moved entries persons timewarp |
therealshard
say: fawaz as complete as it gets
please refrain from using
. credits
Icon: LJ/sixthmile |
moved
|
fifteen, going on 20 very soon
Written on: Sunday, May 31, 2009
This argument of sorts is going to be very much one-sided. I figure that complete biasness is the best way to get your audience thinking about your writing, to induce a thoughtful response from an otherwise possibly unquestioning audience. Besides, haven't you got the spheres to stand solely for what you believe in, and not say things just to please the opponents? With much haste now, let me begin:Time: 2:55 AM Life as seen through many adults is not what it is supposed to be, but what they've been forced into thinking. Other adults who have been incurably infected by the virus that is The System, as well as those consciously exercising much conscious influence to sway the mindsets of the majority for one reason or another, are behind this unfathomable common paradigm. The mindset that there is only one sure way in life, and that your wildest childhood fantasies, your every whim, fancy and aspiration, can never be met. That the whole world is conspiring against you, so you always have to up your game and step on people because that's what everyone else is doing. Someone told me I can't have the many occupations I want. She said its nearly impossible, and that I should pick the one I'm most passionate about and focus on it. I don't care, really, and I'll stick to my plan however childish it may seem to some. I will be what I want to be, and when I am, I'll round up every soul that once believed my dreams were unachievable. We'll then sit down and have a nice chat over why they're such shallow dreamers, over a cup of hot tea. Will you eventually be forced into their deep pit of self-restraint and closedmindedness? OR ARE YOU ALREADY ONE OF THEM. You know, you could always choose to be part of the evergrowing, priveleged group of farsighted people who know no boundaries, who see no task as impossible. You can have everything you've ever wanted, if you really want it. The world is yours if you're brave enough to step out of the zone you're in, the zone you may think of as already being outside your comfort zone. That, my friend, is your secondary comfort zone. Don't expect me to spoonfeed you with real examples of people who have made it big the way I want to. You're here at my blog. You have an internet connection, can type, and so can search for yourself (: To those of you with your heads still above the water, take pity on those who have sunken into eternal blindness. Be the light that they once saw, and rescue them from their miserable fate. If all of us dare to take big risks, and if we're selfless enough to assist one another, nothing is without our reach. Fraternity: that is what we need; ironically, that is what we're most afraid off and avoid at all costs. It doesn't hurt to do the right thing for someone who's made a stupid mistake. To me its our duty to stand up for those who are abused, even if its not physical abuse. I say that because I had a heated argument with two very important people in my life and a further conversation with a third loved one has left me no further from my initial stand. I realize this post must sound so much like something out of a propaganda pamphlet. An unfortunate resemblance, if I say so myself. Everytime I'm about to change, maybe for the better, I'm pulled back in. I'm not naive, I'm mature enough to reflect on my decisions. Have faith, all of you, and let me go. I won't mess up and I won't turn out to be a disappointment; I have only your best interests at heart, however selfish I may appear at times. I am fully capable of steering myself back to the right path when the road gets slippery, and I only ask that you keep your faith in me strong, as you've done on countless occasions. Don't leave me here like that, I need you as compass. I know they sometimes hold back because they're afraid and unsure, but I'm trying my best not to be that. I can't stay in this spot forever, where are they when I want them the most? Whatever the decision I'll gladly accept it, as crazy as it sounds. Who am I talking to when I blog? Sometimes its the people I'm writing about, mostly its the faceless stranger reading my post. The whole concept of facelessness makes it easier for me to let everything out, without the worry of unwantedly inciting the wrong response from someone I know. People don't always just blog because they want attention; sometimes you need to let something out, you need to know someone is listening, even if it is just a stranger who won't give a care. Its 3:24, I should get to sleep. I can't come up with anymore excuses, I no longer have a reason to stay awake. Besides, I don't wanna wake up too late (I'm still open to the possiblity of waking up late heh. Sleep's good!) on another beautiful day. Yes, life's beautiful and you better enjoy every second of it. You know for you won't get a second chance, and there ain't no rewind button. Its been on record ever since you landed your ass here, so be a good sport and take everything within your stride. When the stop button's finally hit, they're gonna rewind the tape and screen it for all to see. Oh so you gotta be a good person to aha! I'm starting to sound like someone's grandmother. No, not even grandfather; the way I've writtin most of this post I don't even deserve the basic honour of being addressed properly hahahahaha. Maybe its the space adventures, amybe its all the crack, could also be the speed demons. Maybye I just needa sleep! the realistic optimist
Written on: Tuesday, May 26, 2009
I'm much stronger now...Time: 10:49 PM ...because I was pathetically weak before. Be thankful, there's always someone who's got it worse off... ...tell everyone to laugh at him instead. Treasure what you have... ...its so little compared to everyone else anyway. Don't be embarrassed by your flaws... ...people have gotten used to your overwhelming imperfection. Love your body! Don't go for plastic surgery! It won't work on you anyway. Your parents really love you... ...now that they've convinced themselves that you aren't exactly a 'mistake' anymore. The glass is half full... ...gosh you're thirsty, aren't you? The glass is 1/3 full... ...hah its 2/3 empty You're beautiful! When you stand beside a trashcan. 'We're all in this together, ok?' Who are you kidding, you'll get all the blame anyway. I was thinking (again). Maybe arrogance could get me through my JC life, seeing as to how I really really really hate being part of this system. Like, I could tell myself: alright, I'll humour these people and study and do well cos I can; this is just a warm up for when I really start my life. Yeah it could work, but I'll end up being a bastard hahahaha. Which leads us to the conclusion! You need a policy package to solve the problem from all aspects. Boy am I suddenly looking forward to studying. Seriously, its beginning to creep me out a little. 2/3 yeah baby!
Written on: Sunday, May 24, 2009
I really dowanna take a bath now cos I'm luvin' my body's smell. No I don't stink I just like my scent. Seriously, you'd probably like it too. And bathing means moving and standing and all that! Leceh ah siak... sometimes.Time: 11:42 PM I was out just now, and saw a sign. So I mound my step; and ended up kicking the 'mind your step' sign instead. How very appropriate. I dunno why but I've lost a lot of drive to get my schoolwork done? Though a part of me feels, stronger than ever, the urge to sit down and do math. There's another part that really really wants to read. There's a sliver of an econs being somewhere there, but the one for physics is barely visible DAMN. A levels, seriously? If there's a will there's a way, right, so what is my will here. Come on, think, THINK! I think... ...I will shower now. i'm blogging haha
Written on: Saturday, May 23, 2009
I went to watch Wolverine again, just now, this time with my family. I can quite confidently announce to the whole wide wonderful wheee water wildlife woke world that I've memorized the entire script, and can do a one man re-enactment of the film, but check this: in two thirds the duration of the film! Ain't that just hungry!Time: 2:00 AM Now, you can read about peoples' complaints about the lousy CGI and cameos and stuff elsewhere; what needs to be said has been said, I won't be an extra (cheese on my burger please). (I'm getting lamer, I know, God please help me) Shit I just stretched and my whole bloody elbow gave a mighty crack; I'll talk more about my cracks later, seriously. I'll just say the good stuff, cos you can never get enough of something good, whatever your approximation of good is (sound familiar?). Firstly, you know I have to say again that Hugh Jackman's body is da bomb in this movie. Whole lotta respect for him, especially since he has sharp-as-hell claws. His acting was definitely good; so were Liev Schreiber (Creed. Damn style sial), Danny Huston (Stryker. Seriously made me wanna smash his face in), Lynn Collins (Logan's wife, who in my opinion, gets hotter the more you look at her), Taylor Kitsch (Gambit, who was severely underused), Ryan Reynolds (Wade Wilson. Hey, double aliteration!), Will i Am (John Wraith), and Troye Sivan (young Logan) and Michael James-Olsen (young Creed). It may seem like an overly long list, but it is in my opinion that these actors did a good job in their roles (this includes working with whatever support that was lacking), or have much potential. Though now I'm starting to think twice about the short appearances; while it left us craving for more, it certainly was highly amusing to see well-known comicbook heroes portrayed on the big screen. And it certainly opens up many more possibilities for the future, though risking being a constraint assuming further productions may be forced to consider deviating from the old movie's (this movie's) interpretation. Yes that was an unnecessarily long sentence. This won't turn into a review; not my kinda thing, especially at this time of the night (2.19 am, makkkk). Though I must express my severe dismay upon watching the same ending after waiting out the credits. I got the lame ending; lame, why? Because you don't get to see someone feeling for his freaking decapitated head THAT'S WHY! Eh and all you people complaining about Deadpool's sealed mouth, shut up. Haha the irony. In that secret ending, his mouth is opened. HE CAN TALK AGAIN. Yeah the merc with the mouth blah blah blah. I'm now (was, rather) reading a remotely interesting article; I can't remember the big words used so I'll just say its got to do with monkeys. Here, take a look if you give a shit. Oh and the cracking! This is gonna be totally good for nothing in your life, so you might just wanna get out of my blog now hahaha. Though that voice in you wants to keep reading (I planted that voice there, that voice is me) (that could also imply that I watch you sleep at night! LOL how warped is that). Okay anyway about cracking; it was somwhere mid-last year that my chest occasionally cracked (sounds more muffled than when you crack your knuckles) especially when I kinda stretched out during squats and deadlifts. And soon it became a part of my life; now I can crack by just reaching for the sky, and there's a subtle satisfaction in hearing that noise. Being delusional, it gives me the impression that I'm growing, my chest is expanding and I'll then be satisfied with my gymming. For around five seconds, that is. But just the other day, I found it nearly impossible to crack my chest. And though when it first started happening I was worried, I felt the same way when I couldn't do it! This set me thinking about a whole lot of things, which I have neither the energy nor patience to share with you, dear reader. But I'm happy to announce that its been cracking away as per normal, and I'm once again dancing along the boundary of satisfaction. Which brings me full circle to the initial thought that spurred an internal debate not too long ago: should I proceed to rest my severly sleep-deprived being or do whatever it is I can do if I don't? I had lofty plans of going to sleep at 10/12 but it looks like my plans have failed as usual (its 2:32 now). Is there any point in staying up, anyway? Ok I will, I must try to reverse the shitty effects of screwing up your body clock. Kids, remember now: never screw up your body clock like Uncle Fawaz did. Its bad for you, and it makes you a stran- AAAHHH! GET AWAY FROM ME! OK I DIDN'T MEAN IT! YES YES I WILL NEVER COME HOME LATE AGAI- AAAAHHHH!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING NONE OF THIS IS MAKING ANY SENCE GET LOSTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!! I will leave you with something I came up with. The 'voices in my head' thing is getting waaay too old... ... so say the voices in my head. I need lotsa shuteye, its so weird I established this undeniable fact 5 hours ago. BAIK AH KRIS ALLEN
Written on: Friday, May 22, 2009
Time: 12:09 AM Ya I know I was an Adam Lambert fan and all but daymn, KRIS ROCKS! The more I watched him the more I think he deserves the title. And Simon, you're a bastard. I used to think you were cool. Now you're just a bastard. BUT KRIS! Damn humble some more, respek ttm. You got my support all the way wherever way is man. Kara! Baik ahh. So, Kris, as the American Idol, what are your first plans for global reform? kablam
Written on: Tuesday, May 19, 2009
I realized something at math just now.Time: 1:20 AM Permutation. Per mutation. Sialah (Yeah Syafiq you were right about it appearing here hahaha) And I have to share this interesting story of how I hurt myself sleeping. See I was on the couch, and midsleep I decided I wanted to prop my legs and kinda curl them. But they kept sliding across the sofa, so I stuffed my left foot into the space between the two seat cushions, leaned my right foot against it, and comfortably fell back to slumber. I think it was three hours later that I awoke, and frickin' ass did my ankle hurt like crazy. Come on ah I had to wear an ankle guard at home cos I SLEPT. I'm happy that I've been hitting the gym again. I've gotta hit more, hit harder. Awhile back I was thinking, about how I perceive problems and such. And over the past days, maybe especially today, I realize (again) that I'm very blessed. Blessed with a loving family, fully functional body, supportive friends, and most of all a damn nice body HAH ok sorry. Ya Allah, thank you for blessing me with so much love, I am truly grateful; the more I think of how lucky I am, the more I realize how undeserving I've behaved on many occasions. And like some other posts, this one will stay here as a reminder. To keep me in check when I find myself questioning too many things. I'm going through a very tough phase in my life. I've never felt this low and worthless before, and everywhere I look I see people sneering at me. Even the iron plates have been extra unforgiving; I can't bear the burdens I used to carry with me. I stare at myself in the mirror and wonder who's looking back! I read the previous sentences and think to myself how much more dramatic this can be! I look at the length of this paragraph and I think its enough bullshit! I wanna laugh but uh I kinda realized this isn't very funny... though its been a complete load of fiction hahahah. I'm sorry I just had ideas and they escaped me. Ok now the real thing. They told me that I had to do it, because I was the older brother. Who was my older brother then? Who was I supposed to turn to? Then it hit me; I didn't need anyone like that, and I already had all the support I needed. If I am meant to be the pillar of strength, then so be it. A kickass pillar I will be. Am I strong? You bet I am. Am I ever fazed by life's challenges? More often than you think. Here's where I'm doubtful. Is it my choice to be strong, or have I been blessed with this strength? I think about thinking, and I will say here that I am never inclined to pity anyone. I always see myself in their shoes, not wanting pity, doing fine with whatever I have. I believe we can be strong no matter what kinda mess we're in; and so I dangerously tread the border to arrogance. But I'll choose to believe that I've been blessed with strength. That puts me in a humbling position, gives me all the more reason to be patient and understanding. Not everyone is made equal, and it is up to us to help those who lack what we don't. I still won't pity though; pity is pathetic, it just scrapes deeper the pit of sorrow you're in. You may feel some warmth as it lingers around you, but you're ultimately left more alone and in deeper darkness. Still. We always have a choice as to what we want to be. I look at my problems and realize how small they are compared to many people; some of whom live in this household. So whatever challenges block my way I'll smash through. Whatever I'm supposed to do I'll do. Whenever I'm hungry I'll eat. You bet I will, I've been eating nonstop for the past few days and believe me its been working strange wonders. I really should get to bed now, the coffee-placebo (I drink coffee :( I so dowanna grow up. NEVAH! I WILL NEVER GROW UP!) effect is wearing off and I should've blacked out a looong time ago. Compensating for lost hours of slumber across the weekend is never a good idea; that is all the wisdom I can offer you hahahaha Intermission
Written on: Friday, May 15, 2009
Time: 10:42 PM 5 . 15 . 09 Happy Fawaz Lock Day, everyone In memory of Fawaz's MasterLock. 5-15-9, the perfect combination. It will live on in our hearts, even if the lock itself might have been recycled into that soft drink can. let me scribble just this little bit
Written on: Thursday, May 14, 2009
I finally hit the gym today, man did it feel GOOD. I learnt a lot too, from the super cool instructors (dang didn't get their names, some other time then). Everyday you learn something, but you won't if you keep quiet and hold everything in. Make mistakes, for God's sake.Time: 12:05 AM There was this guy on the bus who asked me to move in first cos he was alighting next. I said shore. I wanted to say bye to him before he left, cos that's what Fawaz would do; he said it first. How come cool people like him don't come by so often? All I see around me are grumpy people, selfish with words and courtesy. Bro, respek. Sometimes I feel like the person who does everything that ensures he loses what he holds most dear. It scares me, yet I'm puzzled and intrigued. I won't go further. I'm slowly finding out what kinda person I am. I listened to my recording of Mad World and I couldn't tahan hahaha. Maybe cos I'm not sick now, or I've been singing a lot (too much), so I'm getting used to hitting the high notes. Listen here, you. Everyone can sing, its just whether you're brave enough to give it a try and keep doing it till you get it right. Again I'd like to thank my lonely childhood; hours of solitude in that dark corner can do wonders for you. I wanna get big, bigger than now, bigger than what I see myself as. But I'll stop when its approaching *&#%-ness. Time for lotsa changes: blog address, email, glasses (scratches appearing from NOWHERE), many other things. Am I changing, or am I finally becoming the person I've wanted to be? THINK! That was directed to myself by the way. I want to be involved in another drama. I was about to type some more. This is getting nowhere, I've run out of avenues to distract myself from my work. Irony is, I didn't wanna be distracted in the first place. I'm gonna finish everything by 1230. Pendinding
Written on: Sunday, May 10, 2009
Post-production blues already aye.Time: 1:46 AM EXCO: I love you guys to bits (Arina this means you too, you went through lotsa shit with us too ok and tarian must have been one massive headache. After your R Project we'll be a full EXCO again WOOHOO!). I told many people, we're like a hive mind: one mind, many bodies. Words fail, dammit. (everything now in alphabetical order) Arina: This is not restricted to drama (which you did a LOT of before you got busy, I remember)! Ok first I gotta lah you're a damn cool person hahaha. I know for a fact you did a good job drilling the tarian people cos honestly, I was scared shit when I once heard you scream at them at the dungeon, respek. And I must thank you for rolling your eyes when my lameness melampau hahha, its a good reason for me to stop. Haris: You kick ass bro, dunno what I'd do without your sometimes at mentel ideas and suggestions and stuff. Haha its funny how I can kinda count on you to lepak liddat but before it gets out of hand you'll get up and do what's supposed to be done, dragging us all along lol. And you're like the literal fighting spirit of the team, whole day nak gaduh and when that happens we all get hyped up. But seriously lah peace all the way ANY day lol. Maryam: I've heard you rant so many times sometimes I think I almost tend to sound like you. See ah almost tend, I still don't talk like a girl. You shake off stress like nothing! At least that's what I see. And thanks for wanting to push me off the ledge, it means a lot to me. You're an awesome vice pres! Oh and thanks for translating so many things; and I can't work without your 'alahh just _______ sudah' advice hahahhahah. Nazlyna: Towards the end there were quite a few 'Saya tidak mampu's hahah but you still did everything in your usual awesome manner. Till today I don't understand how you come up with your super power plans/minutes/dunno what all; damn organized and done up in record time. And thanks for reminding me to do important things that should not be forgotten at all costs but somehow manages to escape me lol. Nurul: Ok I guess you're expecting this but you're a damn fast worker! Without your scaryness when the going gets tough I guess no one will pull their act together. Respek for directing even after soccer matches and getting kicked all over hahaha. And you gotta be proud of how you explode (for a super short while) when you're super stressed cos the timing damn perfect and it WORKS! Hahaha ok NCC lol (carried forward from shoulders and biceps, hours ago heh.) Sadikin: I gotta thank you to the max for coming down to drama pracs cos you were damn cool and in control and you knew what you were doing, it made everyone feel extra confident. And I gotta say, I have lotsa respect for ya; in sec 4 you were my president, and I learnt so much from you and try to emulate your decisiveness and totaaallyyy in controlness. And thank God you can argue without pissing people off, or we would all have been pushed around ttm hahaha. OK CAST! (oh shit this list damn long and its friggin 4AM NOW! Cus I ended up watching a hell lot of Ownage Pranks vids halfway through the start of this post heh.) Ok sorry this is gonna be shorter so let it also be known that beneath these words lies my great love for all of you. Remember ah if anyone kacau you call me up I'll smash their face hahahahha. Afiqah - Your acting suddenly became damn impressive from impressive, and we all loved it! And I observed that you can control laughter damn well hahaha SKEEL! Aida - My dad thinks your voice was damn convincing hahaha. Good effort acting stressed, I really thought you had lost it on stage especially when you started screaming heh. Filzah - You're also another convincing mother, Halim Hans Husaini Liyana Nazyra Qayyum Said Saiful Sheila Syatirah OK SHIT 4:47, was distracted AGAIN. SOMEONE MIGHT BE WAKING UP SOON AND I HAVE MADRASAH LATER ARGH. SHIT! now i earthbend, too
Written on: Wednesday, May 06, 2009
This just came to my mind, cos I always step a lot of things I'm not... yet.Time: 12:18 AM Sample 1 of Step Famous Dramatic Writer: I was the one you used to laugh at as a child, I'm the child you still laugh at. Cool right right right think about it set your mind f r e e. i'm really very very happy
Written on: Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Time: 12:46 AM Too much, I'll summarize: mmhmm. I'm looking forward to the tomorrows, and now, sleep. EXCO drama class fellas i can airbend
Written on: Saturday, May 02, 2009
I sat at the computer table, and rested my feet on a pair of socks. Yesterday's socks.Time: 1:33 AM Hmm yesterday. I was daaaamn daaamn daaaaamn mother tired and sleepy, but I convinced myself to stay awake, till 3plus am, to watch more and more Avatar. The only reason why I went to sleep in the end was cos I had to piss real bad. I would have gone earlier, but I knew I wouldn't come back to the computer once I left it. It takes piss to get me away from the screen sometimes? Ouch. I'm up again, the same tiredness coming back. And this time I have pissed; time fer ya to show whacha can do eh, discipline? Now that I've seen what Hugh Jackman looks like, I'm convinced I can get that kinda big almost-scary sialah kinda body. I always thought it'd be impossible, or hard, for me cos I've got narrow shoulders blah blah blah. In fact I'm quite convinced now I've got a good body heh, how egoistic is that? Wow I'm such a bastard, it feels interesting WOW!. Thank God its Saturday tomorrow, I'm just not in the mood for madrasah tomorrow. This is how I would feel if it were a Sunday: I wake up to the lights of day, unrested from the previous night. I sit up and take in the carelessness of the sky's decor, writhing my mind from the tangles of sleep. I suppress a grunt which eventually levels a village. I get off my bed into a world of chaos. The floor screams as my feet leave deep scars. The curtains of my mind flutter wildly as the scent of a thousand shattering glasses leaves me shaken. I don't try to dismiss the meteor shower, but the quivering jelly on the plates of time creep across my face. The music plays as the last sheep steps onto the sinking ship, and I can't help but wonder: how many stars will the faces step on before outnumbering the infinite possibilities of the day ahead? This is strange but I was afraid of coming home just now, I thought everyone would be mad at me or something. Guilt by previous association, or my fear of doing something wrong. I feel like I owe too many people too many things, and I don't wanna disappoint. Please don't bother sympathizing with this, its the only thing that keeps me from doing anything wrong. I love it, its a part of me, I am NOT suffering. Neither am I angry at anyone, I reread that line and it sounds real angsty; no no no no no no no no no naaaaaaaah its supposed to approach laughy. Lauffy. Laffy. Laffi lafi lafy lafe laf lflalfalflafl. I just realized how frickin useless the nail clipper I bought is: no hole to put a chain through (come on its so small its bound to get lost in my bag. I still have old shampoo bottles and warranty papers inside ah, don't play play), no filing thing (I don't, but who knows when you'll need to), no metal things jutting out at the bottom to make sure the thing doesn't slide out of place, the knob-thing that holds the only separate piece is too small or maybe the opening of the piece is too big, but anyway it moves around sideways too much. At least the bloody thing was sharp ah, or I would have killed someone just now; listen here, I know I don't have claws yet, but a dream of mine confirmed that I can airbend. And airbend well. And in that dream my grandmother said I waterbended too, so I guess I can. I'm gonna grow up to live all my childhood fantasies. Heck my whole IS (not will be, I've chosen my path heh) a fantasy! People will look to me in awe and say stuff like 'shit I wish I could fly like Fawaz' or 'oh my God Fawaz shot a sonic blast through the moon?'. People are gonna quote me, and books will be written in my honour. Hahahahhaha I better stop this its making even me feel like puking. Which by the way is really fun, I've not puked in a long time I forgot how it feels but I remember its really satisfying. You get to see everything you've eaten and its colourful and powerful and everything else. You mustn't down anything AT ALL for 20 mins after you puke, by the way. It'll just come out. YES, even that innocent glass of water. YAH AND THAT SWEET TOO, YA PIECE OF SHIT PUT IT DOWN WEAKLING. Dammit I wanna watch ONE episode; I WON'T! NOT TONIGHT, NO! BLOODY HELL! ITS NEARLY 2 AM! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE SLEEPING DONCHA DONCHA DONCHA DAMMIT I GOTSTA WAKE UP EARLY TOMORROW EH WAH THE BUILT IN DICTIONARY DOESN'T SPELL CHECK CAPITALIZED WORDS. Moral of the story: write in upper case if you wanna make a point and then later avoid embarrassment, by blaming a typo on the spell check. I've really gotta go now my bed's calling out to me hell yeah that's freaking me out but I must give in to sleep it beckons has been and will keep at it. Before I forget, she hates this part right here. And the more I look at her, the hotter I think she is. But they like her sister? We'll all have second thoughts I bet. |
moved
|
persons
|
timewarp
|