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therealshard
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PUASAAA!!!
Written on: Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Time: 11:46 PM YAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYYAYAYAAYAYAYYYYYYY RAMADAN IS APPROACHING!!! Damn excite siak, I can't wait to start fasting again. Besides being a beautiful month, Ramadan also means no need to bring my water bottle and lunchbox to school; less stuff in bag equals greater disposable space, which leads to higher demand for books. Since the opp. cost of studying is much lower than not, the end result is bringing more books to study. I LOVE STUDYING!!! Now its time for shameless self-promotion: Go HERE if you haven't, and you must promise to listen... however embarassing it is for me to imagine you clicking and listening. BUT! I think I wanna go somewhere with this singing thing, and I gots to start somewhere. Comment on my croaking/screeching/singing, I wanna know. Jangan malu-malu cos I'm never malu to talk shit about you anyways, this is a good chance to smack me in the face. This singing thing will be left hanging till I'm free again... which may not be till a long time from now; no matter, we have time on our side, and we are all prioritizing, no? Ok break's over, time to rejoin. Hello, Please remove the tab from my head so I can move screw titles
Written on: Saturday, July 25, 2009
Time: 2:08 AM I need a good slap to my face, someone give it to me! I don't need your pity or your consolations, just your palm flat against my face. Maybe that'll rock my brain hard enough to make sense out of everything, and if I'm lucky enough dollars too. Why do I think some things? From where do my thoughts spawn, who can explain them raise your hand. Though my guess is, prolonged exposure to subconscious images causes a dent in your perception of things, stretching the truth to fit what's not. Till it reaches a point where there are no lines but blurs, till you can't find your bearings. There was no start, there is no end. We will coil ourselves around your being till fusion, till there is a greater We. We don't need nourishment, you fuel us whether you want to or not. We require no sustenance. You cannot peel us away, we are what you want to keep. Melodic death metal soothes my nerves, how strange is that. Right now its... Absinthe With Faust. Congrats to the bahasers, respek yall to the max, I swear I'm really proud of you. Do you want a more emo description? LOL. I watched Harry Potek just now, I beg to differ from the vast majority of my friends who didn't like it. Draco didn't have many lines, because it wouldn't have worked as well. A movie isn't always the brother of a book; sometimes it's someone's interpretation, sometimes it serves as an extension of several branches. Which leads to my point; the whole emphasis on Draco's silence hit in hard the message of his condition. What he was going through, how he felt. The embodiment of the bitter teenager self-absorbed in problems, refusing assistance and toiling grudgingly on. Desperate but unwilling to take. Hah. And the missing fight scene? When I heard about it I was al wtf, but upon watching the movie, I see how it blended. Dumbledore's death was a bloody f-bomb to my face, I had to control my machoness to the MAX. It hit me REAL. HARD. My mum was in tears heh, and that made it a lot harder for me to keep back mine. WHICH I DID BY THE WAY. Though I wouldn't like to watch that scene again. And I was really puzzled when this happened: as Dumbledore explained to Harry the task that lay ahead (finding the Whorecrux. Heh sorry.), the whole next scene flashed in my mind, like eh wait, I've seen this before? And true enough, the scene played out EXACTLY as it had been in my mind. In all honesty, this wouldn't be the first time I've had such an accurate vision of something to come, then again it could be a case of really good writing skills meets good directing. I quite liked that scene. But I must point out how obvious the greenscreening was at some points, but to hell with it. The main problem, I guess, was the immense challenge of condensing the entire massive mother thick book into a watchable movie. Splitting it up just isn't as powerful (though I hear they're doing that for the next movie), whilst a 5 hour long movie is just bad for the eyes. Or neck if you've got a shitty seat, or whole body, cos I started getting stiff all over. I'm too big la, despite not gymming for years, I'm getting more muscular everyday. So much so I've been interviewed by numerous bodybuilding magazines. In fact I'm starting my own website soon. And be sure to check out my store, I've got shirts and training kits up. I'm gonna sort my socks now Hello, I was once like me quick one quick one!
Written on: Thursday, July 23, 2009
Time: 11:51 PM I'm surrounded by weakness, weak people, weak all of you, get me out of here COWARDS. I've never felt so much hate and anger so often. I'm supposed to love all of you. And I still and will always do that. Why must I be such a good boy, eh? Syaitan get out of me, I know your voice and I'm never gonna listen to you. Leave. I'll do the right things and stay on the right path, with Allah's help. Whatever it is He never abandons you, and He knows everything. Everything. EVERYTHING. So play. Nice. Hello, Turn around and quietly walk away knead moor massels
Written on: Saturday, July 18, 2009
I've been floating around again, and here I am still awake at this unholy hour. At one point I got bored and decided to recorded more, uh, 'singing' (or whatever it approximates to) just for the hell of it. I think everything'll be on this site from now on.Time: 1:54 AM GIMME SOME Lemme just walk you through first, cos you'll need help. For some reason, the recordings are really soft again, but be careful how much you crank up da sound. 'tracks of the train' is my attempt at 'Tracks of My Tears'; my damn blocked nose and unfamiliarttm-ness of the song really doesn't do it justice, but I guess that's the best I can afford now anyway. Yeah the 'Outside I'm Masquerade' part was real funny I tried my best not to laugh, whattajerkayyam lol. 'nelayan chikopek', I think, just appeared out of nowhere; popped into my head so I gave it a go. Gosh I really wish we could do more dikir, especially since our audience always seem to lap up every bit of it. Heh. And I think in one of these recordings you can hear me tapping away on the keyboard. Baik ah. Update: I started this post at, uh, dunno what time (you check ah aku malas), resuming it now at 2:42. Well done, boy! Yesterday slept earlier than a baby, today so tired for no reason still dowanna sleep early! BAIK AH FAWAZ! Nehmind ah I know for a fact I'm really human, which is a step up from super human. Meaning: I'm damn frickin' awesome and powerful, yeah. I don't mean to offend anyone but I gotta tell it like I see it, you know me, no holdin' back. So: sometimes I really can't tahan the outcome of a group of girls getting together to, eh, talk? Yeah maybe that's the right word. And two! Two is ENUFF for a group, I swear. You can hear them from miles off and sometimes it turns to an argument, I wish I could turn off my ears like I shut my eyes. But even more irritating (see girls, I'm not biased) are guys who action lembik and gentle and whatever, JUST COS THEY'RE IN FRONT OF GIRLS. I dunno, maybe some of them are convinced that the softer and more unnatural they come across, the more appealing. Whatever. I'm not gonna waste my time on this, I'll just go back to hitting the idiots when they cross my path. SPIKKING of which. My world used to be so simple, SO SIMPLE DAMMIT. First there was ordinary facewash (you didn't see this coming now, did ya?). Then acne-clearing cream, which made sense. Then oh you need a moisturizer too, especially after you shave blah blah blah. Ya ok that makes sense. Then sekali! In comes this thing called toner. Wtf? The stuff they use in printers, ON MY FACE! That stupid joke aside, it all got arranged into this for awhile: wash, shave, toner, moisturizer. THEN. Some stupid website I stumbled upon introduced this shit, this shit called BB Cream. In short, a euphamism for 'makeup to make you look real pretty although you don't really wanna say it, cos you're afraid the girls will get jealous or something'. Alamakkk why is it so leceh to take care of your FACE ah, whyahwhyahwhyah. That's it, I'm going back to the basics; what I'd been doing for years before the chemical bombardment. Good ol' lighter-fluid treatment. Just spread, light, enjoy. Once you smell chicken, you know its time to stop. Then quickly jump under a cold shower, and you'll see everything bad fall off your face. It really works, don't try it. Aha! This sounds like... advice time! Rather, sharing time. If I know something that I think helped me, I'd rather more people knew about it. Reason out for yourself, I shouldn't be spoonfeeding you. That's not what you're paying me for anyway. I'm an educator and my job is to educate. Wear running shoes when you run, walking shoes to walk. Yeah running shoes may feel damn comfortable and spongy and whatever (most of all, it gives some loser the impression that he's remotely associated with sports, which he thinks will make him 'cool'), but they're not good for walking. Malas nak quote all the stuff here, look it up if you bother. But as always, you can take my word for it, I won't ever lie. Lie to hurt you, that is. Or wait, did I mean that? Ok this stops now. In the next few posts I will also be teaching you how to sound like a 'professional'; the highest rank you can attain in society, thus earning you infinite respect, a little more height, and a good reason to walk straight. AND get away with not bathing. 'Dude you stink man!' 'Hey I can't help it, I'm a professional; gotta work when people need me, that's the life.' 'Whoaaaaa' 'Yepp...' See that there? Professional. Ok tothachase, the first word: ACTUALLY Don't be fooled by the simplicity of this word; while kindergarten students may be as familiar with it as your grandmother is, it actually holds a lot of power. It is a word of many functions. Long sentences are actually always good, because they make you sound like you've been thinking, make you sound like you're actually smart. A good professional knows he has to be smart. Also, the word allows you to reaffirm the truth of your statement, giving you the gift of Sledgehammer Speech which you must use to pound in as much power, firmness and truthfulness in your speech. Actually, the above points can be summarized in the following sentence: Hello, actually. Brilliant, the best greeting anyone can offer. Magnificent. And I know what you're thinking, that paragraph above is the best in this entry. Ya know why? Cos I sneakily hid Actually-s inside. Actually, I'm quite cunning too. In the next post: Client Hello, Welcome to your world gimme lotsa calcium
Written on: Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Firstly I almost panicked when I couldn't sign in twice, then I realized I tried logging in as theealshard instead of therealshard. Another glimmer of geniusness.Time: 12:20 AM I spent a GOOD amount of time figuring out this stuff for physics; I conclude that scientists aren't really very creative, what with all the nu-words. Nucleous, nuclides, neutrons, neucleus... nuday nudiscovery I guess. Oh anyway I figured everything out, thank God, now I can sleep. The stuff making the news has been RIDIKULUS (yeah Mama I agree. Yeah I know you're there. Come on, I see you... I- there! Turn around! That's me! QUICK! Alahh... portal closed. K nvm next time). But I wish to ridicule the measures so many proud institutions have taken to, uh, combat H1N1. Hini, as Glenn says it. Cute. Bah. COME ON AH PEOPLE WHY SO KIASU. Segregate everyone in all the funny places, then allow them all to congregate at the toilet, after school, and whatnot. Don't suck up to MOH or MOE and act all concerned and on-task; somewhere, someone sees through all your bullshit. I'm one of those someones, coincidentally. But if it happens to be that you're pressured into doing all this bull, then whatever; learn to speak up against bulls or bathe in its shit. Speaking of which, I must type this here because I was painfully forced to condense the sms I sent out awhile ago: Hey classmates, in case you haven't heard the news, a lotta schools wanna step 'life is going back to normal'. And since the PE department has been ever so communicative of their plans for our PE blocks, it is my recommendation that the best course of action would be to bring your PT kits to school. Be prepared for PE, after all you can't be too prepared, you must always take appropriate measures. Shut up and take PE, don't be lame kthxbye. While walking home, several things happen. A lesbian couple walked past, and I started thinking; some of these couples have an obvious 'guy' and 'girl'. This means guy-girl is the majority's perception of normal, of what should be. This majority includes some of these gay couples, who take on separate roles. While I have no intention to offend anyone, I would merely like to express my view that it is strange how some people fight for gay rights when they unconsciously refer back to what is supposed to be. Guy-girl. That said, this is what I think: you can be whoever you want to be, live and let live. Everyone should be happy, but that's not always possible. That's why you must always try to push for change (this applies to everything), and accept the outcome with an open mind (ironic). Though right and wrong are inevitable characters in this massive debate, this post shall not be arena to that battle today; there will be an appropriate time later. Then I started thinking of how people call the handicapped, 'challenged' or stuff like that. Blind is visually impaired, visually challenged etc. While I find the term disabled rather harsh and very untrue, I can't help but wonder why some people do not like using the word impaired, let alone the actual reference eg. blind, mute etc. My conclusion: some find these words offensive. This 'some' comprises the sensitive un-handicapped (I won't say normal, there's nothing normal about anything), and the handicapped. Some of these sensitive people may have been told by handicapped friends about the offensiveness of such words, because some of these handicapped people do not like such terms. Yet I have a feeling that some of these sensitive people go so far as to decide for the handicapped what is offensive or not, based on their feelings. The same way someone may say 'Indian' in front of me then apologize, because he insists it is offensive. Deciding for someone else what offends him is, at the very least, disrespectful; if you are so touchy about your relations with a person, give him the respect of speaking for himself. Stop deciding for others. Next. A word popped up: euphemism? Do people give 'nicer' names because they feel the need to hide a 'not so nice' truth? Whatever. I think, everyone has been created in a certain way for a very special reason. No one has less than anyone, for what God doesn't give you he compensates in other ways. God is Great, God is All-Knowing, God is Fair. In short, there is no shame in saying you're blind, mute, deaf, or anything. These words simply describe a specific condition, and do no more to illustrate you as a person. Now for a song, Tracks of My Tears. I will attempt to decipher what Smokey Robinson was really trying to say. I'll just quote a bit here... So take a good look at my face, You'll see my smile looks out of place If you look closer, its easy to see, The: 1. Flaps on my ears 2. Traps of my fears 3. Slaps on my gears 4. Taps of my deers 5. Jabs from my cheers Sounds like: Tracks of my tears. Great misconception here, we need to incite a resolvution. Almost reaching home, I saw a mother pushing her young child along in a stroller, teaching her how to say 'I love you'. The sweetest sight ever. Till I yanked the baby out of the stroller and threw him on the road, then kicked the pregnant mother in her stomach, before spitting on both screaming bodies. That paragraph was disgusting, repulsive, even I felt sick writing it. But that is the world we live in, unless we do something about it. My lie is someone else's truth. Hello, Your turn doesn't come in another fifty years get me a new one
Written on: Saturday, July 11, 2009
They told me to eat it up but I said NO and they weren't HAPPY. SO I HIT THEM ALL, BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THEM ALL, left them lying in blood, squirming and choking for air. I cut one of their throats just cos I wanted to see the blood spurt. I didn't steal anything I wasn't even there why are you all pestering me. LEAVE ME ALONE. NOTHING, NOTHING IN MY BAG. NO I am not an imposter I'm just here to give you hell. You asked for it, now take it. I pushed a kid down the stairs, I enjoyed watching him tumble down tumblebumblejumble SPLAT and it was a mess all over the floor. Poor cleaner must have had a hard time scrubbing his entrails off the floor, only cos I rubbed them in hard before I left.Time: 2:13 AM my NECK
Written on: Tuesday, July 07, 2009
Time: 2:10 AM I went to bed at four something last night; well not really my bed, I decided to huddle up at the door of my study room, with my legs spilling over to the space between my, and my parents' room. I decided that sleeping at the space in front of either room would have been really nice but inconsiderate to almost everyone who would need to walk about early in the morning. Though I remember reasoning to myself that if I slept somewhere strange, it'd be easier for me to wake up for Subuh once someone trampled over me. I woke up a lot in my sleep, and huddled and curled in different shapes before finally leaping up with a panic when my Muma (grandmother, for the uninitiated) told me it 'AY! Gonna be Asar already!'. My neck was sore from all the twisting and my head was really, really ngeh. I really can't bring myself to describe how I felt, its just so ngeh. Anyway, the rest of my post is in a different font, you'll find out later... if you're sharp enough. What follows is a rather extensive log of the metaphysical adventures my soul embarked upon while it was supposed to leave my body to rest; neither did what they were supposed to, resulting in a rather curious and long tale I am compelled to share. Be warned though, it is extremely long and very tedious to read, you might just end up pissing yourself off. With those wards I humbly invite you to take a short trip with me:
I was in a brightly lit mosque, similar in part to An-Nahdhah, for the Friday prayers. At Azan walked over to front, saw Hakiim and a bunch of other juniors. I salamed everyone and wanted to salam but he smiled at me then turned and kept walking. So I playfully chased him to the door, nearly pushing him hard into hit, but he turned around and salamed me. Then we walked to the front still smiling, and saw Ustaz Mateen not too far away. He waved at me, I waved back. In my mind, I was like ‘Shit, he must’ve seen me running around like an idiot,’ but I kept smiling and played it cool. I appeared in a corner of the school, I knew I had been here before again. I also knew that I would keep replaying this part of someone's, or my life, which meant I could experiment with what could happen. Someone was making this happen, but that's all I was aware of. So I went into the class, where the teacher greatly resembled the astrology lecturer from Transformers. Maybe it was him. It was forensic stuff he was teaching, CSI kinda thing. He stood at one end of the class, and there was what seemed to be a corpse laid in front of him, covered in a sheet. There were few students and we were standing opposite him. He spoke loudly, and only said a bit. At the end of that very brief lesson (that somehow felt complete) I knew I had previously told him off and walked out, and I felt that I should do the same; at the same time I wanted to try something else. It felt like an exciting risk to me. So I said I enjoyed his lecture, it was a good one. He thanked me, I said ‘Looking forward to your next class,’ at the door, he said looking forward too, and I went out. I think the whole place was supposed to flash white and restart, but it didn't, so I ran to a wall to count the markings or something. I started to panic, and ran to someplace that looks like the stadium steps. There I found the lines, and I tried to count them, but it got kinda hard so I had to trace them with my fingers. ||||||||, lines like that. As I was counting, this girl whom I think I recognized from somewhere, sat down on the step to my left and asked me what I was doing. Mind you she was really pretty, and I remember being momentarily stunned, staring at her face. But I went back to my lines anyway. Then I said I know it looks crazy but I'm not; she insisted I was crazy. I tried to explain but ended up argh-ing, then suddenly she looked pale and said she had a fever, then she fell back. I touched her forehead but didn't feel a temperature, but I knew something was wrong. (This is like what happened in Dracula, which I was reading awhile before bed. His victims grew paler and weaker, with no signs of any known illness). I immediately ran down to the foot of the stadium and was about to run off somewhere when this crazy girl appeared behind me, apparently running from somewhere else, screaming. I also noticed it was a really bright day, and the gate I was about to push through looked like those at the public stadiums. There were other girls around trying to stop her, she was crazy. I wanted to turn and run but I thought I had to do something to help. So I rushed to the yelling girl and grabbed her by her hands. She was screaming ‘Shaitan! Shaitan!’ and at that moment, for some reason, I thought to myself that she must be a real good actress to have said those lines, as if they were taboo. Like all of a sudden I thought this was a movie; but just as suddenly as that happened, it became my ‘reality’ once more. Someone shouted for me to throw her over the railing, I think we were a few floors up. I pushed her to the parapet and some other people grabbed her and we shoved her over. She fell, but landed on one of the sticking out shelter things a few floors down, in a sitting position. We all gasped, thinking she would survive and climb back up or something. But her body slowly tilted and soon she fell off again, landing on the ground. She started rolling extremely fast in either direction, her arms and legs stiff. She was moving at inhuman speeds but I didn’t really think much of it, I just wanted to look away from the sick scene. I was somewhere else, surrounded by mats, that’s all I can remember. I was outside the parapet, balancing, while talking to them. Then later, I was inside all of a sudden, and Syafiq, Hijazi and Maskil, along with a few others, were there too. I was shocked when I saw Syafiq, thinking he might fall as he ventured too far out. Then I looked over and saw that where he was standing, there was still roof from the previous floor beneath him. It is only if he moved more to my right that he’d be standing above a void. Then I noticed Hijazi standing behind Maskil, positioned very dangerously, standing on nothing if I remember. So I asked Maskil and Syafiq to shift to the left to make way for Hijazi. But somehow Maskil’s movements caused Hijazi to lose balance and for a moment we thought he was going to fall off. I reached out to him but he was too far; another hand had pinched his shirt and was pulling, I moved closer and tried to grab his shirt, only pinching it too. He was wearing what felt like our secondary school polo shirt. But the two of us managed to pull him over the railing and he was safe. I was somewhere else, just returning from someplace, with a bunch of Chinese guys. Amongst them was Marcus, my ex-classmate and some other people I think I recognize. We were headed back to our room or something, to collect our stuff before we left. I followed them back but started panicking when I couldn’t find my stuff. I was sure it was in this room, and started wondering where I could have left them instead. Then I went on the ground and searched amongst the shoes, found mine somewhere, and my bag close by. I picked up my shoes and marvelled at how much they had worn. The white Kappa canvas shoes I really own, were very worn at the heels and the surrounding area, revealing what looked like a web-like rubbery frame inside. Something to that effect, at least. Marcus said something and we all laughed, then I left the group. I reached another room, large and mostly empty, maybe a few planks lying and leaning about here and there. There was someone sitting on the floor, eating I think. Was a mat, I can’t remember who. At first he looked like one of my juniors, I can’t remember his name, but his face kept changing the way faces do in dreams. He was talking to me about his toast, and showed me how he lined the corners with something like thin strips of duct tape so the two slices of bread would stick. I found the idea incredulous and ridiculed it to someone else who had walked in. I then took out my toast to try and explain to him something, but then I wondered if my Mom had done the same thing. To my horror she had, and so I told my friend that it just meant we had to avoid the tape-sides of my toast. All along I kept looking behind my back, expecting someone to turn up. I was also inexplicably afraid of this appearance, though I can’t remember much of it. Then I found myself with the rest of my class, inside a 7-11, queuing to pay. I was near the back, beside an ice-cream container. Angie pointed to one of the cones and told me I should get that, I remember asking her why and she went into a short but thorough explanation, and I ended up thinking. Then my thoughts just drifted and I started looking around the shop. I was somewhere else again. This time walking from a different area, lit by many yellow lights, to the ground level of Block H. Arif and some other people were with me, and we were heading for Cikgu Saripah who was standing near the staircase. As we drew close, Am, Akaash and Mateusz passed by, apparently heading for another lesson. I wanted to ask them where, they didn’t hear me. I think Mateusz turned around but Arif told me to sit down, we were at the right place. Cikgu drew up a chair and explained to us how she was upset that the school had allocated her this location for our Malay lesson, but we would work with what was give. To her right was a whiteboard, and she gestured to it occasionally. I remember looking quizzically at Arif, who was to my right, but he just shrugged and my thoughts wandered off again. I looked around to the left and saw in the distance some people walking off to a bus, which would take that group to their last match or something. They sure had a lotta bags to carry. And all of a sudden I was at a corridor, that looked a lot like my old house at Khatib. In fact I used to see this corridor a lot in my dreams when I was younger; sometimes I ran fullspeed to avoid some faceless horror, sometimes I ran up the stairs and into houses, jumped to nearby blocks, crept through vents, and vaulted a few floors down. Whatever I did, the feel I got from standing at that place was always the same. My heart would always feel heavy, because a certain fear was catching up, yet I knew I was free to do anything I imagined. And the place always looks so real, so familiar, I wish it really did exist. Its like trying to hold on to an old, closely-held memory, that’s threatening to slip away. My brothers were around me and we were laughing about something, while waiting to go into someone’s house or something. Then from the far end, Am appeared, after her match (?), but in her secondary school uniform (??). I asked her how her match was but she asked me something else instead, and I can’t remember what I answered but she smiled and kept walking. Then all of a sudden the corridor had an extension, and Akaash was sitting by a corner drinking something, dressed in what he wore on my first LAN outing with the guys. I looked upstairs and noticed it was quite dark, my neighbour had a LOT of plants, they were creeping everywhere. Someone else was supposed to come, and I was getting frustrated. Oh God now it seems like I’ve forgotten the rest of it, yet I’m half-sure I’ve gotten it all down. When I woke up at FOUR O CLOCK just now it seemed like a LOT had happened, and I was so eager to write everything down. I had been going through my dream a few times, checking that I hadn’t forgotten, and only reluctantly decided to quickly jot down the main points in a word document; then I started writing everything in detail, so I kept going. I hate this feeling, clawing at something you know is there yet isn’t anywhere to be found. At the same time you can feel it drifting away, sinking deeper into the depths of your mind, yet you can’t reach out to it. You’re screaming but there’s no sound, no one notices you struggling, no one sees that huge island sinking. This is the feeling I sometimes get when I wake up from a brilliant dream, that sometimes puts in my head the most amazing ideas, only to have everything seep through a gaping hole somewhere in my mind. Then everything is gone, and all I know is I had a great idea; I can’t prove anything to anyone, I am the only one who’s been fooled, the sole victim of an elaborate ploy out to get ME alone.
Hello, I am scared
i was once an Autobot
Written on: Monday, July 06, 2009
From the name, you geniuses can probably guess I just watched Transformers 2. By just I mean... six hours ago. Shit, time flew. Aaaaanyway, I've got stuff to say, mostly directed at some of my male friends who get all excited at the mention of a certain actress' name. Ok lah she's hot and all but come ON at some points she DID look like what I said to you she looked like! But well done to Michael Bay for squeezing as much as he could out of her (God that sounded so wrong) for sex appeal. I bet half the guys at the cinema were there cos of her; ask them later which Decepticon they found the coolest and they may well just go 'Huh what Diseporn? Huh? Contraceptive?'. All that slowmo and her pointing her ass to the camera was really unnecessary lah. I'm saying this mainly because I was sitting beside Fahim and in his usual style, would turn around and EEEEEEE at my face at all the EEEEEE scenes. At least Fauzan's grown up ah, cool about everything, muka maintain jer. But then I'll take advantage of his coolness and tease him instead, so we all have a good time in the end. Ok then let Megan Fox and any other hot actress keep doing these kinda things next time.Time: 2:47 AM Oh but my Mom didn't really enjoy the movie, said the plot was kinda rubbishy and stuff. Well yeah kinda cos its a really AAAAHHHH!!! WARRRR!!! movie, so if you think you could be my Mom, don't watch the movie. I'm really very helpful, you're welcome. Speaking of Fahim; got himself a new blog, CakeFuel. I wanted to quote his post on 'how to be a good blogger' but I decided it best for YOU to go there yourself, pemalas. Now I'll just create a lot of hype so by the time- oh you clicked the link first. Oh, um, well uh, ok then. Fine. I can't wait to finally FINALLY start reading like crazy. When was the last time I did that, anyway? I've found lotsa good books hidden in the library and I can't wait to resume where I left off; I have this thing for leaving things half-done, like this par And like I sometimes do, I will now proceed to dispense advice because I really am quite smart sometimes, though I'm not nearly as convinced as much as I say it. HAH take that, you. Alright, amazing advice starts here; please keep in mind that you may disagree with me, may find me arrogant (I must remind you again that I hate this and I try my best not to be an it), stupid, humorous, shallow or overly ambitious. From the deepest depths of my soul, with unmatched sincerity, I kindly want you to know that I don't really give a shit. Well! That wasn't too bad now, wasn't it? Though really unncessary, haha, I just felt like it. Stop giving up when things get hard, push yourself to think. THINK. Nothing is above you if you try, so don't look for an easy way out. Everything is possible if only because you want it to be. That occured to me while studying quantum physics, the whole thing about tunnelling and all. If you stop trying and stop pushing, you'll end up a dumbass. NEXT! In my supremely momentary episodes of authentic confidence and self-security, I unabashedly notice that some people try and imitate me in some of the things I do, consciously or not. While I acknowledge that it really is cool being me (there you go, one of those embarassing episodes again, my apologies), and that I'm really cool (ahh, not again...), you need to watch yourself. Some things only I can do, and some things no one can do. Some things need a limit, or originality, so while its really cool to have people imitate you, it can get really annoying. Go ahead and be yourself, maybe you're not so pathetic after all. Oh God what's wrong with me. Let's rephrase that entire paragraph, then: Hello, friends! We're all cool and its all fun! There, that's better. I just read a Ladybug version of Dracula... yes the illustrated, condensed editions intended for children. At the end of the book was a list of 'timeless classics'. I pondered over the list, and wondered just why these tales were so powerful. To me, its because each of them explored a certain curious theme with great depth, yet can be retold in much simplicity while retaining the original flavour and message of the story. That said, it means every waking hour means a smaller chance that I get to write a timeless classic, for I believe there are only so few main themes that can be explored in such a manner. The longer I take the higher the chance that someone else writes that story. Hahahah I sound so crazy, don't I? That's just the way I like it heh. I gotta keep the story simple, original, appealing. Sounds really easy when written like that. AW COME ONNNN. AH! I was supposed to insult myself for a stupid mistake. Ok confession time: for a very STUPID reason that still escapes me, I confused Planck's constant with the permeability of free space. Let me illustrate this to you so you can further understand my STUPIDITY. Planck's constant: h = 6.63 x 10^-34 μ0 = 4π x 10^-7 HOW. DID. I. CONFUSE. h. WITH. MEW NOUGHT. The best part is, the first time I had to use h in the paper, I wrote 4 pi times ten to the power minus... hmm, seven? SO, I flipped to the formula list, looked for 4 pi and then ah! Yes it is seven; without looking at the name of the DAMN CONSTANT. BESTEST PART! I paused midway, wondering why h wasn't so small; I remembered it was damn small (kan to the power minus 34). Then I went Oh WELL, and carried on. This was the same kinda shit I occasionally did while revising quantum, which by the way, I found a lot of fun. I FOUND STUDYING A LOT OF FUN DAMMIT. SO WHY DID I HAVE TO SPOIL EVERYTHING WITH THEEEEESE STUPID MISTAKES. THEEEEEEESE BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL. OVER. MY. FKING. PAPER. FAWAZ!!! YOU BLOODY CHODE! Now that everyone knows how stupid it is (already I don't have the grades to prove otherwise, bravo), I will twist everything right round and declare that this is no setback! Just a minor bump in the road; I'll keep studying, hopefully get smart, and do well for the bloody examinations. YEAH RIGHT UNFAZED. Hwalao just as things were starting to look a wee bit better... K nevermind I'll get over it soon enough, maybe once I get the paper back and get to explain to my physics tutor (who's been very patient and encouraged me a lot, by the way. Maybe she doesn't know it but I don't wanna let her down, I feel I this to her) that I was momentarily severely mentally handicapped, or something to that effect, then I'll prove my recovery by being hardworking. One thing's for sure, I can't do this alone, I'm a mess when it comes to working by myself. The good thing is that with school I'll be occupied, and surrounded by fking muggers. Fking muggers. Best part is, I think some of my close friends are really really gonna start now, not like last time ah (ok ah study in school. Then we end up wasting some time, or we cancel in the end. HEH. That was me LOL), so I'll have some form of, eh, motivation? Honestly if someone would tell me what to do I'd do it, I swear I've got little direction in this, for so many reasons, I just need some prodding. Anything else and I've got it all covered, maybe because for that to work I must really want what I'm heading for. Yeah, again I'll say, I can't give a rat's ass about my A levels. I'm doing this for my parents and the people who love me, and just because this is the last chance I'll probably ever get to prove that I'm smart. At least not stupid, like how I feel now. Maybe this can be something like advice! Potently wise words, then: when everyone else around you is gauging so many things through grades, you can't help but feel left out when you've got nothing to show. Who cares if you're talented; people may be amused, but it'd be quite hard to take full sail on your dreams alone, too few people care for that. In the end you're forced onto the bandwagon, and as long as you don't keep up with the rest, they'll jostle and trample all over you to get to the front, and when the front's taken up you'll be left hanging on for dear life, all the way at the back end. The backside. The ass. You're a piece of shit threatening to fall out of the anus, but the weird and horrible thing is that you'll be forced back in anyway. Yech where the hell did that end up, God, I've really outdone myself this time. I feel like I'm losing vocal range and control, I think I'm getting fatter, I could be shrinking, I'm not getting proper sleep, I'm really nocturnal. I'm really happy hahahahha, no, seriously. Everything that happens to me is pure bliss, aren't new experiences fun? For some reason, I'm beginning to think I've forgotten how to worry my ass off, panic, or get uncontrollably mad. 3:32, see whaddamean! Time to do something really useful before I hit the sack. Hello, Watch my heart melt h! H!!
Written on: Friday, July 03, 2009
I'll insult myself mercilessly for my stupid mistake today, some other time. Now I just have to say I feel really lost and stupid being up at this hour, looking for a good game.Time: 4:40 AM Talking to a tipsy Boo didn't help much either. Wth am I doing now?!?! What am I waiting for!!! Alamak to sleep now would be damn stress also cos then I wouldn't get my baby-eight hours of sleep, hafta wake up for Jumaat. Speaking of prayers... I better do my Isya' now. What lah Fawaz |
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