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Written on: Saturday, November 28, 2009
I'm pretty much very super nocturnal and screwed up now. I survived on three hours of sleep from 3 to six am, now I'm still up, and I'm supposed to go out the whole day tomorrow. This can only get more interesting.Time: 3:51 AM They've finally finished repairing the LHC and I'm frickin' excited to see what it can do. It better do something, cos it sure cost a ton. It'd be a great shame to all those nerdy scientists if nothing comes out of this. Shame on you in advance, just in case. I think Haliim is as interested as me, maybe more. He knows a lot. He'd understand this: there are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't. We should totally make out one day man. But now that I'm half-thinking, I can name a Muz who'd know more than binary. Maybe he solves multivariable calculus questions for the fun of it, a pastime? I do not know. I lost the plastic thing on my phone again. I found exercises to correct my rounded shoulders and I'm gonna start tomorrow. I'll post the video here soon cos sharing is caring and its good. When the heck am I gonna take my highway code and start driving license. Speaking about driving. There was this frickin' cool leather jacket I saw at Crocodile just now. The coolest shit for now. It cost like 300 bucks, it would probably be damn cool to wear that for grad night. But its totally not worth it, I don't like spending my parents' money like that. Wait till I'm damn rich, then we talk. Still, even if they would buy it for me, it'd just seem incomplete cos I don't have a BIKE. BIKE. BIKE. Which I will never ride. Hahahahha. Hint hint hint hint hint. Nahh they've made up their minds a long time ago, I guess I'll just have to make money fast enough to get a car. Think MIT blackjack team but in a completely halal way. Go figure. How the hell do you get bigger arms?! Did I mention I lost the plastic thing on my phone again. I think I'm at this stage in my life when I'm finally GROWING UP. Mental-wise, though I'm still child-like. Not childish, child-like. I'll always be like that. Then again, I've had this feeling so many times. But now, I've got better justifications. I used to look up to a lot of people; not anymore. I see through so many people I love, I hate them for their flaws but love them still. I cannot understand how they ended up that way, why they cannot change, and why they are so narrow-sighted. I don't want to be like them, even though I used to want to be them. I realize people weigh you down a lot; they cause you a lot of pain and misery, intentionally or not. Its not because people are bad, I believe we're intrinsically good. Its because its been going on for such a long time that we're so caught up in this vicious cycle, some don't bother to stop and think wtf is wrong. This is where living alone comes in, oh that very appealing idea. But then I'll have no anak2 and cucu2 to boast to, to share all my incredible stories with. Adopt children? Other children? There are many children out there who need such a figure, maybe I could be that for them. I realized today just how strong the bond between siblings are. Half the time I'm around my brothers I'm pissed at them, the most part of the other half we spend doing our own things. But when we're together, I feel this powerful connection, this energy. Its like we're strong when we're together, like we're all the same person. We're so much like each other and we love each other so much without saying. I'm on the verge of tears now. Because I know that the time we have together is limited; once we die, siblings will not see or recognize each other again. God gave us this special gift to make full use of. The time we spend on this earth is challenging, but our siblings are a secret weapon He has given us. A one-use lifeline that's worth more than you can imagine. I love my brothers so much, I wish I was more patient. I wanna be more patient. I don't wanna regret anything, they're too special to me. That's enough I gotta stop. Labels: no ligaments, sharing machine, sleeping patterns, thoughts Have fun with your friend
Written on: Tuesday, November 24, 2009
I was reading about Paranormal Activity awhile ago, and was pretty impressed with what I saw. So I shared: I read aloud that the film cost $15000 to produce but grossed like $100000000. That's a hundred million.Time: 10:50 PM But someone (I'm trying my best to be good and respectful here) had to remark: so all the idiots went to watch lah. Rule number one, don't talk about something you don't know about. Rule number two, always be nice. Rule number three, don't talk so much about others if all you can say is what people have been telling you. Bottom line, nobody fucks with me. Ok back to the movie, I'm done being pissed. I'm all for happiness, see. Truth be told, Syafiq Zul and myself were laughing most of the time, and passing, uh, comments amongst ourselves. The movie was scary, especially the last half hour of it. I think a lot of people (like some Singaporeans, the rating on GV is 3/5 wtf) can't really appreciate it cos of a lack of brains, put simply. Things work when the content delivered binds its tender threads with the streams of an audience member's thoughts. Then he understands everything, becomes a part of the movie, and allows it to grow in his noggin. THEN he can feel what's supposed to be felt, and truly enjoy the movie. Not just fuckin sit down and expect everything to be fed to his fuckin face. Which is why I enjoyed the movie. It didn't spoonfeed me, it gave me something to think about, presented in a very believable form. While I may not have pissed my pants there, the ideas and scenes from the movie are stuck in my head, and will surely start to mutate and merge with the rest of my mind, only to sink below the surface. Then when the correct trigger is pulled, the whole thing materializes as a new fear, and I get half creeped out. Half only, cos I'm damn brave. And you must always 'control handsome'. While I might be able to sleep tonight, I'm sure I'll lay wide awake some night, imagining all sorts of shit. Bravo, I liked it, I like what its gonna do to me. Now I've got another headache, what to wear for grad night. I was seriously considering going nude or maybe just an underwear or something, but everyone seems to laugh at that idea. So funny meh? I'm quite sure some tribes somewhere find that kinda attire glamorous. Ahh neeehhhmind I'll go shopping (YAYY!) (HAHAHHAHAHA) soon. I need more scary films ah. And protein. On Friday Zul convinced me to take protein, and for the most part of the night I was damn looking forward to it. But then I thought about it again, and nahhh. Its not artificial or whatever, its all good and stuff, but I think. I think, too many people take it. Its almost like you see a buff guy (think me. Ceyy tak malu sak budak nih...) and assume he takes protein. Protein = semi instant buff. So that's not what I wanna be, cos I'm so speshul and all. Like, you know, the only 'truly unique' person in the world. Like, there's no one, NO ONE else like me, and I'm doing yall a favour by existing. Ok that's quite enough, I can feel angry stares already. But just picture this. Someday in the future, if lah, IF I get interviewed by some whatever, and if I'm truly buff then, then they'll be bound to ask me things like: What's your routine? Yada yada. Then comes the killa: Do you take suppplemen- NEIIINNNN!!!! NEVAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Oh but I take vitamin C and B complex and some other Brand's thing every morning. [Insert super wide good-boy-plus-innocent smile] Then the next day, when the thing hits the press, people will choke and jump outta their socks and faint or something. BECAUSE. The headline, which is about something else totally unrelated to me, is super shocking. Just a coincidence that there's an interview with Fawaz (huh who?) somewhere in the back pages, strewn all over the place, inconsistently small font, ink smudges, half my face unprinted, maybe a big IGNORE THIS right across the affected pages. I think that's enough, I'm done procrastinating the inevitable. Good, good sleep. Hello, Ich versteh euch nicht Labels: hangar, komentatr, no ligaments, repotr Neverflicker Lights
Written on: Tuesday, November 17, 2009
I'm half thinking this is not such a good time to do it, but I've been doing it anyway.Time: 1:34 AM Doing what, Fawaz? Fixing my version of Thief 2. Dayumn, really? Why it need fixing? Well ya see my bro only did install it and run it one time, and it did that freeze thang and got all hung. Today I try, and Gawddamn? It did the same thang! No shit! I ain't playin'! So I'm all pissed off and stuff, and I'm like wuuut? So I hit them google sites, and found me a coupla places that could help. And they's sayin' stuff about hyperthreadin and modern computers and all that shit, so I'm like aite, aite, we do this one step at a taam. So I do's they say, then guess what man! What man! C'mon ya killin' me! Heh aite aite keep it cool. Well ya see, I's doin all they's askin me to do and in the end that dayumn game tells me I gat the wrong CD in! Hell no! Hell yeah! And I's checkin' it again and again, makin' sure I's got the right CD, and my eye's not playin' wit me or anythang. But dayumn dawg, the thing messed up furreal! Aw jeez, what you go' do bout' it man? Go' do? I did it, hell, I still doin it! While ya talkinna me right now? That's dope, brutha. Word. So ya see, I undeed all the thang that I wuz doing before this, and I start from scratch. The basics, you know wha'm sayin? Yeah, yeah, I feel ya. So I'm thinkin', I's gat to do some updates first, so I did. I went and looked, and whacha know, there's this update for ma graphic card. And I swear dawg, I think ma display looks a lot nicer now. And you wouldn't believe how scared I was at the installation, what with all the blue screens I've seen. Oh shit man that's gotta bite. Yeah, yeah, but I kept it cool and now its workin. So I just installed the game again, I'm gonna go head and do the rest o' the steps. Amma catch ya later and tell ya everythin I do, sos youken use it if you gotta, you know. Great lookin' out bro, I owe you. To all yall bruthas and sistas out there, keep it real, we go' come back for more tech ackshen soon yall, hang tight. Peace out. Hello, I ain' playin' foo' Labels: no ligaments, repotr MDK
Written on: Sunday, November 15, 2009
There's a ton o' games out there that need playing, and I'm gonna continue my journey but getting MDK and MDK II ASAP. BEFORE THEY DISAPPEAR FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH like, almost, The Grim Fandango. I remember seeing that game almost everywhere as I kid, but I thought little of it. Picked it up once in awhile, but never gave it the attention it deserved.Time: 12:41 AM That is a character flaw that I regret till today. NEVER UNDERESTIMATE ANYTHING and always give everything a go. The new Fawaz will not make such mistakes again, no sir. This damn cut on my upper lip is killing me, making simple things like eating, talking, even living, extremely challenging. Go away you damn cut. I think its an 8800 or 8600 GTS that'd do the trick, gotta remember that. I'm talking graphics cards, in case you're lost but very eager on understanding what I'm saying. Its bloody unfortunate that Duane's out of Singapore Idol, I always looked forward to his performances, provided I watch the damn show in the first place. He's got a good voice I tell ya. And its so unfair that the judges are always giving him crap. Florence unintentionally insulted him a few times with her stupid comments like 'classic case of zero to hero'. Florence dear, such statements imply that the recipient once fit the first adjective in your sentence. Or stupider things like 'you don't have the looks or the dunnowhat'. COME ON don't EVER say that to a person. I don't think she meant to sound that way, but you could tell that the poor kid was hurt. Besides, everyone knows you're supposed to think before you talk. Dick Lee isn't as bad I guess, although he's really afraid of a dancing Duane. Dunno why lol. But Ken, Ken's one helluva major son of a b****. His gay over-lipsticked ad aside (for the record I think the Taufik feature was cool. Take away all the portions with Ken and you have a decent ad.), he has GOT to be the most contradictory judge in the history of assholism. I caught a bit of the repeat telecast today; he told Charles (wtf Stitch?! ...really,now...) or someone not to try anything different at this stage of the competition, instead give audiences something new. As I saw it, 'something new' goes hand in hand with trying 'something different'. He's always trying to act quiet cool, always trying to sound smart. Well Ken, sometimes you are, once upon a time you were a good judge, but if you're gonna keep this up you might wanna consider improving yourself in a few areas. Firstly, if you wanna talk smart, get smart. Don't bite off too much to chew, and end up convoluting your whole comment or fumble with wrapping it up. Talk about things you can talk about, or that you can try to talk about. Secondly, you might wanna learn new adjectives as you seem so fond of them. Thirdly, this is an fking competition so give them a break, stop trying to act so terrifying and instead tell them HOW TO IMPROVE. Also, you might wanna avoid asking stupid/rhetorical questions. And if you find it hard to speak in long sentences, keep 'em short and stick to simple words. That way you avoid embarrassing grammatical errors. Duane if somehow you're reading this, I'm behind yo back man. Keep improving and keep working at your dreams. If you dowanna take exams then to hell with them! No one out there can prove that life's gonna go downhill if you don't go wit da flow (oh ya Florence darling, judge him as a competitor. Don't have to get all motherly and talk about his school and shit), in fact there are many people who go wit da flow and end up worse off. Don't give up boy. Maybe I should say something now just cause I can, also because I need to make space for new thoughts, revolutionary ideas and evil schemes. Just because I'm not your enemy it doesn't mean I'm your friend. And just cause I tolerate your bullcrap it doesn't mean I like it, or that you should carry on with it, or that I just won't hit you one day. Most of the time, you can tell a lot about how I'm feeling, from my facial expression. Take a hint, maybe take a hike if you're that irritating. Regardless, don't push me. Somehow, I find myself holding back a lot of combo, super, max-power and upgraded attacks on some people. For your own safety please do not ever break the fragile barrier that stands between you and complete destruction. Cos, like, seriously, I can destroy you, effortlessly. I'm a psychic, ninja, cyborg, mutant, wizard, supervillain, Jedi thing, what more could you ask for? I think its also apt that I tell all my friends not to wrongly terasa, cos if you fit the character-type above, it should probably be damn obvious by now. And if I'm always friendly and alive and humorous in your company then its very probable that I'm cool witcha. I was walking to school the other day, when the ice-cream man, in the distance, took off his helmet and started ringing his Ice-Cream Bell. Its a holy thing, the bugle that calls many a young trooper to the divine site of frosted cool treats. Anyway as I neared him, he looked at me and I smiled, and he smiled back and nodded. I WAS DAMN HAPPY! Seriously sia small things like smiling at a person can make such a big difference, why do people find it so hard to do so? WHEN I'm bigger and taller and whatever, I'm gonna smack people around for carrying long/dead/dull faces. Bloody irritating. I just realized I got a lot of stories about irritating people. So the sum it all up, SCREW ALL YOU IDIOTS. And, HELLO GOOD PEOPLE, MAY I JOIN YOU. I wanna be a good person hahahahhahahahahhaha. Although I realize I make a good criminal. I even LOOK like one! OH YA! Some people agree with that hehehe. MOST OF ALL, I wanna go to sleep. Now. Hello, Never be lost again Labels: komentatr, no ligaments, thoughts This just in
Written on: Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Happened awhile ago and I was tickled.Time: 12:03 AM Bapak told us a joke about Captain Hook, then I remembered another, which followed very similarly to his. Why did Captain Cook die? Bapak: Because he scratched his heart Haha no. Because he scratched his balls. Bapak, Fauzan and Fahim start laughing. Fahim: Owww now I feel pain Bapak: Hahaha that's a-hahahha. Hahahah good one. Fauzan: Hehe... eh but keka that's not a nice joke. Why not? Fauzan: Not nice la! Why must talk about all these things Fahim: But we all have what. Bapak: Ya its just a joke Fauzan: (silence for some time) Eh but why must he die! Why didn't he scratch himself with his other hand, he's not called Captain HOOKS what. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. I seriously cannot tahan sia, sometimes he says the most simplistically brilliant and funny things. I thought about this while trying to sleep... wow sleep... 4 divided by 2 can be translated to four objects divided amongst two recipients. So each of them gets 2. 0 divided by anything, is like this: you have nothing but you wanna give something to everyone. In the end they get nothing. Soooo, anything divided by zero is: you have something, and you don't wanna give it to anyone, so you're left with what you have. Apparently that's not the case. Anything divided by zero is infinity, or undefined. Either one or both, can't recall. I think I know why. Its because subtle intricacies have meticulously been crafted into the fabric of our lives, to create gentle dips and folds in it so we may be swayed to a desired conclusion. A goal of the people in power, or the influential-selfish. This is a case of the defence of selfishness. I have something. Because I don't give it to anyone, it balloons and explodes into a countless many. I am rich. I am happy. So I'll keep not giving. K whatever I relleh gotta sleep. Hello, Truncated travels To myfinity and be gone
Written on: Monday, November 09, 2009
This will make for unpleasant heavy reading, some side effects possible. Negative, maybe, but I'm not feeling those vibes. But on with it already.Time: 3:42 PM I'm sitting here staring at my paper, then getting back to typing this. I can't help but wonder if the invigilators can't see what I'm doing, or have chosen to let it pass. I did tell them something, but I didn't think it'd work this well. Either way I'm gonna keep saying what I want said, and we'll see what happens from there. Maybe someone'll tell me to stop dreaming and get back to reality. So, do you know what the reality is. The real situation I'm in, or not pretending to be in. Have I spun enough of a web to catch you somewhere? Gee this is very exciting. Now the real stories begin. HWAAAAALAOOOOOOOOOO. Heart pain to the maksimum. Yesterday Fauzan told me bluntly that I look like a skinny girl. SKINNY isn't enough, he had to say GIRL. I was shocked beyond words for awhile, I took off my shirt and went 'THIS?! YOU CALL THIS SKINNY?!' All he could say was yah you have a skinny build, you don't look big. I went to Fahim who was obviously not paying attention to what was going on in the hall, cos he was absorbed in his game (I think. Maybe he's got a super radar too araknow), and he said ya you're skinny. WHAT. WHAT? WHAT?! The worst part of it is that I was terribly affected by what they said, Fauzan even had the cheek to tell me I WASN'T EATING ENOUGH. They always think I'm on some weird diet, everything I do is strange and a subject of some mockery, and at the end of the day, I still have my insecurities to catch me when I fall. So thanks, for making me fell SO GOOD about myself. I can't help it you know, I try really hard but its just my nature. What people say about me really REALLY matters, and what people don't say or imply matters just as much. I hate it but it hasn't gone away. Just gotta live with it I guess, and keep pretending I'm fine/not fine like I've done for so long, that I can do so well. Bravo Fawaz hahahhahaha. Here I am trying to be a good boy. I try to keep the house clean, I keep things where they should be, dust here, whatever there. I go to school and I sit down and STUDY. Sometimes I really can't take it but I force myself to do it, to practice harder and to remember everything. I'm exhausted, holding back so much, blah blah blah, and so many people can easily cast so much of doubt on me. Ladies and gentlemen I present you with the new 'three hardest words to say', 'I trust you'. Now seriously. I gotta say this, please let me say this, I'm sorry and I'll get mad at myself later, and whoever can say whatever LATER. But what the F*** does everyone think I'm doing in school? Seriously, wtf? What's 'I don't know' or whatever. I'm not a fking stupid child, I know what I've got to do. This all fits in nicely with my thoughts about people. I believe people are intrinsically good, maybe simple, but we are what we are now because of other people. Sometimes good people are pulled in the wrong direction, or weighted down, because of other bad people. The worse case is if they're family, because then you can't break the bonds that tie you to something you'd rather not talk about. Think about it, and maybe you'll agree with me on this. In our society, we have so diligently built walls and set traps around ourselves, and parents lovingly cuff and shackle their children, cutting branches from the tree of their future. They streamline you to the path they were forced into, utterly convinced that everywhere else is a black hole. There exist 'anomalies', of course, people who do not fit this description. I can bravely say that these are people who are truly happy, and who live not just exist. I need to quantify this, and I'll work on my ideas more once I'm out of school. School, haha, not so much an exploration of vast knowledge rather a training camp to meet someone's expectations. Then they give you the boot and that's it. I've said some of that before. And this, to some people: to me, something I do can be pathetic to everyone, but if my mother says its good, I feel a lot better. And it doesn't matter if the whole world likes something I do, because if my mother doesn't, I'm crushed. Everything will mean nothing. That's why I get very sad when some people say some things. Whatever it is you don't have to worry about a thing Mak, I love you very much and I promise I'll take care of everyone. No one will have to worry about anything as long as I'm around, and you can count on me to get everything done. Wait and see. Someone said in school just now that they care about me, and I forgot to say thanks. I was pretty stunned, to be honest, but this is what ran through my mind: you don't know how much I'd do for all of you, in a heartbeat. Really, I'll be there for you just the same. I was thinking some more about my hypothesis, that you can tell a lot about a person from their face. I narrowed it down a bit to several distinguishable features: the eyes, mouth and head shape. I noted that people have different ways of listening to others. Some frown slightly, as I sometimes do, some listen with wide eyes. I also observed that the eyes either focus or appear to stare blank. I think this shows how the person is responding. Picturing everything you're saying, trying to feel how you felt, or trying to make sense out of it. I also think it has got to do with personality. Its very messy now, I need to work on it later. But more importantly, its when you're not talking to a person. If I'm right, people with a relatively high mental capacity usually have alert eyes, that are sharp, or have a certain look when the person's dreaming. It appears that how someone perceives the world (primarily through sight) reflects the amount of activity in his brain. Less intelligent people tend to have an empty stare, rarely focusing on anything, always looking vacant. The dreamy face of that kind of person could probably resemble someone almost dozing off, more than daydreaming. The zoning out often associated with the 'nothing box' is in fact a period where thoughts fly freely and uncontrolled, where the mind can easily pursue what it feels. Rarely is it truly empty. Enough for now. Maintain, my friends. You'll do as well as you think you can, think and feel smart, you'll be smart. Hello, Speaker beats per minute Labels: hangar, ideas, no ligaments, thoughts I'm legal. Hahahahahahaha...
Time: 12:12 AM
Thanks everyone for all the love, right back atcha a million times!Everything from this point has nothing to do with my birthday, rather I didn't get to write about it earlier. Then now got chan so must take the chan ah. To all my good friends, I wanna make sure you know that I fking love all of you. But I still can't wait to get outta school muahahahahaha. Don't worry though we have technology and I'll alwas keep a special place in my heart for y'all. Awwwwwwww how sweet... And when I rule the world...! K nvm now's not the time. To everyone, whatever you're doing, remember to always believe in yourself. There's this song by Zain Bikha, where he says Allah knows. Those two words really made me feel so much better, like an entire burden was lifted off my mind. Body and soul skali, fuyyoh. Always have faith in Him, yakin is the word. If you're not a Muslim, all the same. God is always there for us, always remember that. Whatever happens happens, and as long as you tried your best, you have nothing to be ashamed, sad or worried about. All the best my friends, stay strong. Hello, Sleep marathon approaching Labels: advice, sharing machine, thoughts Cool shit
Written on: Saturday, November 07, 2009
Whoahohoho I'm having a ball of a time here messing around with this phone. But dayumn I really really must sleep now. A levels, excite!Time: 1:51 AM See y'all on the flipside. Hello, The bedckoning Labels: no ligaments holy
Written on: Friday, November 06, 2009
shitTime: 2:07 AM The Metal Age
Written on: Wednesday, November 04, 2009
That's the name of Theif II, a game I've heard a lot about. Its old, but there's this thing about old games I really really REALLY REALLY like. I get so excited thinking about them, its like I can finally half be in a world I really wanna be in. Where everything's beautiful, things happen a certain way, where light falls off walls in some fashion. There's something about a lotta things that I'd like.Time: 12:18 AM But AAAAANYWAY I just came from Mary's (Mary quite contrary) and hahahahah I think you should read it, the first paragraph is the bombz (sialah what's happening to my english). And if you're reading this, I'm totally with you on the Jangan Pandang Belakang thing... I just never gave it such an accurate name. Go in, do, get out, move on, next paper, repeat. I'm damn excited for A levels. And thank you Internet for not fking up, even though you fked up a lot before not fking up. fk you internet. See I'm a good boy I don't speel bad werds. I wanted to write about something! GAH! HATE THIS FEELING! LOVE IT AT THE SAME TIME! CONFUSION! NOISE! CHAOS! ...dramatic silence... ORDER IS RESTORED...OR IS IT?! Wasn't that just so emotional, moving and epic. Like all those step artistic people. Coming up with all sorts of bullshit they label as art. Bullashit. Alahh I still can't remember what I wanted to write about, hisap ah aku dah nak tido ni take care study smart enjoy life SOLAT HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAH nice. Hello, Ladies and genteel men may I introduce you too Labels: no ligaments |
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