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Twinning
Written on: Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Those bouts of heavy sleeping are back. I can wake up to do important things but after that there is just no drive, and I quickly succumb to the mysterious fatigue. I don't even put up a struggle. Now it's reached a point where I don't even feel guilt or negativity for sleeping in so much. I wake up, look at the time, roll over somewhere, and go right back to sleep, allowing the comfort and peace of slumber to totally overwhelm me. I've kinda stopped trying to figure out why, too.Time: 5:58 PM I think it has affected my workout routine in the sense that I wake up late and often find myself with a window that's too small to fit in travelling and a workout, so I either skip my workout or do something else. Those 'something else's can hardly compare to a session at the gym, and I'm both puzzled and grateful that my body has somehow maintained a low body fat percentage, and, I hope, muscle mass. My weight has been around the same. My diet is totally nuts. At the back of my mind I have a target and a rough gauge of what to eat and how much of this and that, but on the surface it seems I'm eating so much of the 'wrong' things and a lotta 'weird' things. I have NO idea what's going on. Maybe I was doing the right thing for so long that it has become second nature? Araknow. What I KNOW is I'm happy with this knowledge: anytime I feel my body's going out of control, I'll just go on one or two weeks of TSPA to bring it back down. I have God to thank for my metabolism, and even though it might sound amazingly awesome, I'm still too afraid to totally let loose and go PBG all the way. I've also resigned to the fact that I'm still too young to see massive gains and dense muscles like what you see in Men. I'm still very much Boy, I think. I had a sudden breakout of 'pimples' recently (which could've been a shaving rash aggravated by suckish SCHICK SHAVING CREAM. They have disappointed me...). Either way I know I'm still not old enough to look like a bodybuilder. Haha. Being a teacher is a lot harder than I thought thought Thought it was. I'm still a rebellious student at heart, and I can't help but sympathise and empathise with my students and all the crappy experiences some of their teachers give them. I'm not an adult (NEVER WILL BE), yet I'm not 'professional' enough. I gotta learn to draw the line, but a part of me is asking: should I really? This lack-of-line is what's earned me their trust and friendship, and they enjoy my presence as well as the fact that I can listen and relate to them. But wise people have shared things with me, and I know now that I Can remain their good friend while still being a bit more 'professional' (ie. safe, in that I don't say the 'wrong' things). Its important that at the end of the day they don't just leave class happy, but leave with new knowledge that will help them BOTH academically AND in Life. Cos being in school isn't a life, its shit. I wanna make a big difference, small difference, many differences, maybe some differentiation; but I can't do everything all at once. Every desired action has to have a plan and I need to be strategic about this. What I want Can and Will happen, InsyaAllah, I just have to be patient, smart, humble, and keep learning. Labels: sharing machine, thoughts |
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