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therealshard
say: fawaz as complete as it gets
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lotsa things mean lotsa things
Written on: Saturday, September 27, 2008
today was my last paper, but i didn't feel the expected rush of freedom i'd expected. not even now, when i know i can stay up for as long as i like, and scare the shit out of myself with penumbra.Time: 1:01 AM this sucks cos i know there's nothing left to worry about, yet i'm still in the same state i was before and during my exams. i've thought about it: maybe i've not been getting enough sleep so i'm still screwed i knew i could have done better for some papers all through the preparation i tried not to think about the last day, just in case i got my focus all wrong. and maybe because of that, i don't know what to feel now that it's here. but that just DOESN'T SOUND RIGHT. i hate this feeling and i want it to end NOW. and one more thing. i'm gonna keep studying through the holidays, and this time, i really really mean it. being in my secondary school (i hate what it's become) for four years has had a big impact on me. i think the absence of major consequences allowed me to slack off a LOT, to the point of being able to do just the right amount of something, just so i can scrape through. it's scary, and i wish i hadn't been that way. NOW, there's this looming consequence of sorts: my A levels. it's gonna be 100% unscrewuppable and i think i'm starting to feel the seriousness of ze situation. i've got no time to waste; at the same time i've got plenty to catch up, move on, and have fun. i HAFTA make good use of my holidays. HAFTA. and i really really wouldn't wanna see my friends who were from different sec schools, start to adopt the complacency i had when i was in ahem. us ahem boys had 4 years to slack all we want, and i think now that that phase's completely over, we're getting serious. the opposite probably holds for the others, though to a certain extent (cos they confirm didn't mug their asses off all four years. that's just INSANE- ly nerdy.) and now i'll proceed to tell you, dear reader, that my next posts will be very disjointed and possibly boring. i'm guessing they'll evoke (am i using the word correctly here? hope so) a distant sense of pissifaction and emptiness deep in your mind, once you've read them; cos you'll realize you didn't gain anything. summat like that. k whatever i'll proceed with the random (i'm starting to dislike this word) things that crossed my mind these few weeks or so. Unwelcome visitor that follows the loved one home, be gone, this house is not yours to tread. (actually got a lot more in my head but it gets damn religionny and weird to phrase. heh.) * no offence to lit students (aka litters. i was one so you kant say i'm being totally unfair here), but whenever they host anything, they tend to repeat each others' lines. WHY?! k i give you live demonstration: 1: welcome to the drama festival! 2:yes, welcome! he's 2, 1: and he's 1, 2: and we'll be your hosts for the day. (and from here on, its mostly impromptu. HAHA.) (ok i'll skip forward to somewhere in the middle of the programme, at the part where they buy time for the next item) 1: SO! 2! have you heard of the dingelberg? 2: the dingelberg? 1: yah the dingelberg 2: have i heard of the dingelberg? 1: OMG. don't tell me you don't know what the dingelberg is. 2: OMG i don't know what the dingelberg is? i hope you get what i mean. or maybe now that i've mentioned it, you'll subconsciously analyze them hosts next time. AND probably notice what i talked about. * Zeroth law of thermodynamics: A loves B and B loves C so A loves C * I am related to all the relatives of my family members. my family members are related to me, so i'm related to myself. in other words, fawaz is my relative. HAH. * when you want that person around, just cos you know he'll perform worse than you, so you won't look so bad. you KNOW that's at the back of your mind, pushing it further won't help; it'll go so deep you won't be able to get rid of it when it comes back to haunt you. if you've got the conscience. or at least self respect (for not lying to yourself i guess) * if you want something done, OPEN YOUR MOUTH. * my planner has quotes for every month. one of them: aim high. even if you fail, you'll still be highwait. what HIGH is this? the high on ganja type of high or the high up in the sky type of high. my bets are for the first. cos when you do something tough you get stressed, so you smoke pot. * did you know, if you stare hard enough at something... you'll get tired. * when i look at these kids and how they behave, i'm disgusted. then i wonder: was i ever like that? then i sigh cos a nagging part of ma head sez yez. and that's the beauty of life, ladies and gentlemen. * it's scary that i voluntarily (VOLUNTARILY!) drank (eww) coffee (ewwwwww) the other day (SIGH). and the worst part of it all was... that... i enjoyed it. NO. NO NONONONONONONO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! WHYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! coffee is an adult thing! something adults get hooked to cos there's barely anything else to look forward to in life! I! DON'T! WANT! TO! BE! A! GODDAMN! ADULT! there's a difference between maturing and becoming an adult (YHECK). i don't wanna be a lame lifeless hopeless enjoyless(REAL enjoyment, not golf... or... stocks or... EMPTY CONVERSATIONS) freak. that's really unfair to many fun adults but that's adult to me. why else is 'adulterated' a negative connotation? heh? heh? can't beat that, can ya! oh man this coffee thing is getting to me... * i had lotsa other thoughts, mostly those you get when you see something. i should probably write them down next time. BUT THEN i'll become an idiot. so i won't. i'll stop here for now. i guess you're saturated. and i'm exasperated. people were emancipated. after this line i would have departed. |
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