah asks of his worshipers. It is you who complain of hunger and you who do not see the specialty of Ramadhan, that has caused our non-Muslim friends to get the wrong idea. And those who are not, are then easily influenced by the wrong ideas. Think! Don't just whine and complain when things don't go in your favour, when people start making fun of Islam... Then later go back to your state of insufficient knowledge, and of not doing the right things when you have to.

If you stagnate, don't expect everyone to fall back and wait for you. This applies to everyone, even all my dear friends from planet j'v'ah. And yes, I haven't forgotten about the transmittent upgrade I promised you.

And since I'm still typing, I wanna talk a bit about the whole strong person thing, you know who you are heh. Its not that I think I have to be strong all the time, or that I shouldn't disturb people with my problems. I don't put up and act, and I show my weaknesses, maybe people just don't notice. And I will not share my 'problems' with my friends, because, really, what good advice can a fellow adolescent give. All of you have your own problems, not all solved, and your 'maybe this maybe that' advice will not help. I just like being alone, and I'm in control of this. You must all accept that I'm not like everyone else hahahha. THINK! When was the last time you met someone like me. Soooo, don't measure me by the common human standard. I am detached from that, I am very different, I'm so loving it, please leave me alone. Somehow I think I still didn't get or address your point but nevermind, I need to talk about more important things now.

I NEED A NEW CONSOLE! It pains me that my beloved PS2 is coughing and dying, I love it with all my heart, I'll never throw it away... I think. I need a new console, but PS3 or XBOX360? A huge part of me is leaning toward the latter. You get to play Little Big World and some Ninja Gaiden shit and dunno what, that's enough of a reason for me. STILLLL, this is all excitement to be contained till after the biggies, and I will do that starting now.

If you somehow read till here in one sitting, you seriously have nothing better to do. I feel so sorry for you, yet that's the extent of my emotional reaction. If you're a student then this is for you:

YOU'RE SMART
YOU'RE SMARTER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE
THINK LIKE A GENIUS AND YOU'LL FIND THAT YOU CAN BE ONE
STUDY YOUR ASS OFF BECAUSE YOU WANT TO
BECAUSE YOU CAN
YOU'RE ALL CAPABLE OF ACHIEVING WHATEVER GRADES YOU WANT SO DO IT, DAMMIT
OK I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF INSPIRATIONAL TALK I'M GETTING NAUSEOUS.

therealshard wants you to be safe, stay sharp and get smartER

Hello,
Would you like a piece of me, I'm high in protein

They're all too close for my good

2009-09-14T22:13:00.000+08:00

Are you ready?

We have language as a means to express ourselves. We need others to know what we're thinking, and we need to be on the same level. Language. Expression of self. Art too is an expression of self, where the artist translates his ideas and thoughts into any form - called art. Art has no rules. People once thought art should follow a certain standard, but great minds emerged with their revolutionary styles and changed everyone else's perception. Now no one defines art.

So why should we hold language in the same shackles.

There are no need for rules in language, because its only purpose is to express. As long as your idea gets across, its done its job, no issues there. So I can keep on making up words.

Then why do why have so many rules in the first place? Tenses, speeling, sentence structure and all that shit.

Because man is under the illusion that he is in control. The young mind believes that everything is within his reach and consequences escape him.
Then when he's slightly older and mature enough to peek over the fence of youth, he realizes that he is not that in control. So he does his best to maintain that illusion, to craft a wall of hopes and rules around himself, to preserve the fragile fantasy that he hopes to live in forever.
But they don't hold, and when he is finally old, he succumbs to the truth that he is powerless. When you are old and your body starts to fail you, then you'll realize you can do nothing about it. This next bit of the argument is from some author whom I cannot recall, it was published as extra text in a version of Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 911. You tend to see more older people at religious places, and old people tend to get religious, because finally they accept that they have no control, that it is all God's will.

Good people, stop trying to fool yourself then. Tear down your pillars of hubris that have thus propped you, and left you precariously perched on the top of a dangerous and steep hill of lies. Accept the truth and drop all attempts to resist. We will move faster swimming downstream, and we will end up at a wonderful place. A waterfall is beautiful and magnificent, no?

Are you still braced?

I'm thinking about how I'm feeling now. What is this. Am I depressed. Is this what its like to be depressed? Why do people hate it so much, I love it. I've never felt so in control and so aware of everything. I am happier when I'm depressed, irony aside. Isn't a light more obvious in a dark room? When I'm like this I appreciate the good things better, though I may remain in my sullen mood. My mind goes into overdrive and I'm exceptionally quiet. But I'm convinced you need some discomfort to stir the cognitive gears. That's why you feel 'unsettled', you're getting out of your stagnation. Still, I cannot run away from the truth that I am sad, but I wholeheartedly believe sadness to be a beautiful thing.

I don't know if this is getting any of you worried, but please, don't give me that I Care shit. I've been thinking, why do people care? The reason why a person doesn't want to see someone else so pathetic, doesn't want that person to slip away, is because they are afraid of losing that person. Someone is afraid that when I'm gone or damaged beyond repair, things won't be the same again. There will be no one to crack jokes, to talk to you the way I do, and to make you feel the way I make you feel. People are selfish, and you are selfish. You want me for yourself, and I don't want that.

I want you to think. How much do you REALLY care about people? To me, I know I care for someone when I don't want that person to suffer just because I don't want that person to be sad. I am not concerned about how different my life will be, that will not cross my mind, instead I just want that person to remain there because she is supposed to.

Have you thought about it then. And if you find you really care for me, then thank you, but go away, I don't want you to be a part of this. I prefer solitude, especially when interference messes things up. I will go to you if I need you, but you don't disturb me. Disturb yourself for your own problems, and maybe I won't even bother with yours unless you want me to. Won't life be a lot easier like that? We support one another by respecting each other's space and preferences, and not impose our idea of 'fine' on others.

Ramadhan is a close friend and he is leaving us fast. This blessed, special month is finishing soon, and I don't like the way they're all hyping up the whole hari raya thing. That's not the purpose, you're stripping the meaning from Ramadhan. Foolish imbeciles, go and have fun, isn't that all you're good for.

With God's permission, we can achieve great things. We won't suffer under heavy responsibilities and challenges will be overcome easily. He is your Provider and nothing can happen without His Permission.

So ASK.

Make full use of these remaining days, more ibadah, God is listening, He always has been, these last ten days are specially for Rasulullah's Ummah. Go, and do what you must do. And I said a good friend is leaving us. Many other loved ones may be leaving us soon, too soon. Go.

Stay safe, be sharp, get smart.

Hello,
You must leave your doors open

whee fee

2009-09-13T20:15:00.001+08:00

cute

freaky

cool shit

Hello,
That's what we did in university

Amendments

2009-09-12T00:51:00.005+08:00

EH SIALAH! BLOGGER'S WORKING FINE AGAIN! Baik ah blogger, who's a good dog now, whuzzaguuddawwgggg. Who? That other dog, not you blogger, not you.

Anyway! T'was my uncle's birthday, and my cooliest friends wished him, which is the cooliest thing I think. Sorry ah aku dah ngantuk ni my words not coming out right I think. Thanks to all you fellas and lady fellas who msged him! Todally (Oh GOD) cool (totally spies too) and he enjoyed it very much.

In other news, Fads and Haliim are very sharp and pointed out that, in the last story, the guy fell in love with his wife FIVE years ago but they're son is EIGHTEEN YEARS.

They found it weird and so did I, when first the issue was brought to my attention. Then I thought about it, and realized yall made assumptions. Firstly, that the son is not anak haram. Like they could have had him first then laaaaater decide to get married. Maybe not enough money? Maybe she was searching for the real father for damn long. OR they had him then thirteen years later finally fell in love.

And who's to say they're Muslims anyway. Or that the boy was adopted but just happened to look like his step parents a LOT, TOO MUCH, tyco to the MAKSIMOOM.

STILL, all these questions will lead us nowhere, so, time to admit to a (best) mistake (ever) and make a shange (and breeeaaaaak aaaaawayyyyy *tarik nafas* I'LL SPRE-)!

He fell in love with his wife 50 years ago, and his son was 10 years old. This evens things out a WHOLE lot more and I believe the implementation of these new age values will resolve all conflicts and result in a more cohesive watershed of a communal sharing for the intellectual as well as those eager for mental (happy) meals.

ONCE AGAIN, 10 credits to FADS for personally telling me online, I'm very grateful. She deserves a round of applause. Heck, a few rounds. K is that enough lol.

And just awhile ago my playlist shuffled to Gwen Stefani's dunno what great escape or something. The woohoo-wheehoo in the intro seriously melampau siak, its freaking ridiculous. I would have laughed but I didn't. Anticlimax sentence heh.

While you're here take a look at (my girlfriend, she's the only one I gatt) this. The point of interest lies close to the three exclamation marks. Though I know you'll scrutinize the whole damn thing lol.

Hello,
How's the sulphurous pit

Lookerati

2009-09-10T23:23:00.000+08:00

READER! This will be one MOTHERLONG post, I warn you. AND it doesn't help that blogger's being a real pain in the ass again, and somehow ScribeFire can't connect to my blog on this com... the vunders of tecknalogy.

Story time again! Thought of during my short workout + shower + fragments of the day.

He wanted to be alone and he finally got his chance. It was very late, chilly, and quiet unlike how it usually is. He hated it so much in the day when he was surrounded by them, hated their noise their antics their irritating behaviour. What good is calling somewhere a home when you feel so miserable in it. But now it was just him, the silence to himself. Everyone was fast asleep.

He took his time to walk about the house, making sure everything was in order; the iron had to be turned off, the windows closed, all the leftovers in the fridge. At last, he stepped into the toilet to wash himself.

He tread softly to his room where he pulled a prayer rug from its rack, and set it in the living room. He stood for a moment in silence, then lifted his hands and prayed the night prayer. He was focused and put all his soul in it. When he was done, he sat for awhile. Then taking a deep breath he lifted his hands and begin to pray again, supplications, in his own language. He asked for good health, for protection, the usual. Then towards the end he began reciting a verse begging God for forgiveness.

Thrice he read it, like they usually do. It didn't feel enough. He recited it again, again and again, until all of a sudden he was overwhelmed with emotion. In the dead of night, it seemed like it was just the clear sky between him and God, and he felt so small. As he begged again and again he started crying, harder and harder till he could not breathe. He tried so hard to suppress his wails and ended up sobbing madly. He lowered his face in shame and begged again and again! How dirty he felt! He could not bear to show his face to his Creator, not after all he had done. So much had been given to him, yet this was what he was. How unworthy, how small, how pathetic! FORGIVE ME! YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN FORGIVE ME, PLEASE DO NOT ABANDON ME!

He cried harder still and struggled to keep reciting his prayer in between gasps for breaths and suppressing his loud crying. His face, hands, shirt, all wet in tears yet the tears kept pouring out. Oh how he wanted to wash himself clean of all his sins, how he so wanted to be loved. Without His love, there was no meaning. He was so afraid, so terribly afraid, and so desperate. And even in this state of guilt, when he stripped off all his wrongdoings and lay them in front of him, to show Him what he had done though He already knew; to admit his wrongs and think about His wrath, he felt a warm comfort.

He was drained, exhausted beyond words. But he felt it, the feeling you get when a loved one lifts your head gently by your chin, to stare you in your eyes and tell you its alright. His lips quivered and he let out a final stream of tears.

He walked slowly into the master bedroom, where his wife lay sound asleep. He stood at the foot of the bed and watched her breathe slowly. She looked so innocent and loving, the same face he fell in love with 5 years ago. The same face he still loves so dearly. He took a step forward and brushed aside her fringe to take in the full beauty of her features. He kissed her on the cheek and walked out.

He opened the door to his son's bedroom and hesitated for a moment. His son was 18... but it was still his son. He knelt by his side and took a long look at the boy's face, taking in the features. My eyes and my lips, his mother's cheeks and nose. He was a beautiful child and he could not ask for more. Another kiss.

Lastly, he pushed open the door to his parents' bedroom. They were fast asleep, calm and at peace. Even in the darkness he could see the wrinkles on their faces, from years of hardship, caring and love. They had given so much for so many things, especially him. Two more kisses.

But that wouldn't do. He told himself, in the morning, I will tell each one of them how much I love them.

K end of emo story, did you cry? I hope you did! And if you know someone who cries over these kinda things, make 'em read it! I wanna make people cry hahahhaha. You do know I don't mean it that way right right riiiight.
Alright another one, not as refined as the story. Its all ideas now, I gotta weave the words later on. Make it into a poem or something. Here goes:

What is love?
It is the cane that caresses the rascal
The sweetest medicine for every ailment
It is the sleep that sets upon the largest armies
That brings warring nations to their feet
Then makes each of them feel alright
Before making them embrace real tight
The destroyer of ridges,
The creator of bridges
A child that tugs gently
At the sleeve of a wrongdoer
The butterfly that dances merrily
Its beauty like no other
It is the warmth that keeps you comfy
And the chill that keeps you cool
The sunshine that lifts your spirit
And the music to correct your mood
It is a sword, it is a mace
It is every weapon you can find
But it doesn't cut or bruise or hurt
Instead it works to bind
Whenever all is bleak or down
And with your clothes you wear a frown,
Then you ask yourself 'what is this love!'
Why, like everything is lost
Just know the answer to all questions
The solution to all problems
Is always right there with you,
You just gotta look inside.

So that didn't turn out as unpoetic as I thought it would! Refine another day? Or leave it as an imprint of my writing at this time of my life. WELL! I'll leave it. Because there are other things to do, more things to let in than you can hold on to. Let go and fell the rush of new found freedom. I must write a poem for my mother next year, for her birthday, the whole message in a card thing is getting old. Heck, not her birthday! For HER! Because I love her every moment and I don't have to wait for one silly day to tell her that.

Ramadhan is leaving us fast, and its sad. I had to spend so much time studying, everything just feels to different. Plus the new azan, the hyper emo step dramatic movie-trailer-guy voice doa afterwards, the new DZIKR! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SINGING OLD MEN!! I don't like your new version GIVE BACK THE OLD SONG. Ridiculous... Speaking of ridiculous! For some reason I've been receiving messages from Team RYC, Ramadhan Youth Challenge. Supposed to be a message a day with some wisdom that varies between the religious sort and the Health Promotion Board type hahahha, seriously. And that day, I got the winning message (worded as closely to the original as I can remember. Malas to find the original message, then again, its far more embarrassing to the Team, in its originality):

Wndr how to meet yr 2 servings of veg and fruits per day? Take 1 serving of fruit and veg during sahur, and 1 serving of fruit and veg when breaking fast.

Lol thanks ah I really couldn't figure that out. Though I can imagine some pakcik somewhere reading the message, then blurting out
OOHHHH!! Macam gini ehhh. Alaahai, senang je! Apesal aku tak pikeh pasal ni awal2 ehh... wah nasib baik nih, apertu, Team RYC, hantar mesej. Kalau tak, dahsyat! Eh Sayang, mari, baca ni mesej- eh alamak terpicit- ah k baca ni. Lepas tu kasi diorang sumer baca, kita kena update pasal benda ni sumer tau.

Eh aku bukannyer nak ejek pakcik2 innocent out there tau, cuma nak engage in a bit of 'creative expression'. Ok that's enough of talking like that, back to English.

I remember I wanted to write something else... but I can't remember haaaah. Nevermind then I'll end this post, right here right now right round, right round when you go down when you going down now I hope I got the words right otherwise paiseh.

Anyway ah, this post has been too emo and lovey dovey, and there's more at the end hahahha. So I guess I'll leave my blog to stagnate for awhile, let the flava sink in, kasi dier meresap siket, then I'll come back another day with a post all about hatred negativity and everything that makes you feel like SHOITE. Till next time, then. Its now 12:23 AM.
Stay safe, get smart, have some &@*#)%$ manners

Hello,
If you are my family then remember, I'm always proud to be a part of you,
If you are a friend then know that I love you,
If you are a stranger then stand easy, I am willing to accept you

Eucerin lol

2009-09-09T21:37:00.001+08:00

I had to scan these pages for a loved one, so I think I might as well put them up here. Do you have a use for them? You will now proceed to read the translation.

Hello,
Well

Snake in a vineyard

2009-09-07T21:54:00.001+08:00

You know how I always talk to myself, make noises, sounds, sing and stuff? Looking ahead of the dark and lonely childhood I suffered (hahahahahah I like this story a lot), I think my mind's just very hyper. THen it occured to me that all the words stories dialogues arguments and thingamajigums I think about can be shared! WOW! Ok lah I didn't intend for that to sound so stupid; intelligent version: I think it'd be good to share all these things.

When Ivl first spoke to his Master about the quest he foresaw, he was warned. Such shadowy beasts will never leave you once you pursuit them, and the stain on your soul will be immeasurable.
"It will be hard to pry yourself from it all, and I'm worried you will be burdened for far longer than you can tolerate."
"I understand. This is something I must do, I will bear all costs. Master, have you not noticed how every great soul dies young? I am-
"Fool! What nonsense are you driving at! Enough of th-"
"Hear me, Master!"
"...very well. I do so love you as a son Ivl, you have my word that I will let you speak freely:
"Thank you Master. I was saying... it just seems to me that I might be one of them,"
"Yes you are great, but what do you mean?"
"I haven't got much left to live, I must do what I have to do now."
"Ivl! How can you... *sigh*... I knew it would amount to something like this... If you must do it, then I shall only support you,"
"Thank you Master,"
"And you take care. I know the sound of your mind too well, don't ever be afraid to yell for me when you are in need."
"I am forever indebted to you"
"Go now, Ivl."

And so Ivl gathered his belongings and for the last time, stepped out of their village. Many times had he tread this path, when called upon by His Majesty to serve the Land. He was a soldier and a warlock, and he was accustomed to being uncomfortable in strange places. But this time he knew it would last for ever. He made haste to the Palace, where he sought an audience with the King.
He was shown quickly shown into the Great Hall.

"My Lord, I pray you are in good health."
"And so I am, Ivl. What is it that you have to tell me? I know my best soldier too well to expect him to show himself for a triviality."
"Indeed My Lord. I have come here today to seek your blessing for my journey."
"What journey is this, then?"
"I will pursue the dark beasts that have plagued my mind for too long. I see them as a threat to your Kingdom."
"Now Ivl, you know that is impossible. Have some sense!"
"I have that, My Lord. I only ask for your blessings."
"Stop playing the fool, Ivl! You know that if you choose this path, you will be fighting alone."
"As I have always been." Firmly, he said those words and stared the King in his eyes.
"...! As much as I oppose your ridiculous ideas, I have no reason to hold you back. However I refuse to bless you."
"Very well."

And he left unceremoniously, leaving the King to stare after his billowing cape. The Bishop came to his side.
"I would hate myself if I were him, Your Highness."
"An outcast. That's what he has always been. Now he sees that no one needs him anymore, so they have abandoned him. There was no other way this would have turned out."
"You are wise, My Lord."

Ivl wasted no time, and went on his long journey. It was past midnight when he arrived at the Far Well. There, he made camp and shed his blood in honour of the Warlock Spirits. He knelt in meditation for an hour, before wiping off his tears and lying down to sleep. His blade rested silently by his side, keeping watch on its master as he rested. It was only thus fateful cos Ivl had crafted it so, and possessed no life or thought. How it behaved and acted was, in fact, how Ivl acted, as though a shard of his soul had been fused with the cold steel.

No matter what, he still felt alone and nothing could change that. And as the forest breaths danced around his body, his magic burst into flames and made a cage. Alone and imprisoned indeed.

That's the end of the story so far, that's about as much as I spoke to myself today-ish. Now time for the unpleasant next part of this post, the angsty bit. There's always a prawn behind the stone (HAHAHAHHA I can't get over this), and its not always pleasant. For your good health, and to avoid spoiling your prelim-mugging mood, I strongly suggest you halt here. That's all, I can't really be bothered with what you do hahaha.

I'm going against my better judgements and all the voices of sense in my head yelling at me to stop. The both of you are idiots, I can't take it. There are times you make me happy, each of you, but why should I cloud my judgement by basing my thoughts on moments of mania. I cannot forget all the crap and shit you've given me. Too much to be forgotten, see, and its ongoing. If you're reading this, I hope you know who you are. And I know you won't feel a thing but anger. That is how you are. I am disappointed at what's become of the two of you, and I despise myself even more for entertaining such thoughts. You and I know I'm not supposed to. Yet here I am sharing them with whoever reads my blog. That includes the Warlocks of South Nisfern, my apologies.

Wake up and grow up, stop behaving like damned children. I would so love to avoid you and keep away but I cannot, what's more I have duties and responsibilities. The shackles of life, that is what they sometimes are. Blessings concealed in iron and rust. Whatever. I can only say so much, you are you. Do what you will, I can only stand and watch, and write and curse, and detach myself from it all like I'm going to do now.

I'm not afraid to hate, to be critical, to hate, to despise, feel disgusted, hate and hate anymore. See here, I am talking about things many shy away from. Why run away from what happens naturally? I'll do what I do: face it all, come to a decision and let it all pass. I have no time for too many emotions and I don't even know if what I'm doing is totally correct but I'll live with it for as long as no one is made to lose out for my actions. Is there irony somewhere there.

Do you remember hearing about people who grew up all right but turned out horribly wrong.

Jeng. JENG. JENGGGGGGGGGG.

Well I'm not one of them

Tadum, CHANG!

All that was completely redundant, I just thought it felt rather dramatic. Dramatic = impact = good = just write it even if its irrelevant.

You, reader, do you know me? Really? Are you worried? Why are you worried. Why do you care or think you care. Have I made you think? How much have I made you think. I want you to question yourself and feel uncomfortable. Squirm in your skin and taste the dryness of your mouth. The whole experience is beautiful, don't forget a little bitterness to go with the sweets of life. You need the entire package to completely appreciate the beauty of what you have. So get up now and go stare at a plant. Completely disjointed paragraph, I'd say. Tried to say something, failed, tried to rescue it, failed, left it all there, satisfied. Lol this is funny.

I have a strong feeling this is one post I might revisit in the future. Cut away all the bad parts but leave enough of a trace for me to remember. Not a hoarder, just a thinker.
Now its time to get back to work, I'm so loving this work thing I wish I could stay in school and study for longer hours and puasa forever, it ROCKS to not have to eat.
Ramadhan is leaving us fast :((((((((( What's left is precious, go on, make full use of it.

Hello,
There's too much sass in this bong

pissacrap

2009-09-06T23:40:00.000+08:00

Bloody Blogger's acting up again, why lah WHY do you have to do this to me after all I've done for YOU. I tried Firefox first, no go. Though Safari would do the trick cos its so sexay, but turned out it wasn't that sexay after all. So now I'm on Chrome, convinced that Blogger's being a complete RETARD. Chrome's nice. TOO NICE :O

So, madrasah! I think... twas a waste of time today. Sigh nevermind, no one ever said being a good boy would be easy lol. Who knows, I probably got alim-ized or something, so I'm not gonna complain grumble grumble crunch crunch.

Once again I'm in another unfathomable mood, and this time, I'm gonna give datuk advice to you all again muahahhaa. Put properly, I wanna share some things with yall because there might be a chance that it'd be useful to you. I care for all of you, and only want you to be happy. Awwwww....

NEXT!

- When you wanna scold a person, don't ask questions like WHY didn't you do it! Why did you forget!
Be nice and don't say the word 'don't'. Eg. next time do as I say, ok?
When you question or use a negative, you open up the opportunity for an argument, and cause the scoldee (yeah he) to get defensive.

- Don't be too emotionally attached to too many things. A lot of times its good to let go; let everything slip around you, ride the waves, go with the flow. There's only so much you can grab onto before you are brought to your knees. When something comes to you, love and enjoy it, then move on. You have a lot more waiting for you, give that your 100%.

- Be realistic in your goals but dream big. ALL OF YOU IDIOTS CAN GET YOUR STRAIGHT As SO LET'S DO THIS SHIT YALL! I BELIEVE IN YOU! AND NOW I'M TIRED OF SHOUTING SO I'LL GO BACK TO talking in a normal volume.

- Plan your revision and study smart. My math tutor, the cool guy who teaches me every sat, taught me how to revise: go through the core concepts, make a mindmap or summary of the whole topic. Get through a few basic questions, try one or two normal ones. The rest, don't waste your time doing. Read the question, go through the steps mentally and as you do so, uncover your answer (yeah that means you must have done it looooong ago when that tutorial was in fashion) for each step. If you make a mistake, slap yourself and look in the mirror and yell BITCH! then carry on. If you get it right who cares, move on. Ok actually its up to you I give up hahahhaa.

- YOU NEED EXERCISE!!! I'll gym with you if you wanna! Ok no actually it depends, shut up I never said anything GO AWAY.

Pretty wise, eh this psychopath (eh walau see lah now I'm half-convinced I'm one. THANKS AME.). Now I gotta go do what I gotta do duhhh. All talk and no play makes Fawaz a sleepy cincilla.

Study smart, GET smart, stay safe, don't forget to shave (?!),
see yall in heaven. Ok WHAT was all that for.

Bye I'm gonna increase my IQ through sleep therapy.

Hello,
Razorblade relationships

Good for my ninja image

2009-09-06T00:48:00.002+08:00

Just when I thought Singaporeans were quite ok-ish, a hundred and one people had to, in a remarkably short period, demonstrate their acute skill for keeping mum. You know the way people try to use Eye Power to conjure enough space to walk through somewhere.

And when you're with your friends you try to be nice by pulling your friend away, so the idiot may pass, only to have him move on wordlessly. Remember, idiots, your ass is in the path of my foot.

Please, open your damned mouths lah. Don't try to push yourself against me cos I'll push back next time, and I deadlift you know. Huh huh huh take that.

OH YAH DEADLIFT!

GYM!

Proud of myself for going on Friday, I can't tell you how much I miss the feeling of trying... to uh... carry heavy things? Man that sounds damn unexciting. Anyway it was Hanif's first time deadlifting, and he's got good form. If my projections are right, he'll be able to lift a two-storey building in about... 2 months 6 days 5 hours andddd... 43 seconds. And thanks to Zul for his new form of 'weathering' called- guess what- Zul Pressure.

K dah enough gym all of you are starting to throw up already.

Syafiq is turning super ***.

YOU HEAR THAT SYAFIQ, YOU HEAR THAT?!?!

Bye I need to sleep cos I have... madrasah. Tomorrow, followed by the next two weeks off. WHYYYYYYY can't I pon tomorrow?!?!?!? Oh yeah, have been, too much, can't take it, not good. Not good, straight path to hell if you may. Later.

Hello,
Me overdose me

Thank you ScribeFire

2009-09-03T22:11:00.001+08:00

I so wanna express my disappointment that our exam venue has shifted. All along I had been imagining myself sitting near the front of the ISH, occasionally looking up to see some nerd walk from the toilet and try to act cool. Then! In the morning, in the car, on the way, when my psyching up was at its peak, I received an inappropriately cheerful message from Ame telling us that our venue had SHIFTED. TO. THE. MPH.

MPH.

Prior to that day I had heard horrible stories of the MPH. The frozen winds, the yellow smell and such. Anyway I went up to the solat room to leave my stuff, met Syafiq, and then 'Eh you know right we are at the MPH?'

Syafiq: "WHAT?!"

See its horrible right. How can dey doo dis too uss. He had been psyching up similarly, and I can only imagine how many hearts were crushed that morning. Not to mention the poor fellas who arrived huff puff cos of the sudden change. Nehmind. Whatever. As long as they recycle the foolscap papers I'm happy.

Fast forward to ten minutes ago. My frickin' tube of Oxy squirted at me ah SQUIRTED tF. At first I thought it was cos I squeezed too hard or sth. Then AGAIN WTF. STUPID TUBE DON'T YOU KNOW NO MATTER WHAT YOU ARE YOU DON'T GO AROUND- ok I really think I should not continue with that sentence. So I'll talk about a little social experiment instead. No wait I won't, malas ah sia.

Instead I will tell you HOW TO BEHAVE during a social experiment. If you spend time around me, you must be prepared for all my Great Ideas and remarkably strong urges to do FUN things. Seriously people, don't be so uptight. HAVE FUN! Do things, jangan kemaluan and shit. Dont' use the word childish cos lotsa people never really grow up, lotsa adults are kids acting adult.

RULE NUMBER ONE
Don't stare at me or look and laugh or whatever when I make sudden loud announcements or shi', when normal people may find it inappropriate. This will tell everyone who made the noise, and that's not good for ninjas like me.

RULE NUMBER @
Never EVER assume people don't speak malay; don't go around discussing my brilliant plans or saying things like 'eh eh eh dier datang ah. EH bodoh sak dier tak nampak!!' Hijazi should know this. Heh no offence bro I just can't stop thinking about you AWWW-
-CHOO! Sorry I hadda sneeze.

ELUR REBMUN EERHT
Be a sport. Partake in my glorious adventures, be a part of something great in history. It'll nourish your soul, and you'll only come away better off. The more the messier, as the saying goes.

The end.

Hello,
I need a smile

Running through

2009-08-31T01:23:00.003+08:00

Once more when I was on the verge of smashing through countless walls, I resentfully sat quietly while spiting every one of them in my mind. Mourning their weakness and how the cower in the false, protective shell of fear. Ridiculed them for all they were not.

And when that phase had passed and I sat happily facing them once more, I was overjoyed by their presence. Thankful for every moment I had with them, each second was bliss. Which is why I must do my best to protect them from the evil side of me, that shady being that passes dark murmurings. I will not succumb to its hate, nor will I entertain its vulgar arrogance.

My family had a discussion about when we feel creative, and when we get ideas; the painful phenomena of trying to collect your brilliant thoughts as they slip through your mind like the water running down your body from a shower now past. Then we came to the conclusion that you're the most creative when you're at peace.

This is what I say. You're most creative when taking a piss. That's when all the juices are flowing.
So...anyone wanna drink ma piss?

Enjoy this if you have the discipline; for that reason its not embedded.

Hello,
Sleep is a long-term commitment

O'er the hills and too far away

2009-08-30T00:28:00.003+08:00

At this hour of the night Fauzan is sitting in front of the computer singing away all his Michael Jackson songs. And I gotta say, he's getting better at it. Starting to sound a lil like Mr Jackson if I might add. It runs in the family, see. At any time someone's singing, and then you have me talking to myself and my mom echoing our songs after some time. My dad occasionally breaks into song when he gets up to find something new to do.

Another poem first! Written, uhm, during an econs lecture. WHICH I DID PAY ATTENTION TO OKAY! The words just came falling out I had to pen it. Its a little rough, and I almost used the word 'asunder' somewhere but wasn't quite sure of the meaning lol. So there may be mistakes around, it may not be perfect, but I'm leaving it that way. Its like a snapshot of that time, see? And as I keep writing, I can look back and laugh at my past self, start crying then retreat to my dark corner and grumble the day away.

And don't even begin to question the name, I have no idea myself how it formed.

Itsy Bitsy for the Many

People I know,
Falling like snow
Beautiful at first
Melt into nothingness

Like trees in a forest
Some stand tall among us
While others reach out
Extending through the crowd

But one after the other,
They start toppling in numbers
And as they go down
Pull so many others along

And like the shape of this poem
More fall under to join them
And the new ones joining the top
Those few, only waiting their turn to flop

It looked a lot better written out, you can see the triangular shape. Oh well whatever, we'll leave the discussion for another day. And that day will be... YESTERDAY! HAH geedit geedit.

Alright that's enough of this for one night.

Hello,
Complete connections to complement your corrections

HUH?!

2009-08-28T23:45:00.003+08:00

Penny Arcade changed their skin, WHAT?!
HOW! WHY! TAK PUASA KE PER!

So anywayyy, I was sharing with some people just now, my brilliant teachers' day idea. I bust into the staff room with a loudhailer and go:
"Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. I'd like to wish all of you a happy teachers' day in advance! Ooh-ooh! Putcha hands in the ayer!

*followed by extremely awkward silence and weird stares*

Ok I think I should be going off now."

Then I bust outta the staff room. OR I could just go for the simpler plan. Crash into the staff room and run through it yelling HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY at the top of my lungs, then run back out before white slips start appearing.

Anyways, I was thinking. Yes again hahahhaha. I was thinking, how cool it would be if everyone was like spontaneous and fun-loving. In the train, we could break out in song! In a shopping mall we can suddenly pretend to wield super weapons and start running around all coolio ninja matrix robot fighter style. THE POSSIBILITIES! ARE! ENDLESSSS!!!

A world full of me is a world full of glee.

I wrote a poem I wanna share. I'll find it. Scan it. Morph it. Blog it.

Hello,
Will you be so kind as to pass me the sword

Four Minute Dots

2009-08-27T23:15:00.001+08:00

I. WANT. THIS.

Hello,
More soon

there's a video in this post

2009-08-23T00:42:00.009+08:00

It is not that the workers were working at night on a Saturday, nor that he chose to walk so far. Not even that there's a space after the second time 'Gatsby' is written. Is is that there are no Es in the whole. damn. paragraph. Furreal, check it out.

I woke at 4-ish just now, got up and went to the toilet. Walked about a bit. Sempat discuss the workings of the human heart with Fauzan, and Fahim's banana cake in the oven, before falling asleep. Again, on Fahim's bed, though he was arguing against it.

Then I awoke again around 6:45. Got up, showered, prayed, before you know it buka (PUASA WOOHOO! I LOVE PUASA! I LOVE RAMADHAN! RAMADHAN MUBARAK EVERYONE!!!), and off to the mosque.

Day to night and night to day, I can't keep this up. I still wanna sleep now, funny eh. But I should so I'm not complaining.

I look at myself in the mirror, after starting long enough I see my face going two ways. Either on magazines everywhere, in the headlines, on my website, and in everyone's mind. The kind of places a famous face will be, and for good reason. Or on one newspaper headline, cautioning everyone of this wanted man. Or the triumph of his arrest. I really can pull off the serial killer look. LOOK AT ME. The piercing eyes that hide so much, the perpetual frown, the everything. Let's look at Ted Bundy; what he was I am in some ways, and the rest, I can be.

But nahhh, I'll pass. Serial killer life not for me. If I kill tons of people then everyone must know, otherwise I'll be some unknown. Letting everyone know but staying alive would mean being on the run or in hiding, and that's not nice. So strike out my name from your list of potentially dangerous people, will ya. Alright thanks.

If ever I appear not to care, don't be upset. I guess I'm becoming more of that, but in a good way, because life would suck terribly if I gave two shits about everything and everyone. I can't help it if so many people wanna stress themselves out over many small things, I'm just not like that. And I'm very stubborn, I'll go against every convention and every hard rule, credit that to my ancestry I think my whole line's stubborn in some way. If you can't see my way then don't bother hanging with me cos I really won't bother tolerating you. Though I always do! Haha how's that for confusion. Ok let's drop this fruitless discussion, I didn't even intend to go anywhere with it.

I can't begin to describe how I feel yet, so if you really somehow wanna know, read the book Brave New World and look at the chapter where Bernard Marx is having a discussion with his friend. I can't even bother finding the page now lol. And Fahrenheit 451, I feel very Clarisse. So am I reading books that somehow feel like me or do I find a lot of similarities in these characters by chance. Either way I feel on the verge of a great story, I just haven't found the time and the right words to start. And New Worlds I haven't finished; lotsa changes to make to it, lots more to add, not today not today not anytime soon I think.

Video thanks to Zul, Syafiq for telling me to stop smiling hahahah I just couldn't take it I wanted to laugh my ass off. It was quite tiring, good exercise I should say.

Of all the things I can say
I'd like to highlight instead that Maskil's an idiot with cameras
MUAHAHAHHAHAHA

cool sia

Hello,
Never wake yet never die

DANGER

2009-08-19T02:36:00.006+08:00

PASSING NOTE. SOME CLASSICAL SONGS ARE NOT GOOD FOR THIS TIME OF THE NIGHT. ESPECIALLY WHEN THE TIME BETWEEN THE SOFT INTRO AND THE SUPER CRESCENDO LASTS LESS THAN HALF OF A QUARTER SECOND, AND THEY'RE VERY LIBERAL WITH THEIR CYMBALS'N'SUCH.

Apparitions

2009-08-19T00:51:00.002+08:00

First I'd like you to know that Samantha started out with $30, and Sabrina, $50. I hope I'm right heh.

You remember the quiet time, don't you? It is the time when the fountain of thought spouts questions and observations, wetting the pavement around thus inviting a growing crowd to watch the spectacle. The show of a mind on the verge of erupting forth with wonders unheard of, as hinted by the promising stutters. They've come to watch a parade, for they are in on it to. We are one body and we contribute to its growth. This is what happens during that period of floatation. My most recent log, I will share:

Why does the boy squat by the sidewalk while talking on his phone, gesturing wildly? It is probably nothing, but like all man, there is an innate desire to be part of something serious, to draw attention towards oneself. Subconsciously then, our mind carelessly dances to the tune of the waiting ovation, and we get carried away.

Why does the girl sit in such an uncomfortable position? Because she just wants to sit with her friends? Cannot afford to look uncool?

What are the construction workers eating. What are they talking about.

When was the last time I looked up at the moon.

The sky is clear, I can't smell now.

I hear the soft thud each step makes, picture the soles of my shoes slowly wearing off at the heels. My pants flutter with each stride, and I almost wish they were tapered.

I'm too tired to observe anymore.

Did you catch the progression? A rapid-fire of questions, falling around me like a torrential storm, but quickly easing into a light drizzle that feels good on the face. You don't usually walk out in it on purpose, but you don't mind it there. You taste it a bit then move on, and before you know it there is no rain. Is the sky bright and clear? Maybe. But the passing of the storm hints to a more substantial state, that of accepting what is and leaving the questions for when it is truly their time.

I toyed with this next confession while walking out of school, and it was a really unpleasant experience. But I figured enough people know of it or suspect something, negating any reason I may have for holding back. Might as well hear it from me right? Don't listen to what others have to say, I'm yelling it in your face now. You might take it as a warning, though I'm clearly stepping hard on my feet by issuing that statement. Oh well I'm a blatantly honest pacifist, and sometimes foolishly do what I think is 'right', when it goes against some other person's better judgement (funny, I can distinguish myself from the common man, yet I'm not so inclined to say I'm different).

I am a liar, a compulsive, in-your-face, honest eyes steady voice, disgusting, dirty liar. It pains me to admit that I lie a lot, so much that I need to constantly mentally slap myself. These lies aren't to harm people. Rather, to prove a point, sway an argument in my favour, prevent me from looking stupid, or worse still, they just come out... AND! I have the cheek to act like nothing happened. I wish you could hear my deep sigh and feel my anguish. Alas there is only so much words can do. These words that could well have easily tainted my reputation, are now struggling to explain my actions and and and whatever. Why did I even have to admit it, now I can't even go back to delete the paragraph.

So please, the next time I abruptly tell you something was not true, just accept it and move on. You are all an important part of my recovery. Hahahah how did that sound I wonder. And one more thing, please don't ever mistake my mannerisms as weak attempts at humour or such. Though my natural actions may sometimes be funny, I don't always deliberately try and make people laugh. So the next time I do something you think was supposed to be funny, don't force yourself to laugh just to make me feel good. It does the exact opposite, for I always expect people to act like nothing happened. I guess its just me, the weird antics, accents, sounds, talking to myself and whatyouhave. If you no longer squeal in joy everytime you have an ice cream, I don't see why you have to keep laughing at- or with- me. Whatever it is. Whatever.

So I looked at the clouds just now, and for more than a fleeting moment saw something I wished I hadn't seen but saw coming all along, so I looked back to the ground. Many people reading my mind I suppose? Enough to will a change in the, what, stratosphere? That what you call it? Then I asked myself what I was doing out so late, tried to answer, then asked the figment of a You what it was doing, why I was asking it and why I was looking out. It kept quiet but my thoughts kept probing, until with a tired hiss I gave up all attempts and asked the biggest question of all: Who are You?! Why do I think I know this You so well when I don't? Is it the sum of all the voices in me, all my personas and thoughts combined. Or mainly the cumulative being of my fantasies long held back in storage. Or what. What?

So what, what is this young man doing up so late, why is he tapping away on his keyboard at this hour. He has things to do. He will do them.

Hello,
Please tell me I'm a good boy

Solar Sleep

2009-08-17T23:24:00.003+08:00

I won't go so far to say this is how I'm feeling now, but this extended chain of thoughts passed through my head just now, and I'd like to remember.

The entrance to what makes me is like a funnel, and through it everything passes through. But now it seems that too much is being forced in too fast. Sometimes it appears that I see more than I should, question more than what is healthy, and have my face forced in front of problems many brush aside carelessly. Shall we take a peek, then? This occured to me while studying:

If you're alright, you'll ask someone, 'What's wrong?'
But if you're not fine yourself, you'll ask 'Are you alright?'
You don't always know if you're not fine, but you're sure when you are.
Maybe, when you're not fine, its harder to read someone else, and to judge what's supposed to be or not.
Maybe, when you're fine, you've got a clear view of everything and can spot a dip in the field of people's feelings.

The thing is, the funnel is not overflowing; one can only assume there is a great Unknown beneath it, extending into the depths of me, that is continually expanding and making space for all the rushing Objects. While it hasn't crippled me or such, the whole process does seem exhausting and causes turbulence in the Emotion epicentre. I don't know what I want, feel restless and can't lay my finger on the cause of the unease.

The funniest part of it all is that I have no intention to dwell upon this matter, however serious it may sound. Most importantly, when I feel overwhelmed, I am thankful that Allah is always there to lift the burden from my shoulders, and guide me along. He is All-Knowing, All-Powerful.

But as I was turning the whole story about in my head (the long walk home sometimes provides much-needed Alone time), I unknowingly started defending my ideas against an unseen critic. I realized this happens a lot; sometimes I see someone getting scolded, and immediately I'm in his shoes fighting back, preparing for alternate scenarios. ANYWAY. The voice said that I was a madman for thinking like this. Madman? Maybe, but one at the start of his days. And brilliant ones, at that.

Last sentence was inconsequential. More important matters are calling for my attention now, I cannot lose focus now, not yet, not ever. You, reader, sleep early tonight.

Hello,
We'll be messing with subliminal messages today

Laptop plugged into charger

2009-08-15T02:00:00.002+08:00

Today some very bad news met me. I have lost bulk in my traps. I went home and looked at myself in the mirror, and I couldn't see anything much because I was too small. No traps. No biceps. No back. How to go hunting without my traps ah how how how how HOW WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME. We ALL know how inefficient nets and fires are, so why's this happening then?

I told them that it would be a bad path to choose but they went along anyway. Not that I can blame them; it was a tough decision to make. But what can they do when everyone else just keeps quiet? Its like you try to start a war but nobody fights back. What's the point then!

So now they're just waiting, kicking dirt around. No one's spoken, and no one knows what's gonna happen next.

So.

I got them new weapons and told them to blow up the nearest town and they did, so they kept destroying cities and killing people. No one said anything so they kept it up. At some points you may even think these people ask for it, but are happier when someone else gets punished first. At least someone else is hurt, so I'm fine, right? That's how they operate.

So we flattened their lands and took their lives, till it was only us left. Then I killed them in their sleep, so now it's only me. I always said how I liked being alone, so now I'm happy. I've always been my best friend, so I've got to say, I'm in heaven. The oth- oh wait someone's at the door.

INTGABEITSECU
WHY.

If you want something done right, do it yourself. Then again you can't if everyone wants to chip in, so you'll never get it right. Then if that happens to everyone, we'll have a new meaning for 'right'. Then that will keep changing and we'll always be happy. But in the end someone will upset the balance and we'll have to start over.

I told myself studying is a reward in itself, cos I wanna get smarter. So am I smart? I have my thoughts, but what do you think. Do some of you treat me like a commodity, want me around only when I have something to give? Then when there's something better you casually walk off. But keep taking from me when you are in need. Do you? Well?

No. That, ladies and gentlemen, is the Pessimistic Voice. It has the uncanny ability to match reality with a warped alternate, that gives you the guilty pleasure of feeling pathetic. Be quiet and listen closely; can you identify that voice? Its usually a tad higher than your own voice, and sometimes it laughs at you when you expect real people to. I find it a delightful pleasure, fighting that personality, for it reacts. Then as it had tried to make me squirm in my skin, I laugh as it squirms in my mind, hurting more as I get stronger. I believe I've let my imagination run a little wild this time, so I'll stop. The mental imagery I've painted is not pleasant, so be glad you're only seeing the text of it.

One last thing. I've made up my mind about everything. EVERYTHING.

Therefore I proudly announce my decision to end this session here, and try to sleep. Its hard to sleep when you were dripping wet from so much perspiration. Then again I could bathe. Time check...

Wtf.

But I've made up another mind, so I'm good to go. Go back to your life, citizen, mine has already begun.

Hello,
Traps

What did they call

2009-08-14T00:34:00.002+08:00

Do you think its depressing how people work hard to pull everyone else down?
I think seeing the word depressed is bad enough.

Well don't be.

Because we will change it all, step by step. I looked into the mirror, and the initial, deep and severe loathing was later replaced by a reading. I was reading our future, looking for everyone's part.

You will be part of something great if you want to, all you have to do is take my hand. I offer you what few others can, but it is not because I am powerful. Allah is, and he has granted us the ability to do good. If I'm starting to sound like a psycho extremist brainwasher, then good, because that's how I imagined this post turning out.

That means I have good vision.
Foresight.
Divination skillz.

It also means I have temporarily lost my footing with reality, cos I can't remember what I mean to say here. Goodnight its late.

Hello,
Please say hello

Crystal blemishes

2009-08-12T00:50:00.003+08:00

The letters are appearing everywhere, too many places! Who's in charge here, will you please stop it from happening, you're driving me away from my mind. Maybe I'm a troubled mine but that only makes you a troubled friend, if you care. Please, mind the gap: why won't you leave me alone if that's what I want? I'm really happy like that, don't yank me in all directions the way you want yourself dragged around. I'd like to think I'm the luckiest person in the world with the loveliest family. Then again I want everyone else to feel the same way about themselves.

What can you do to make his life better? Was it even worse to begin with, huh.

I am the warmth that creeps through your skin, when you're hot or cold, it makes you feel better. I am the bitter drop of ink on your tongue when you reach for the sky but can't touch anything. Close your eyes and you'll know more, because seeing only contributes to the illusion. I was a cruising ship till I saw something, but I'm still cruising, and I still see it, giving me bearing. Berries on a winter morning to chase the rats away, for they've come for the papers you haven't signed.

Why do you sit and wait when there's so much waiting to happen. I'll pull you up if you will only let go. We are all children and cannot run away from it, so let's just hold hands and prance around. Its never too early to be happy and it never ends. So the next time your sky is falling, hop under mine and we'll share.

Hello,
How do you read a voice

I've go' a get meself the new one!

2009-08-09T02:29:00.001+08:00

Eh eh eh I realized that sleeping late causes me to lose track of time. Like I don't always realized its past midnight, and all the timings get mixed up and stuff.

That was completely redundant, so now I will purge my soul of the crappiness I got myself in this afternoon. At four I was supposed to just pop by SunPlaza and meet my mom there (who had gone to get groceries earlier. From An Tuck. You know this place, alright), get some Zigs then vzoom back home. I had on a t-shirt at first but it was so blistering hot, enough to make me recall the phrase panas terik, that I put on a singlet instead. I don't usually do that when I go out but I was sweating barely a minute after putting on the shirt.

JENG. JENG. JENGGGGGGGGGG. As with so many other 'short' outings, this dragged on; after getting the Zigs, turned out my uncle was dropping by. So he picked us up and guess what! Everyone's hungry so we should just go for lunch. Aha! Fish N Chicks! Cos Muma's not been there, its nearby, and we've only been there once but like the place (seriously, I like it there. I'll probably grow up and bring my cucus there one day, Ah this is where Atuk spent most of his bujang days. Wait, Atuk?!Since when are my grandchildren gonna call me Atuk?! Or will they...? :/) OK SO ANYWAY. I ended up eating there IN MY SINGLET. And berms.

So. Apek.

I had become what I disdained most; a sloppy shizzy junkamazoo who dresses like there just ain't enough clothes around, wherever he goes. Sigh.

BUT!

Mama had told me once that whatever happens, its the recovery that's most important. Like some famous actor can trip on his way up the steps to collect an award, but if he carries himself well and proud afterwards, people will remember him for that instead. So I tried to behave as normal as possible... knowing me the word normal is hardly apt, but we gotsta settle for something anyways, eh? Plus I have relli nais massels zat ver baljing aut af mai seenglet zat made it lukk smaal.

Ok no nothing like that. I've shrunk *the kids* and that's a fact, so no bulging awesomeness today. Never was HEH. OR WAS THERE. AHA. CONFUSION MUCH.

Anyways I'm sick of staying awake today I'll just scoot over to my bed and see what happens. Sleep? Yeah probably. OH YEAH NO SCHOOL TILL TUESDAY! (how does that suit you Ame, muahahahha). THAT MEANS I CAN MUG MY ASS OFF AT HOME! Shit damn noisy here alamakkkkkkk k nvm I've got solutions to every problem ciao

Hello,
We came knocking on your door once

Take the first step

2009-08-08T01:34:00.002+08:00

This is what I'm gonna do. You may wanna try it out, might work for you too.

I won't waste my energy trying to make everybody happy. My style is to not make people unhappy, but that doesn't mean I have to go around kissing everybody's ass. So I'm sorry if you don't like something I do for some dumb reason, get used to it. But you must know, I still make sure what I do doesn't harm anyone.

I will question authority as long as it needs to, because you should know by now that I am not another copy of everybody else, and no one controls me. No. One. If you're a bitch of a leader, and you're dropping shit on all of us, I'll drive a wedge up your ass. That was excessively explicit, but interestingly so. NEXT.

I do what I want, its my life, if you want something then do it for yourself. I know that some things a lot of people have done and failed at before, and so advice me to stay clear because they want to keep me safe from that hardship. Why? Being spoonfed takes the value away from everything; being able to pick out whatever you want when you go shopping, makes everything seem worthless. You don't work for it and its there, it doesn't mean anything. And because people failed doesn't mean I will. I'm not like you, remember.

I will do what I like, and grow in every way I can and want to. No damn system will keep me imprisoned; sometimes, though, the best thing to do is to go with the flow. You can't go against everything, and you don't need to. So I'll be in harmony with everything, at the same time moving where I want to. To me, being a contributing member of society is a value I treasure. I live for myself, but I care for others and I don't let my actions eat into someone else's space or well-being.

No 'maybe's and giving in to people so much. I don't like weakness and I won't be weak. If you're weak and you like it, then good. I don't wanna be in your boat when it sinks, so good luck on your journey.

I will make others happy and I will be a good person. Nothing beats being good, and making people happy makes me happy, which means in the end, I've made myself happy. That doesn't mean making just yourself happy is enough; what kind of selfish bastard just thinks for himself the WHOLE TIME EH. Confusing much? Let it pass, move on.

I WON'T DWELL ON SHIT. If something happens it happens, if I screwed up I screwed up. I'm aware of everything I need to be aware of and I've got my direction so I have to live for the now and not anything else.

I will give respect though I expect little or none in return, and I will be humble. I've never liked proud people, and I don't like making people feel small. Everyone's good at something and we're all worth a lot, sometimes it just takes someone to MAKE you realize that before you exploit it yourself.

I'm happy. I'm really really happy, and nothing's gonna get in my way. Risks are what makes life fun, so expect a lot of that if you're constantly around me. Don't think too much and just do, stop trying to act like a frackin' genius; people never got anything done by just thinking. And I'll never betray anyone, backstab, two-face, or whatever. You know that right.

There's a lot going on in my head and I think I've finally figured everything out, and I see myself doing so many things. I just hope all of you, my family and my friends, or anyone for that matter, get to escape the debilitating traps that we as a society have placed around ourselves, and always work towards making everyone else's life shit. We can all exist in unison and without selfishness, and everything is within our reach. We must not let others drive us down, and we must work to lift everyone else. If you want to be great, you will be great if you work to it.

For now its back to my current reality of A levels. But as a side note, I want to tell all of you that you must never doubt your ability to attain your desired results. All of you are smart as hell so use your intelligence as you see fit. I wouldn't be emo about anything if I were you, but you have the freedom to act your way. You do know, then, that no one ever got anything accomplished by screaming or crying; those are signs of weaknesses and you're not weak if you tell yourself so.

And since we've got so little time left, push each other on and celebrate others' successes and progress. What I have learnt is that you can only learn something well when you like it; as my father told me, you can be good at anything you want to, you just have to lose the stubbornness and adapt.

Don't take my word for anything, but give it a thought at least.

Hello,
I'd like to introduce you to yourself

i've got some ink left

2009-08-02T17:37:00.001+08:00

So now there's a chance I might be playing or sleeping after school.
No matter, I can't really blame anyone for thinking that. The important thing is he wasn't angry, but disappointed. I wouldn't have walked out alive if he had started scolding me, but he always surprises me. I'm disappointed too, and I can't let this go on. Believe me I've started doing what I can, and no, don't say there's no hope for prelims, I'll show you why.

I'm the kind of guy who would like to live for himself, but can't. I'm also the kind who cannot let people down.

There are too many people out there who are rooting for me, and believe in me for whatever reason. That's enough of a motivation for me.

Exactly like what it says on the standby screen, that's how its gonna be like, I'll make it happen. But still, don't think too much about this because when I become one of the most influential men in history you'd all be glad you ever knew me, and so would I.

Hello,
Number forty-two, its your turn to be socially responsible, good luck

PUASAAA!!!

2009-07-29T23:46:00.000+08:00

YAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYYAYAYAAYAYAYYYYYYY

RAMADAN IS APPROACHING!!!

Damn excite siak, I can't wait to start fasting again.

Besides being a beautiful month, Ramadan also means no need to bring my water bottle and lunchbox to school; less stuff in bag equals greater disposable space, which leads to higher demand for books. Since the opp. cost of studying is much lower than not, the end result is bringing more books to study. I LOVE STUDYING!!!

Now its time for shameless self-promotion: Go HERE if you haven't, and you must promise to listen... however embarassing it is for me to imagine you clicking and listening.
BUT! I think I wanna go somewhere with this singing thing, and I gots to start somewhere. Comment on my croaking/screeching/singing, I wanna know. Jangan malu-malu cos I'm never malu to talk shit about you anyways, this is a good chance to smack me in the face.

This singing thing will be left hanging till I'm free again... which may not be till a long time from now; no matter, we have time on our side, and we are all prioritizing, no? Ok break's over, time to rejoin.

Hello,
Please remove the tab from my head so I can move

screw titles

2009-07-25T02:08:00.001+08:00

I need a good slap to my face, someone give it to me! I don't need your pity or your consolations, just your palm flat against my face. Maybe that'll rock my brain hard enough to make sense out of everything, and if I'm lucky enough dollars too. Why do I think some things? From where do my thoughts spawn, who can explain them raise your hand. Though my guess is, prolonged exposure to subconscious images causes a dent in your perception of things, stretching the truth to fit what's not. Till it reaches a point where there are no lines but blurs, till you can't find your bearings.

There was no start, there is no end. We will coil ourselves around your being till fusion, till there is a greater We.
We don't need nourishment, you fuel us whether you want to or not. We require no sustenance.
You cannot peel us away, we are what you want to keep.

Melodic death metal soothes my nerves, how strange is that. Right now its... Absinthe With Faust.

Congrats to the bahasers, respek yall to the max, I swear I'm really proud of you. Do you want a more emo description? LOL.

I watched Harry Potek just now, I beg to differ from the vast majority of my friends who didn't like it. Draco didn't have many lines, because it wouldn't have worked as well. A movie isn't always the brother of a book; sometimes it's someone's interpretation, sometimes it serves as an extension of several branches. Which leads to my point; the whole emphasis on Draco's silence hit in hard the message of his condition. What he was going through, how he felt. The embodiment of the bitter teenager self-absorbed in problems, refusing assistance and toiling grudgingly on. Desperate but unwilling to take. Hah. And the missing fight scene? When I heard about it I was al wtf, but upon watching the movie, I see how it blended. Dumbledore's death was a bloody f-bomb to my face, I had to control my machoness to the MAX. It hit me REAL. HARD. My mum was in tears heh, and that made it a lot harder for me to keep back mine. WHICH I DID BY THE WAY. Though I wouldn't like to watch that scene again.

And I was really puzzled when this happened: as Dumbledore explained to Harry the task that lay ahead (finding the Whorecrux. Heh sorry.), the whole next scene flashed in my mind, like eh wait, I've seen this before? And true enough, the scene played out EXACTLY as it had been in my mind. In all honesty, this wouldn't be the first time I've had such an accurate vision of something to come, then again it could be a case of really good writing skills meets good directing. I quite liked that scene.

But I must point out how obvious the greenscreening was at some points, but to hell with it. The main problem, I guess, was the immense challenge of condensing the entire massive mother thick book into a watchable movie. Splitting it up just isn't as powerful (though I hear they're doing that for the next movie), whilst a 5 hour long movie is just bad for the eyes. Or neck if you've got a shitty seat, or whole body, cos I started getting stiff all over. I'm too big la, despite not gymming for years, I'm getting more muscular everyday. So much so I've been interviewed by numerous bodybuilding magazines. In fact I'm starting my own website soon. And be sure to check out my store, I've got shirts and training kits up.

I'm gonna sort my socks now

Hello,
I was once like me

quick one quick one!

2009-07-23T23:51:00.001+08:00

I'm surrounded by weakness, weak people, weak all of you, get me out of here

COWARDS.

I've never felt so much hate and anger so often.

I'm supposed to love all of you.

And I still and will always do that.

Why must I be such a good boy, eh?

Syaitan get out of me, I know your voice and I'm never gonna listen to you. Leave.

I'll do the right things and stay on the right path, with Allah's help. Whatever it is He never abandons you, and He knows everything.
Everything.

EVERYTHING.

So play. Nice.

Hello,
Turn around and quietly walk away

knead moor massels

2009-07-18T01:54:00.002+08:00

I've been floating around again, and here I am still awake at this unholy hour. At one point I got bored and decided to recorded more, uh, 'singing' (or whatever it approximates to) just for the hell of it. I think everything'll be on this site from now on.

GIMME SOME

Lemme just walk you through first, cos you'll need help. For some reason, the recordings are really soft again, but be careful how much you crank up da sound.

'tracks of the train' is my attempt at 'Tracks of My Tears'; my damn blocked nose and unfamiliarttm-ness of the song really doesn't do it justice, but I guess that's the best I can afford now anyway. Yeah the 'Outside I'm Masquerade' part was real funny I tried my best not to laugh, whattajerkayyam lol.

'nelayan chikopek', I think, just appeared out of nowhere; popped into my head so I gave it a go. Gosh I really wish we could do more dikir, especially since our audience always seem to lap up every bit of it. Heh.

And I think in one of these recordings you can hear me tapping away on the keyboard. Baik ah. Update: I started this post at, uh, dunno what time (you check ah aku malas), resuming it now at 2:42. Well done, boy! Yesterday slept earlier than a baby, today so tired for no reason still dowanna sleep early! BAIK AH FAWAZ!

Nehmind ah I know for a fact I'm really human, which is a step up from super human. Meaning: I'm damn frickin' awesome and powerful, yeah.

I don't mean to offend anyone but I gotta tell it like I see it, you know me, no holdin' back. So: sometimes I really can't tahan the outcome of a group of girls getting together to, eh, talk? Yeah maybe that's the right word. And two! Two is ENUFF for a group, I swear. You can hear them from miles off and sometimes it turns to an argument, I wish I could turn off my ears like I shut my eyes. But even more irritating (see girls, I'm not biased) are guys who action lembik and gentle and whatever, JUST COS THEY'RE IN FRONT OF GIRLS. I dunno, maybe some of them are convinced that the softer and more unnatural they come across, the more appealing. Whatever. I'm not gonna waste my time on this, I'll just go back to hitting the idiots when they cross my path.

SPIKKING of which. My world used to be so simple, SO SIMPLE DAMMIT. First there was ordinary facewash (you didn't see this coming now, did ya?). Then acne-clearing cream, which made sense. Then oh you need a moisturizer too, especially after you shave blah blah blah. Ya ok that makes sense. Then sekali! In comes this thing called toner. Wtf? The stuff they use in printers, ON MY FACE! That stupid joke aside, it all got arranged into this for awhile: wash, shave, toner, moisturizer.

THEN. Some stupid website I stumbled upon introduced this shit, this shit called BB Cream. In short, a euphamism for 'makeup to make you look real pretty although you don't really wanna say it, cos you're afraid the girls will get jealous or something'. Alamakkk why is it so leceh to take care of your FACE ah, whyahwhyahwhyah.

That's it, I'm going back to the basics; what I'd been doing for years before the chemical bombardment. Good ol' lighter-fluid treatment. Just spread, light, enjoy. Once you smell chicken, you know its time to stop. Then quickly jump under a cold shower, and you'll see everything bad fall off your face. It really works, don't try it.

Aha! This sounds like... advice time! Rather, sharing time. If I know something that I think helped me, I'd rather more people knew about it. Reason out for yourself, I shouldn't be spoonfeeding you. That's not what you're paying me for anyway. I'm an educator and my job is to educate.

Wear running shoes when you run, walking shoes to walk. Yeah running shoes may feel damn comfortable and spongy and whatever (most of all, it gives some loser the impression that he's remotely associated with sports, which he thinks will make him 'cool'), but they're not good for walking. Malas nak quote all the stuff here, look it up if you bother. But as always, you can take my word for it, I won't ever lie.

Lie to hurt you, that is.

Or wait, did I mean that? Ok this stops now.

In the next few posts I will also be teaching you how to sound like a 'professional'; the highest rank you can attain in society, thus earning you infinite respect, a little more height, and a good reason to walk straight. AND get away with not bathing.

'Dude you stink man!'
'Hey I can't help it, I'm a professional; gotta work when people need me, that's the life.'
'Whoaaaaa'
'Yepp...'

See that there? Professional.

Ok tothachase, the first word:

ACTUALLY

Don't be fooled by the simplicity of this word; while kindergarten students may be as familiar with it as your grandmother is, it actually holds a lot of power. It is a word of many functions. Long sentences are actually always good, because they make you sound like you've been thinking, make you sound like you're actually smart. A good professional knows he has to be smart. Also, the word allows you to reaffirm the truth of your statement, giving you the gift of Sledgehammer Speech which you must use to pound in as much power, firmness and truthfulness in your speech. Actually, the above points can be summarized in the following sentence: Hello, actually. Brilliant, the best greeting anyone can offer. Magnificent.

And I know what you're thinking, that paragraph above is the best in this entry. Ya know why? Cos I sneakily hid Actually-s inside. Actually, I'm quite cunning too.

In the next post: Client

Hello,
Welcome to your world

gimme lotsa calcium

2009-07-14T00:20:00.003+08:00

Firstly I almost panicked when I couldn't sign in twice, then I realized I tried logging in as theealshard instead of therealshard. Another glimmer of geniusness.

I spent a GOOD amount of time figuring out this stuff for physics; I conclude that scientists aren't really very creative, what with all the nu-words. Nucleous, nuclides, neutrons, neucleus... nuday nudiscovery I guess. Oh anyway I figured everything out, thank God, now I can sleep.

The stuff making the news has been RIDIKULUS (yeah Mama I agree. Yeah I know you're there. Come on, I see you... I- there! Turn around! That's me! QUICK! Alahh... portal closed. K nvm next time). But I wish to ridicule the measures so many proud institutions have taken to, uh, combat H1N1. Hini, as Glenn says it. Cute. Bah. COME ON AH PEOPLE WHY SO KIASU. Segregate everyone in all the funny places, then allow them all to congregate at the toilet, after school, and whatnot. Don't suck up to MOH or MOE and act all concerned and on-task; somewhere, someone sees through all your bullshit. I'm one of those someones, coincidentally. But if it happens to be that you're pressured into doing all this bull, then whatever; learn to speak up against bulls or bathe in its shit. Speaking of which, I must type this here because I was painfully forced to condense the sms I sent out awhile ago:

Hey classmates, in case you haven't heard the news, a lotta schools wanna step 'life is going back to normal'. And since the PE department has been ever so communicative of their plans for our PE blocks, it is my recommendation that the best course of action would be to bring your PT kits to school. Be prepared for PE, after all you can't be too prepared, you must always take appropriate measures. Shut up and take PE, don't be lame kthxbye.

While walking home, several things happen. A lesbian couple walked past, and I started thinking; some of these couples have an obvious 'guy' and 'girl'. This means guy-girl is the majority's perception of normal, of what should be. This majority includes some of these gay couples, who take on separate roles. While I have no intention to offend anyone, I would merely like to express my view that it is strange how some people fight for gay rights when they unconsciously refer back to what is supposed to be. Guy-girl. That said, this is what I think: you can be whoever you want to be, live and let live. Everyone should be happy, but that's not always possible. That's why you must always try to push for change (this applies to everything), and accept the outcome with an open mind (ironic). Though right and wrong are inevitable characters in this massive debate, this post shall not be arena to that battle today; there will be an appropriate time later.

Then I started thinking of how people call the handicapped, 'challenged' or stuff like that. Blind is visually impaired, visually challenged etc. While I find the term disabled rather harsh and very untrue, I can't help but wonder why some people do not like using the word impaired, let alone the actual reference eg. blind, mute etc. My conclusion: some find these words offensive. This 'some' comprises the sensitive un-handicapped (I won't say normal, there's nothing normal about anything), and the handicapped. Some of these sensitive people may have been told by handicapped friends about the offensiveness of such words, because some of these handicapped people do not like such terms. Yet I have a feeling that some of these sensitive people go so far as to decide for the handicapped what is offensive or not, based on their feelings. The same way someone may say 'Indian' in front of me then apologize, because he insists it is offensive.

Deciding for someone else what offends him is, at the very least, disrespectful; if you are so touchy about your relations with a person, give him the respect of speaking for himself. Stop deciding for others.

Next. A word popped up: euphemism? Do people give 'nicer' names because they feel the need to hide a 'not so nice' truth? Whatever. I think, everyone has been created in a certain way for a very special reason. No one has less than anyone, for what God doesn't give you he compensates in other ways. God is Great, God is All-Knowing, God is Fair. In short, there is no shame in saying you're blind, mute, deaf, or anything. These words simply describe a specific condition, and do no more to illustrate you as a person.

Now for a song, Tracks of My Tears. I will attempt to decipher what Smokey Robinson was really trying to say. I'll just quote a bit here...

So take a good look at my face,
You'll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, its easy to see,
The:

1. Flaps on my ears
2. Traps of my fears
3. Slaps on my gears
4. Taps of my deers
5. Jabs from my cheers

Sounds like:
Tracks of my tears.

Great misconception here, we need to incite a resolvution.

Almost reaching home, I saw a mother pushing her young child along in a stroller, teaching her how to say 'I love you'. The sweetest sight ever.

Till I yanked the baby out of the stroller and threw him on the road, then kicked the pregnant mother in her stomach, before spitting on both screaming bodies.

That paragraph was disgusting, repulsive, even I felt sick writing it. But that is the world we live in, unless we do something about it. My lie is someone else's truth.

Hello,
Your turn doesn't come in another fifty years

get me a new one

2009-07-11T02:13:00.002+08:00

They told me to eat it up but I said NO and they weren't HAPPY. SO I HIT THEM ALL, BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THEM ALL, left them lying in blood, squirming and choking for air. I cut one of their throats just cos I wanted to see the blood spurt. I didn't steal anything I wasn't even there why are you all pestering me. LEAVE ME ALONE. NOTHING, NOTHING IN MY BAG. NO I am not an imposter I'm just here to give you hell. You asked for it, now take it. I pushed a kid down the stairs, I enjoyed watching him tumble down tumblebumblejumble SPLAT and it was a mess all over the floor. Poor cleaner must have had a hard time scrubbing his entrails off the floor, only cos I rubbed them in hard before I left.

my NECK

2009-07-07T02:10:00.002+08:00

I went to bed at four something last night; well not really my bed, I decided to huddle up at the door of my study room, with my legs spilling over to the space between my, and my parents' room. I decided that sleeping at the space in front of either room would have been really nice but inconsiderate to almost everyone who would need to walk about early in the morning. Though I remember reasoning to myself that if I slept somewhere strange, it'd be easier for me to wake up for Subuh once someone trampled over me.

I woke up a lot in my sleep, and huddled and curled in different shapes before finally leaping up with a panic when my Muma (grandmother, for the uninitiated) told me it 'AY! Gonna be Asar already!'. My neck was sore from all the twisting and my head was really, really ngeh. I really can't bring myself to describe how I felt, its just so ngeh. Anyway, the rest of my post is in a different font, you'll find out later... if you're sharp enough.

What follows is a rather extensive log of the metaphysical adventures my soul embarked upon while it was supposed to leave my body to rest; neither did what they were supposed to, resulting in a rather curious and long tale I am compelled to share. Be warned though, it is extremely long and very tedious to read, you might just end up pissing yourself off. With those wards I humbly invite you to take a short trip with me:

I was in a brightly lit mosque, similar in part to An-Nahdhah, for the Friday prayers. At Azan walked over to front, saw Hakiim and a bunch of other juniors. I salamed everyone and wanted to salam but he smiled at me then turned and kept walking. So I playfully chased him to the door, nearly pushing him hard into hit, but he turned around and salamed me. Then we walked to the front still smiling, and saw Ustaz Mateen not too far away. He waved at me, I waved back. In my mind, I was like ‘Shit, he must’ve seen me running around like an idiot,’ but I kept smiling and played it cool.

I appeared in a corner of the school, I knew I had been here before again. I also knew that I would keep replaying this part of someone's, or my life, which meant I could experiment with what could happen. Someone was making this happen, but that's all I was aware of. So I went into the class, where the teacher greatly resembled the astrology lecturer from Transformers. Maybe it was him. It was forensic stuff he was teaching, CSI kinda thing. He stood at one end of the class, and there was what seemed to be a corpse laid in front of him, covered in a sheet. There were few students and we were standing opposite him. He spoke loudly, and only said a bit. At the end of that very brief lesson (that somehow felt complete) I knew I had previously told him off and walked out, and I felt that I should do the same; at the same time I wanted to try something else. It felt like an exciting risk to me. So I said I enjoyed his lecture, it was a good one. He thanked me, I said ‘Looking forward to your next class,’ at the door, he said looking forward too, and I went out. I think the whole place was supposed to flash white and restart, but it didn't, so I ran to a wall to count the markings or something. I started to panic, and ran to someplace that looks like the stadium steps.

There I found the lines, and I tried to count them, but it got kinda hard so I had to trace them with my fingers. ||||||||, lines like that. As I was counting, this girl whom I think I recognized from somewhere, sat down on the step to my left and asked me what I was doing. Mind you she was really pretty, and I remember being momentarily stunned, staring at her face. But I went back to my lines anyway. Then I said I know it looks crazy but I'm not; she insisted I was crazy. I tried to explain but ended up argh-ing, then suddenly she looked pale and said she had a fever, then she fell back. I touched her forehead but didn't feel a temperature, but I knew something was wrong. (This is like what happened in Dracula, which I was reading awhile before bed. His victims grew paler and weaker, with no signs of any known illness). I immediately ran down to the foot of the stadium and was about to run off somewhere when this crazy girl appeared behind me, apparently running from somewhere else, screaming. I also noticed it was a really bright day, and the gate I was about to push through looked like those at the public stadiums.

There were other girls around trying to stop her, she was crazy. I wanted to turn and run but I thought I had to do something to help. So I rushed to the yelling girl and grabbed her by her hands. She was screaming ‘Shaitan! Shaitan!’ and at that moment, for some reason, I thought to myself that she must be a real good actress to have said those lines, as if they were taboo. Like all of a sudden I thought this was a movie; but just as suddenly as that happened, it became my ‘reality’ once more. Someone shouted for me to throw her over the railing, I think we were a few floors up. I pushed her to the parapet and some other people grabbed her and we shoved her over. She fell, but landed on one of the sticking out shelter things a few floors down, in a sitting position. We all gasped, thinking she would survive and climb back up or something. But her body slowly tilted and soon she fell off again, landing on the ground. She started rolling extremely fast in either direction, her arms and legs stiff. She was moving at inhuman speeds but I didn’t really think much of it, I just wanted to look away from the sick scene.

I was somewhere else, surrounded by mats, that’s all I can remember. I was outside the parapet, balancing, while talking to them. Then later, I was inside all of a sudden, and Syafiq, Hijazi and Maskil, along with a few others, were there too. I was shocked when I saw Syafiq, thinking he might fall as he ventured too far out. Then I looked over and saw that where he was standing, there was still roof from the previous floor beneath him. It is only if he moved more to my right that he’d be standing above a void. Then I noticed Hijazi standing behind Maskil, positioned very dangerously, standing on nothing if I remember. So I asked Maskil and Syafiq to shift to the left to make way for Hijazi. But somehow Maskil’s movements caused Hijazi to lose balance and for a moment we thought he was going to fall off. I reached out to him but he was too far; another hand had pinched his shirt and was pulling, I moved closer and tried to grab his shirt, only pinching it too. He was wearing what felt like our secondary school polo shirt. But the two of us managed to pull him over the railing and he was safe.

I was somewhere else, just returning from someplace, with a bunch of Chinese guys. Amongst them was Marcus, my ex-classmate and some other people I think I recognize. We were headed back to our room or something, to collect our stuff before we left. I followed them back but started panicking when I couldn’t find my stuff. I was sure it was in this room, and started wondering where I could have left them instead. Then I went on the ground and searched amongst the shoes, found mine somewhere, and my bag close by. I picked up my shoes and marvelled at how much they had worn. The white Kappa canvas shoes I really own, were very worn at the heels and the surrounding area, revealing what looked like a web-like rubbery frame inside. Something to that effect, at least. Marcus said something and we all laughed, then I left the group. I reached another room, large and mostly empty, maybe a few planks lying and leaning about here and there.

There was someone sitting on the floor, eating I think. Was a mat, I can’t remember who. At first he looked like one of my juniors, I can’t remember his name, but his face kept changing the way faces do in dreams. He was talking to me about his toast, and showed me how he lined the corners with something like thin strips of duct tape so the two slices of bread would stick. I found the idea incredulous and ridiculed it to someone else who had walked in. I then took out my toast to try and explain to him something, but then I wondered if my Mom had done the same thing. To my horror she had, and so I told my friend that it just meant we had to avoid the tape-sides of my toast. All along I kept looking behind my back, expecting someone to turn up. I was also inexplicably afraid of this appearance, though I can’t remember much of it.

Then I found myself with the rest of my class, inside a 7-11, queuing to pay. I was near the back, beside an ice-cream container. Angie pointed to one of the cones and told me I should get that, I remember asking her why and she went into a short but thorough explanation, and I ended up thinking. Then my thoughts just drifted and I started looking around the shop.

I was somewhere else again. This time walking from a different area, lit by many yellow lights, to the ground level of Block H. Arif and some other people were with me, and we were heading for Cikgu Saripah who was standing near the staircase. As we drew close, Am, Akaash and Mateusz passed by, apparently heading for another lesson. I wanted to ask them where, they didn’t hear me. I think Mateusz turned around but Arif told me to sit down, we were at the right place. Cikgu drew up a chair and explained to us how she was upset that the school had allocated her this location for our Malay lesson, but we would work with what was give. To her right was a whiteboard, and she gestured to it occasionally. I remember looking quizzically at Arif, who was to my right, but he just shrugged and my thoughts wandered off again. I looked around to the left and saw in the distance some people walking off to a bus, which would take that group to their last match or something. They sure had a lotta bags to carry.

And all of a sudden I was at a corridor, that looked a lot like my old house at Khatib. In fact I used to see this corridor a lot in my dreams when I was younger; sometimes I ran fullspeed to avoid some faceless horror, sometimes I ran up the stairs and into houses, jumped to nearby blocks, crept through vents, and vaulted a few floors down. Whatever I did, the feel I got from standing at that place was always the same. My heart would always feel heavy, because a certain fear was catching up, yet I knew I was free to do anything I imagined. And the place always looks so real, so familiar, I wish it really did exist. Its like trying to hold on to an old, closely-held memory, that’s threatening to slip away. My brothers were around me and we were laughing about something, while waiting to go into someone’s house or something. Then from the far end, Am appeared, after her match (?), but in her secondary school uniform (??). I asked her how her match was but she asked me something else instead, and I can’t remember what I answered but she smiled and kept walking. Then all of a sudden the corridor had an extension, and Akaash was sitting by a corner drinking something, dressed in what he wore on my first LAN outing with the guys. I looked upstairs and noticed it was quite dark, my neighbour had a LOT of plants, they were creeping everywhere. Someone else was supposed to come, and I was getting frustrated.

Oh God now it seems like I’ve forgotten the rest of it, yet I’m half-sure I’ve gotten it all down. When I woke up at FOUR O CLOCK just now it seemed like a LOT had happened, and I was so eager to write everything down. I had been going through my dream a few times, checking that I hadn’t forgotten, and only reluctantly decided to quickly jot down the main points in a word document; then I started writing everything in detail, so I kept going. I hate this feeling, clawing at something you know is there yet isn’t anywhere to be found. At the same time you can feel it drifting away, sinking deeper into the depths of your mind, yet you can’t reach out to it. You’re screaming but there’s no sound, no one notices you struggling, no one sees that huge island sinking. This is the feeling I sometimes get when I wake up from a brilliant dream, that sometimes puts in my head the most amazing ideas, only to have everything seep through a gaping hole somewhere in my mind. Then everything is gone, and all I know is I had a great idea; I can’t prove anything to anyone, I am the only one who’s been fooled, the sole victim of an elaborate ploy out to get ME alone.

Hello,

I am scared

i was once an Autobot

2009-07-06T02:47:00.004+08:00

From the name, you geniuses can probably guess I just watched Transformers 2. By just I mean... six hours ago. Shit, time flew. Aaaaanyway, I've got stuff to say, mostly directed at some of my male friends who get all excited at the mention of a certain actress' name. Ok lah she's hot and all but come ON at some points she DID look like what I said to you she looked like! But well done to Michael Bay for squeezing as much as he could out of her (God that sounded so wrong) for sex appeal. I bet half the guys at the cinema were there cos of her; ask them later which Decepticon they found the coolest and they may well just go 'Huh what Diseporn? Huh? Contraceptive?'. All that slowmo and her pointing her ass to the camera was really unnecessary lah. I'm saying this mainly because I was sitting beside Fahim and in his usual style, would turn around and EEEEEEE at my face at all the EEEEEE scenes. At least Fauzan's grown up ah, cool about everything, muka maintain jer. But then I'll take advantage of his coolness and tease him instead, so we all have a good time in the end. Ok then let Megan Fox and any other hot actress keep doing these kinda things next time.

Oh but my Mom didn't really enjoy the movie, said the plot was kinda rubbishy and stuff. Well yeah kinda cos its a really AAAAHHHH!!! WARRRR!!! movie, so if you think you could be my Mom, don't watch the movie. I'm really very helpful, you're welcome.

Speaking of Fahim; got himself a new blog, CakeFuel. I wanted to quote his post on 'how to be a good blogger' but I decided it best for YOU to go there yourself, pemalas. Now I'll just create a lot of hype so by the time- oh you clicked the link first. Oh, um, well uh, ok then. Fine.

I can't wait to finally FINALLY start reading like crazy. When was the last time I did that, anyway? I've found lotsa good books hidden in the library and I can't wait to resume where I left off; I have this thing for leaving things half-done, like this par

And like I sometimes do, I will now proceed to dispense advice because I really am quite smart sometimes, though I'm not nearly as convinced as much as I say it. HAH take that, you. Alright, amazing advice starts here; please keep in mind that you may disagree with me, may find me arrogant (I must remind you again that I hate this and I try my best not to be an it), stupid, humorous, shallow or overly ambitious. From the deepest depths of my soul, with unmatched sincerity, I kindly want you to know that I don't really give a shit. Well! That wasn't too bad now, wasn't it? Though really unncessary, haha, I just felt like it.

Stop giving up when things get hard, push yourself to think. THINK. Nothing is above you if you try, so don't look for an easy way out. Everything is possible if only because you want it to be. That occured to me while studying quantum physics, the whole thing about tunnelling and all. If you stop trying and stop pushing, you'll end up a dumbass. NEXT! In my supremely momentary episodes of authentic confidence and self-security, I unabashedly notice that some people try and imitate me in some of the things I do, consciously or not. While I acknowledge that it really is cool being me (there you go, one of those embarassing episodes again, my apologies), and that I'm really cool (ahh, not again...), you need to watch yourself. Some things only I can do, and some things no one can do. Some things need a limit, or originality, so while its really cool to have people imitate you, it can get really annoying. Go ahead and be yourself, maybe you're not so pathetic after all.

Oh God what's wrong with me.

Let's rephrase that entire paragraph, then: Hello, friends! We're all cool and its all fun! There, that's better.

I just read a Ladybug version of Dracula... yes the illustrated, condensed editions intended for children. At the end of the book was a list of 'timeless classics'. I pondered over the list, and wondered just why these tales were so powerful. To me, its because each of them explored a certain curious theme with great depth, yet can be retold in much simplicity while retaining the original flavour and message of the story. That said, it means every waking hour means a smaller chance that I get to write a timeless classic, for I believe there are only so few main themes that can be explored in such a manner. The longer I take the higher the chance that someone else writes that story. Hahahah I sound so crazy, don't I? That's just the way I like it heh. I gotta keep the story simple, original, appealing. Sounds really easy when written like that. AW COME ONNNN.

AH! I was supposed to insult myself for a stupid mistake. Ok confession time: for a very STUPID reason that still escapes me, I confused Planck's constant with the permeability of free space. Let me illustrate this to you so you can further understand my STUPIDITY.

Planck's constant:
h = 6.63 x 10^-34
μ0 = 4π x 10^-7

HOW. DID. I. CONFUSE. h. WITH. MEW NOUGHT. The best part is, the first time I had to use h in the paper, I wrote 4 pi times ten to the power minus... hmm, seven? SO, I flipped to the formula list, looked for 4 pi and then ah! Yes it is seven; without looking at the name of the DAMN CONSTANT. BESTEST PART! I paused midway, wondering why h wasn't so small; I remembered it was damn small (kan to the power minus 34). Then I went Oh WELL, and carried on. This was the same kinda shit I occasionally did while revising quantum, which by the way, I found a lot of fun. I FOUND STUDYING A LOT OF FUN DAMMIT. SO WHY DID I HAVE TO SPOIL EVERYTHING WITH THEEEEESE STUPID MISTAKES. THEEEEEEESE BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL. OVER. MY. FKING. PAPER.

FAWAZ!!!

YOU BLOODY CHODE!

Now that everyone knows how stupid it is (already I don't have the grades to prove otherwise, bravo), I will twist everything right round and declare that this is no setback! Just a minor bump in the road; I'll keep studying, hopefully get smart, and do well for the bloody examinations. YEAH RIGHT UNFAZED. Hwalao just as things were starting to look a wee bit better... K nevermind I'll get over it soon enough, maybe once I get the paper back and get to explain to my physics tutor (who's been very patient and encouraged me a lot, by the way. Maybe she doesn't know it but I don't wanna let her down, I feel I this to her) that I was momentarily severely mentally handicapped, or something to that effect, then I'll prove my recovery by being hardworking. One thing's for sure, I can't do this alone, I'm a mess when it comes to working by myself. The good thing is that with school I'll be occupied, and surrounded by fking muggers. Fking muggers.

Best part is, I think some of my close friends are really really gonna start now, not like last time ah (ok ah study in school. Then we end up wasting some time, or we cancel in the end. HEH. That was me LOL), so I'll have some form of, eh, motivation? Honestly if someone would tell me what to do I'd do it, I swear I've got little direction in this, for so many reasons, I just need some prodding. Anything else and I've got it all covered, maybe because for that to work I must really want what I'm heading for. Yeah, again I'll say, I can't give a rat's ass about my A levels. I'm doing this for my parents and the people who love me, and just because this is the last chance I'll probably ever get to prove that I'm smart. At least not stupid, like how I feel now.

Maybe this can be something like advice! Potently wise words, then: when everyone else around you is gauging so many things through grades, you can't help but feel left out when you've got nothing to show. Who cares if you're talented; people may be amused, but it'd be quite hard to take full sail on your dreams alone, too few people care for that. In the end you're forced onto the bandwagon, and as long as you don't keep up with the rest, they'll jostle and trample all over you to get to the front, and when the front's taken up you'll be left hanging on for dear life, all the way at the back end. The backside. The ass. You're a piece of shit threatening to fall out of the anus, but the weird and horrible thing is that you'll be forced back in anyway.

Yech where the hell did that end up, God, I've really outdone myself this time.

I feel like I'm losing vocal range and control, I think I'm getting fatter, I could be shrinking, I'm not getting proper sleep, I'm really nocturnal. I'm really happy hahahahha, no, seriously. Everything that happens to me is pure bliss, aren't new experiences fun? For some reason, I'm beginning to think I've forgotten how to worry my ass off, panic, or get uncontrollably mad.

3:32, see whaddamean! Time to do something really useful before I hit the sack.

Hello,
Watch my heart melt

h! H!!

2009-07-03T04:40:00.002+08:00

I'll insult myself mercilessly for my stupid mistake today, some other time. Now I just have to say I feel really lost and stupid being up at this hour, looking for a good game.

Talking to a tipsy Boo didn't help much either.

Wth am I doing now?!?! What am I waiting for!!!

Alamak to sleep now would be damn stress also cos then I wouldn't get my baby-eight hours of sleep, hafta wake up for Jumaat. Speaking of prayers... I better do my Isya' now.

What lah Fawaz

seeherewaiting

2009-06-28T03:03:00.003+08:00

Remember the iwishishouldhaveiwill thing from some time ago? I've finally decided to put everything down, since I think I can't absorb anymore econs. Might as well get something done before I turn in, no?

I WISH
- I could speak the truth when I have to
- To know what my heart wants
- I had more patience
- I never said some things
- I really had cool mutant powers
- I was more of myself before
- To know how to show what I feel
- I'm not so sensitive towards others...sometimes; it hurts me a lot to hide so much so that someone else is happy
- I have more dreams of flying
- I was more confident of myself
- To be less insecure of myself
- Find a better word for insecurity. Oh wait found: inquassomification, nada.

I SHOULD HAVE
- Payed more attention
- Stayed in the sport
- Gymmed harder, earlier
- Started looking in the mirror more hahahahaha how ironic
- Stopped questioning, started accepting
- Shut up
- Spoken out
- Been a better son
- Muslim
- Brother
- Person
- Wizard
- Been more serious
- Done something but I've done it enough, by the way, my hands were shaking; I'd rather waste some time with you
- Not quoted the lyrics the line before
- Used nicer words all the way everytime meantime
- Been more active in drama and debates
- Loved my Nike 2000s while they were still on the shelves. There was something about that pair of shoes...
- Ran more, ran harder
- Noticed how fat I was back then
- Put some thought in choosing my glasses
- Broken so many more rules, countless times, to get away from trouble. Ironic, I know...

I WILL
- Read the Quran more
- Understand what I'm reading
- Pen all the ideas spawning in my mind ok please not now I'm having a hard time managing you lot
- Organize my WHOLE. DAMN. MUSIC FOLDER. Get all the album art, all the tags right... yeah nerdy geeky whatever I'm a perfectionist, protectionist, once in a while pianist.
- Gym harder.
- Much, much harder.
- Get bigger, faster, stronger, everythingnice-er
- Be a better person HOORAH!
- Pursue knowledge to the best of my ability
- Study hard and do well for my exams, even if its not for me. No wait its not for me. Ok lemme write this down: Mak, Bapak, I'm doing this for you; if I had a choice, I'd be doing something else, I really don't feel like I belong here. But I've convinced myself to accept what I've been given, so I will follow the path that I've been shown. If this is meant for me, then InsyaAllah I'll find success at the end of the road. Then I'll take a photo of Success, after saying Eh whassup brudder! then I'll share the photo with everyone yes that's nice of me
- Sing more, shout more, infect everyONE WITH my craziness
- SHOUT MORE ON THE CIRCLE LINE. ITS TOO NOISY DAMMIT YOU CAN'T HEAR ME ANYWAY AM I RIGHT AM I RIGHT. Bishan Interchange. Ok now its quiet I don't have to shout no more, see?
- Go. Shopping... One. Day. In a totally straight manner, I need more stuff lah come on.
- Sweet talk till I drop
- Try being less shameless
- Try constructing better sentences
- Stop acting like I care about the above two points
- Say HAH
(HAH)
- Learn songs on the guitar, more on the electone
- LEARN CHEMISTRY AFTER MY As I SWEAR CHEM IS DAMN COOL I've sat in enough lectures and tutorials to say that, you fellas better teach me during the holidays I'll bug you till no end unless you cooperate with the law. Everything you say can and will be used against you in the court. Of. Courts.
- Help people
- Help more people
- Have a cup of tea with you
- Smith.
- readreadreadread all the booksbooksbooks intha WORLD. witta kapital dabaiyyuh, PIE.
- Go and sleep now. Gosh its 3:29, WHAT HAPPENED TO MY GREAT PLANS OF RESETTING MY BODY CLOCK!!

Who knows, I may just add on to this list sometime. One thing's for sure, the Wish part isn't gonna get any longer, I'm quite happy with the things I've done; if I'd done something else, like in the Should column, things would have been better, but I'm happy with what I have now anyway. Save a few, where the should is the kind of 'You should have listened to your mother!' kind of should, like I should have done, the should should of shoulds. Seeing should so many times diminishes the meaning of the word, reduces it to a weird sound. For me at least heh.

And since I'm here, I came across this shit on urbandictionary:

Joke is a legal term denoting a common defense for violent criminal acts.

Joke arises from old English Common Law, when it was common to kill a man, shrug, and tell the Sheriff of Nottingham, "We were just joking and the clumsy prick fell onto that knife I left in his back."

The Sheriff was required by Common Law to flick the criminal's ear and tell him, "It's funny until someone loses an eye." In extreme cases, the Sheriff would require the criminal to go stand in the corner for fifteen minutes, after which he would chide the criminal, "It's not so funny now, is it dumbass?"

"Not f****** funny!"

~ Thomas Jefferson on jokes.

And since I'm still here, I'll write down some of the things that went through my head recently:

Too much social, not enough services.

If you stop and think, then realize that everything's been smooth-sailing and happy, problem-free and perfect for you, it could mean someone you love has been hiding his or her hardship because they like seeing you happy, and don't wanna spoil it.
If you're always faced with problems, then it means you've always got something to think about so you won't end up bumming and becoming a shithead. God won't give you something you can't handle, so be proud of yaself if you're faced with a mountain of a problem. Means yerra big person dammit!
So the next time you're unhappy, be happy! HAH! HAH.

You'll never be a loser forever.
But wait...When you're so bad, you can, in fact go two ways: up, or set a bew world record in lowness. You'll never be a loser forever? PSYKE!

3:52 now, bravo.

Hello,
Will you make a mistake with me?

haircut no. STOP HIDING, YOU! ME! ME? ouh

2009-06-24T00:04:00.003+08:00

I will not question. I will reveal all there is to you, against your will or not.

I am not real; the Fawaz you know is not a person, not a singularity. There is no I, neither is there a we. Fawaz is a collection of ideas, an amalgamation of your perceptions. Each one of you sees me differently; one of you thinks I'm a quiet person, another thinks I'm real funny, and someone else thinks I'm a liar. Every one of them is right; the interesting part is that although the image of me is scattered and not whole, the different fragments are linked by some similarities.

That gives some of you the illusion that I am real, that you're talking about the same person. You are, in fact, comparing two incidental similar traits of two completely different entities. The truth of it all is, I don't exist. All these ideas associated with 'Fawaz', all these thoughts about 'me', all belong to someone, or something else. They just somehow fell under the common umbrella of my name, and everyone contributed to the building of this nonexistent body, me.

Do you know me? Yes, you do. Because I am what I am to you. And I hope you aren't too attached to that idea, because it wasn't meant to last. One day that idea will cease to exist and you'll never find me. You will know that there was once this person, you vaguely remember a name, but you can't trace anything else from it. Its an empty, formless frame. I don't exist. This post you're reading here? Doesn't belong to me; who knows who it belongs to? Your impression that it is me writing, has caused it to be your reality. A stranger reading these words will see someone else hitting away on its keyboard. They will not see Fawaz, they will see what I truly am: an outline of a person, who never existed, who may never exist.

Ok no I kid. Everything up there is bullcrap. You wanna know the TRUTH truth? Well here is it: YOU'RE ALL not real. You're figments of my imagination, all of you. I just went to great length to complete you as an idea, to give you false sentience. The thoughts you have, the past you think you live, I constructed. But here's the tricky part: I didn't create you from nothing, I based you on people I really know. That makes you a copy of someone real, the real you. The real you-s exist here, with me, in our world, while all YOU other imagination pieces exist in, uh, my imagination. There is no way for you to crossover, you will end when I stop thinking.

OK NO THAT TOO WAS A LIE. EVERYTHING ABOVE THIS LINE WAS A LIE. IT WAS ALL MADE UP, NONE OF IT IS TRUE! PLEASE! YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME! GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE! I PROMISE I WON'T LIE AGAIN!

Alright, now the TRUTH TRUTH truth:

I'mstillalittlesoretirednotexactlyhungry
Haven'tstudiedenoughwannastudymorebutitsucks
BUTIknowIshouldImustIcanIalreadyhave(haha styyyle)soIwill.

I wish I knew what to do

...which coincidentally rhymes with woohoo

So many answers in one night

2009-06-22T00:14:00.003+08:00

Read every word and think deeply. I was moved, nearly to tears, but I was too man to cry (hah. maintain macho seyyy).

Allahu Akbar.
Life is beautiful; when I think about the greatness of God,
of the miracle of existence,
I can't help but feel that I'm a part of something great,
something that I belong to.

Allah is always there, when you need him or when you think you don't.
When you're lost and when all is lost,
you still have Allah.

Amantu billahi wa mala'ikatihi
Wa kutubihi wa rusulihi wa al-yaum al-akhiri
Wa al-qadri khayrihi wa sharrihi min Allah
Wa al-ba'si ba`d al-maut, la ilaha illa Allah

Faith is belief in Allah and the Messengers
The angels and the Final Day, and the holy scriptures
And to believe in destiny
That good and bad both come from Him
And the Resurrection; there is no god but Allah.

La ilaha illa Allah (x3), Muhammad Rasulullah

Allah is the creator of heaven and of earth
Nothing may compare with Him, He is the One alone
The prophets, best of humankind
Sent to all nations and all tribes
Last of all Muhammad, mercy to the worlds.

Formed of light and beauty, the angels of the Lord
To praise Allah, to help mankind,
Jibril brings the word.
The scriptures, all by Allah sent,
Torah, Psalms and Gospel then
The source of perfect guidance, the Glorious Quran.

The reckoning, the Final Day, when all will see their works
Remade in soul and body to stand before the Lord
With patience bearing every grief
With thankfulness for all blessings
We are content with destiny, the Will of Allah.

Faith is belief in Allah and the Messengers
The angels and the Final Day, and the holy scriptures
And to believe in destiny
That good and bad both come from Him
And the Resurrection; there is no god but Allah.

Then I stumbled across something else:

The great Imam ash-Shafi', he went to his teacher Waki`
Complaining about the weakness of his memory.
He told him, 'abandon rebellion, for knowledge is a light
And the light of Allah is not bestowed upon a rebel.'

Well I guess that's another answer. As the title of this post says, I found so many answers in this one night, now to find all the other answers. And no I'm not in a merepek emo mood, I'm just writing what I feel, as the Fawaz all of you think you know. HAH sempat seyyy.

I was trying to fall asleep last night then I kept thinking about the various ways a monster could creep out and... I dunno, just freak me out. Then I wondered briefly, would it be a shadow or a white thing? Even making up a ghost can be so leceh.

On a brighter note, I've been superhero-ing again. YESSS.

i'm not gonna leave that on the floor

2009-06-19T23:51:00.002+08:00

Do you know how humid it has been? Well I'll tell you, even if you do, because that's the way things happen around here. Next paragraph please.

This is how humid it is. I'm thirsty, and my glass of water has just been depleted. I want more water, but I don't have to go get some; I just raise my glass in the air, and whaddayaknow! Its full of water already. BUT just before I can drink it, it all goes back to the ayer.

Now ladies and gentlemen, the real point of all this: is the glass real?

I'll leave you to dwell on that while I go off to solve more of the world's problems CHEYYYYYYYY.

OH! NO! WAIT! First, I gotta share something. All knowledge belongs to Allah, so share it, don't keep it to yourself. Whoyouthinkyouareah?ah?ah?ah?AH!

I think I may have found a way to reset your body clock if you've been messing it up like giler... like yours truly. FOIST! Ye gadda stay up all the way to the time you WANT to wake up. For example, I wanna wake up at 6 am everyday, so on one of my screwed up days where I wake up at like 4 pm, I'll stay up to 6 am without falling asleep in between. THEN! I suppose you're supposed to sleep foist, so you don't get TOO tired and fall asleep midday then spoil everything. What I did was fall asleep to 4 pm, partly because I kinda really slipped out of this world at some points, and because the few times I woke up in between I didn't feel like getting up. (I've left out the details of my philosophical debates on destiny, purpose and the waking moments of one's life) AND THEN! You're supposed to sleep early, or at a good time. I wanted to try that today but it just faileddddd. Then again, this is all hypothetical. The only human test subject available, yours truly, is not even sure all this may work for regular human beings. He has reported strange sensations in his frontal lobe, sees lights when he closes his eyes, and finds himself staring at himself in the mirror come on ah what's this we all know you're supposed to see everyone else in the mirror.

DUH.

Ok DAH cuKOP that's eNUFF! piss out.

abuse me please

2009-06-17T00:00:00.003+08:00

I WISH

I SHOULD HAVE

I WILL
end this post here, for now