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therealshard
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Written on: Thursday, September 10, 2009
READER! This will be one MOTHERLONG post, I warn you. AND it doesn't help that blogger's being a real pain in the ass again, and somehow ScribeFire can't connect to my blog on this com... the vunders of tecknalogy.Time: 11:23 PM Story time again! Thought of during my short workout + shower + fragments of the day. He wanted to be alone and he finally got his chance. It was very late, chilly, and quiet unlike how it usually is. He hated it so much in the day when he was surrounded by them, hated their noise their antics their irritating behaviour. What good is calling somewhere a home when you feel so miserable in it. But now it was just him, the silence to himself. Everyone was fast asleep. He took his time to walk about the house, making sure everything was in order; the iron had to be turned off, the windows closed, all the leftovers in the fridge. At last, he stepped into the toilet to wash himself. He tread softly to his room where he pulled a prayer rug from its rack, and set it in the living room. He stood for a moment in silence, then lifted his hands and prayed the night prayer. He was focused and put all his soul in it. When he was done, he sat for awhile. Then taking a deep breath he lifted his hands and begin to pray again, supplications, in his own language. He asked for good health, for protection, the usual. Then towards the end he began reciting a verse begging God for forgiveness. Thrice he read it, like they usually do. It didn't feel enough. He recited it again, again and again, until all of a sudden he was overwhelmed with emotion. In the dead of night, it seemed like it was just the clear sky between him and God, and he felt so small. As he begged again and again he started crying, harder and harder till he could not breathe. He tried so hard to suppress his wails and ended up sobbing madly. He lowered his face in shame and begged again and again! How dirty he felt! He could not bear to show his face to his Creator, not after all he had done. So much had been given to him, yet this was what he was. How unworthy, how small, how pathetic! FORGIVE ME! YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN FORGIVE ME, PLEASE DO NOT ABANDON ME! He cried harder still and struggled to keep reciting his prayer in between gasps for breaths and suppressing his loud crying. His face, hands, shirt, all wet in tears yet the tears kept pouring out. Oh how he wanted to wash himself clean of all his sins, how he so wanted to be loved. Without His love, there was no meaning. He was so afraid, so terribly afraid, and so desperate. And even in this state of guilt, when he stripped off all his wrongdoings and lay them in front of him, to show Him what he had done though He already knew; to admit his wrongs and think about His wrath, he felt a warm comfort. He was drained, exhausted beyond words. But he felt it, the feeling you get when a loved one lifts your head gently by your chin, to stare you in your eyes and tell you its alright. His lips quivered and he let out a final stream of tears. He walked slowly into the master bedroom, where his wife lay sound asleep. He stood at the foot of the bed and watched her breathe slowly. She looked so innocent and loving, the same face he fell in love with 5 years ago. The same face he still loves so dearly. He took a step forward and brushed aside her fringe to take in the full beauty of her features. He kissed her on the cheek and walked out. He opened the door to his son's bedroom and hesitated for a moment. His son was 18... but it was still his son. He knelt by his side and took a long look at the boy's face, taking in the features. My eyes and my lips, his mother's cheeks and nose. He was a beautiful child and he could not ask for more. Another kiss. Lastly, he pushed open the door to his parents' bedroom. They were fast asleep, calm and at peace. Even in the darkness he could see the wrinkles on their faces, from years of hardship, caring and love. They had given so much for so many things, especially him. Two more kisses. But that wouldn't do. He told himself, in the morning, I will tell each one of them how much I love them. K end of emo story, did you cry? I hope you did! And if you know someone who cries over these kinda things, make 'em read it! I wanna make people cry hahahhaha. You do know I don't mean it that way right right riiiight. Alright another one, not as refined as the story. Its all ideas now, I gotta weave the words later on. Make it into a poem or something. Here goes: What is love? It is the cane that caresses the rascal The sweetest medicine for every ailment It is the sleep that sets upon the largest armies That brings warring nations to their feet Then makes each of them feel alright Before making them embrace real tight The destroyer of ridges, The creator of bridges A child that tugs gently At the sleeve of a wrongdoer The butterfly that dances merrily Its beauty like no other It is the warmth that keeps you comfy And the chill that keeps you cool The sunshine that lifts your spirit And the music to correct your mood It is a sword, it is a mace It is every weapon you can find But it doesn't cut or bruise or hurt Instead it works to bind Whenever all is bleak or down And with your clothes you wear a frown, Then you ask yourself 'what is this love!' Why, like everything is lost Just know the answer to all questions The solution to all problems Is always right there with you, You just gotta look inside. So that didn't turn out as unpoetic as I thought it would! Refine another day? Or leave it as an imprint of my writing at this time of my life. WELL! I'll leave it. Because there are other things to do, more things to let in than you can hold on to. Let go and fell the rush of new found freedom. I must write a poem for my mother next year, for her birthday, the whole message in a card thing is getting old. Heck, not her birthday! For HER! Because I love her every moment and I don't have to wait for one silly day to tell her that. Ramadhan is leaving us fast, and its sad. I had to spend so much time studying, everything just feels to different. Plus the new azan, the hyper emo step dramatic movie-trailer-guy voice doa afterwards, the new DZIKR! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SINGING OLD MEN!! I don't like your new version GIVE BACK THE OLD SONG. Ridiculous... Speaking of ridiculous! For some reason I've been receiving messages from Team RYC, Ramadhan Youth Challenge. Supposed to be a message a day with some wisdom that varies between the religious sort and the Health Promotion Board type hahahha, seriously. And that day, I got the winning message (worded as closely to the original as I can remember. Malas to find the original message, then again, its far more embarrassing to the Team, in its originality): Wndr how to meet yr 2 servings of veg and fruits per day? Take 1 serving of fruit and veg during sahur, and 1 serving of fruit and veg when breaking fast. Lol thanks ah I really couldn't figure that out. Though I can imagine some pakcik somewhere reading the message, then blurting out OOHHHH!! Macam gini ehhh. Alaahai, senang je! Apesal aku tak pikeh pasal ni awal2 ehh... wah nasib baik nih, apertu, Team RYC, hantar mesej. Kalau tak, dahsyat! Eh Sayang, mari, baca ni mesej- eh alamak terpicit- ah k baca ni. Lepas tu kasi diorang sumer baca, kita kena update pasal benda ni sumer tau. Eh aku bukannyer nak ejek pakcik2 innocent out there tau, cuma nak engage in a bit of 'creative expression'. Ok that's enough of talking like that, back to English. I remember I wanted to write something else... but I can't remember haaaah. Nevermind then I'll end this post, right here right now right round, right round when you go down when you going down now I hope I got the words right otherwise paiseh. Anyway ah, this post has been too emo and lovey dovey, and there's more at the end hahahha. So I guess I'll leave my blog to stagnate for awhile, let the flava sink in, kasi dier meresap siket, then I'll come back another day with a post all about hatred negativity and everything that makes you feel like SHOITE. Till next time, then. Its now 12:23 AM. Stay safe, get smart, have some &@*#)%$ manners Hello, If you are my family then remember, I'm always proud to be a part of you, If you are a friend then know that I love you, If you are a stranger then stand easy, I am willing to accept you Labels: advice, komentatr, poems, stories, thoughts |
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