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Solid State Smoke
Written on: Thursday, December 10, 2009
After reading around a bit I was quite impressed by the way a lot of my friends write. They sound really intelligent (like really intelligent) and they're so clear with what they say, I can almost feel the same emotions running through them. Something like that.Time: 3:36 AM So I thought I'd write something intelligent too. A break from all the nonsense you'd find here. Yeah right. All I can think about now is how I needa get that new hard disk tomorrow, and of all the updates I've been running. I started K.O.T.O.R. (Knights of the Old Republic. Pretty suggestive name, I know) 2 two days ago, and I'm hooked. I remember seeing an ad for this game once upon a time in one of my gaming magazines. I was hooked to the idea of playing as a Jedi, and now I'm living my childhood fantasy. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA. Araknow that just sounded so unnecessarily dramatic. More crap, everyone? More crap headed your way. People change, you can't deny that. I've changed, but I'm looking for a reference point. Cos I'm sure I stopped changing awhile back. I'm thinking the same way I've been thinking for some time. But I notice a lot of people around me are changing. I don't always like that. Some people change because they're going with the groove. Only if you don't take a step back, you might not realize how much you're fking yourself up. But you're so in to it you don't wanna get out, I think. So if you change, and I feel it, and you realize that, don't be mad if I behave differently towards you. I'm just reacting. And remember, I'm an ENFP, a teddy bear, a pacifist, someone who takes relationships seriously. I have very strong sentimental attachments to things, I frickin cried the whole night when I lost a part of something back in, sec 1? Primary 5~6? Point is, even if I grow distant from you, its because I don't wanna make an enemy out of you. I want us to remain friends, and remaining the way we are now will make things worse. I'm being as general as I can so you can adapt this to your situation if you somehow feel I'm referring to you hahahahha. To be honest I'm not thinking of anyone now. Kreia, maybe, if you count her as a person. (If you know what I'm talking about: if she's a Jedi and if she still knows so much, how come she's so weak. I had my memory wiped out, remember?) The more I try to accept it, the harder it is for me to make myself want to be with everyone. I guess I'm just like that; I prefer things alone. I need people, yes, but not everyone, and these needs change. To make myself clear, partly because I don't like people getting the wrong impression and then worrying/questioning (I get irritated when people associate me with the wrong emotions. Wrong because I'm incompatible with them, my name shouldn't come anywhere close to them) me: if I say something then I mean it, don't second-guess me and don't feel unnecessarily for me. I need breaks from everything, especially people. Because people are so complicated yet so transparent; it doesn't help that being blunt all the time can be so hurtful. I don't think I'm that good at reading people, but whatever much I can do, is too much for me. I don't like it when I sense subconscious nuances, see people hiding feelings, or have to hide feelings myself just because its the best thing to do. I think I really wanna live alone in the future, provided I get over my fears. If there's monsters in the attic why can't there be monsters anywhere else? You figure that out then tell me, I might wanna listen. I have until May to do things I need to do. Right now, the two most important things are fixing my damn internet connection so I can publish this post. Then comes getting ready to sleep. I'm not including sleep cos I don't know if it'll come, but I quite like that anyway. Be happy people, and don't ever let anyone be the boss of you. Unless its your mom, cos you see, well, ah nevermind. I'll preach another day. Hello, I am sithing down Labels: no ligaments, thoughts |
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